Taking antidepressents for the first time tomorrow morning.

[Cesca1557]

Hi,

Im not really sure why im posting this but Im feeling really unsure about taking medication tomorrow. I have had depression for about 7 years, but at the beginning my mum thought i was too young (i was 12-13), and its only now that I have finally decided that I need something else to help as I cant seem to make myself happy on my own.
I am really hopefull for what the antidepressents will do, but I am also really worried. My father has bipolar, and I am really worried that by taking them, it could trigger it in me. I dont have bipolar my self, but due to the genetic predisposition to it and the increased chance of getting it as my dad has it, im really worried that this might be enough to set it off.
As much as I want to be happy, if it risked me going through what he has gone through and put us through over the years, I wouldnt do it.

Sorry, im not really sure what the point of this was, I think I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Cesca

[Guest_128]

Hey cc,

I am so happy to read your threads, all is going well.

Dory

[Cesca1557]

hi dory!
lovely to hear from you again, hope you are doing well!

thanks for popping in 🙂

- c

[swtpotato]

hey there c

only a few days left until the new medication! sounds like you've handled the withdrawal period really well !

I hear your worry about if you'll be okay for the last exams... but also be mindful of the tendency of depression to make you think the future will be just like the present.

But your days and moods have been changing a lot and with this new medication it will continue to change, we'll just have to wait and see and stay with the present as much as possible. I understand those days though when you are numb and drained in bed, avoiding everything, and all you can do is google medication timelines on forums to find any kind of hope... (am I right?)

I hope your friend does get back to you about the message you sent her. That was a good idea about sending a voice memo, well done for getting it out there and telling people how you feel, it is a really hard thing to do.

I always like seeing your posts cesca and I do think and care about how you are doing. You've had these mental health issues for a long time, it must be so hard but you still have so much optimism and passion for what you are doing, and sounds like you are also a really good friend :). Try and think about this new medication as a way to keep moving forwards with your treatment.

Do you have a bit of a break from uni assessment atm with the special consideration, or do you still have other assignments to do?

I just finished a science field report the other day (I never know what I am doing in a science class, well, physical geography, but it has labs and scientific reports so it's intimidating to me). I had no idea what I was doing with graphs and excel and statistical analyses...but it has started to seem a lot more interesting now than it used to. I want to get into it more! (but never will be dissecting cadavers, no thanks, shiver just thinking about it, how do you do it who knows)

how are you doing today?

m

[startingnew]

hey Cee

im glad things are going well for you

what have you been getting up to today?

[Cesca1557]

hey,

yea i havent really had any withdrawal side effects which was weird! but very grateful for that 🙂

That is very true! i guess i just have to wait anhope for the best, no point worrying yet.
haha yes! googling the best types, and how long i should wait out until i switch it etc.
the drained days, numb are the worst, cause i want to be doing things and getting out and about but i cant seem to move. hoping for less of them. i used to get them maybe once or twice a week which i used to think was a bit, but after having them for 9 days straight, i desperately want to go back to only having them a day or two a week again!

i thought it would be easier than typing it all out, and i hate phone calls haha, and i knew i wouldnt be able to see her for atleast a few days so thought it was the best way. but idk now.
i never normally tell anyone anything really, unless im drunk and i breakdown (lol, dont advise that haha) , and theres a lot i dont tell her, but i do tell her more than i tell others.
thankyou! it means a lot 🙂 i hope so, it is hard at times though
i could say the exact same thing about you! going to check over on your thread after i finish typing this.
I think i will leave it another day (then it will have been 5 days) and will start taking the new ones on wednesday. hopefully that is a long enough period in between!
No not really, although I got emailed by the Student equity and disability support team after i applied for special consideration and they said that I should look into applying for a longer term consideration so I will have a look at that over the next few days and see if theres anything i can put in place with exams etc.
I have one week left of uni, then another week and a half until my first exam. also have to complete an assignment for one of my subjects as they have a final assignment instead of an exam. The special consideration means I get to re-sit my anatomy mid semester test which is so relieving!

Thats glad you started to like it! Definitely a good idea to look into it more and see if you can keep doing it. all the stats/graphs confuse me so much as well! but great that you kept going with it until it made more sense
hahah i havent dissected one yet, just get to look at them and locate various nerves and bones etc.

today was okay, im pretty exhausted but im used to that now.
will try to get a little more work done and then head to bed early as i struggled to keep my eyes open during my pharm prac!

hope your doing okay!

[Cesca1557]

hey sn,

things havent really been going that great tbh, but must be doing something right if it seems like i am to you!
ive just been feeling pretty emotionally/physically/mentally drained. and i cant really afford to keep having days where i dont do much as im so close to exams.
but i went to the gym on saturday, and unlike the last few times the week before, i didnt feel absolutley exhausted afterwards (the last week or two, even walking for 30min made me so tired i had to have a sleep) and for someone who usually exercises 4-5 times a week and walks 25 min to uni and back most days it was incredibly frustrating and strange. exercise is normally my release and it helps me feel slightly better so was hard not having it.

today was alright though, i got a bit of work done for uni, had a three hour experiment practical which was draining but had to be done.

only have a few days left of actual classes which is crazy!
and ill be starting my new AD's on wednesday morning, not sure if i told you but the ones ive been on the last 6 weeks havent really made any improvements, if anything ive felt worse for a few of those weeks, so im changing them up and hoping they work better

hope youre doing okay, i know youve been struggling recently so means a lot youve popped in and said hi 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cesca,

Wow, what an intense load. You’re on the home stretch now...bet you’re looking forward to the end of the semester.

You do sound very exhausted and your motivation seems to fluctuate; it must be frustrating for you.

Wishing you all the very best with your studies. Know that I’m thinking of you.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo

[swtpotato]

Hey c,

I think it is a very good sign that you want to be out getting things done, but the numbness prevents you from doing it. Still a very frustrating thing and I hope it starts to lessen soon with the new ADs.

Haha definitely relate to the getting drunk and breaking down as go to method of expressing feelings..not the best.

Good luck for all your assessment then, has your concentration improved at all? Hope the longer special consideration works out too.

Yeah I think I will, it can be quite relaxing and satisfying getting to the numbers and stats involved. It's nice to be more certain that you are learning and achieving things, like otherwise I'm just asking random questions in my tutes being like...oh but you could look at it from another perspective... but i like it.

semester's almost over! hope it all goes okay and you're still managing some time to look after yourself.

m

[startingnew]

Ok Cee time for a little bit of self analysis.


What im asking isnt easy at all, ive been in this place but sometimes a self reflection is necessary.


Can you please list 3 things you have improved on? It can be anything. Have a good think about it ok..




in regards to medications, if done properly you shouldnt have any side effects or very minimal and considering they werent working on a low dose on these ones I wouldnt expect a fall out (not a health professional just in my own experience)


ive been in that same position many mnay times Cee, I know exactly what its like and as long as you dont resort to harmful behaviours its ok to feel like that. The more you beat yourself up over it the worse you feel and the longer you feel like that. Maybe you could try acknowledging the feelings but thats it. Know that they are there sort of like ' oh hey im feeling numb today, thats ok, im going to do such and such' its like acknowledging it but not letting it control you if that makes sense.


Wow not long to go for uni, thats an achievement in itself! You should be congratuating yourself.
Is this the end of the course or just a semester break?

[Cesca1557]

hi pepper,

yes i am really looking forward to the summer holidays! only a few weeks to go 🙂
it is frustrating, hoping it becomes more stable and my brain starts to work a bit more as well!

thanks so much pepper, means a lot!

thinking of you too xx