Taking antidepressents for the first time tomorrow morning.

[Cesca1557]

Hi,

Im not really sure why im posting this but Im feeling really unsure about taking medication tomorrow. I have had depression for about 7 years, but at the beginning my mum thought i was too young (i was 12-13), and its only now that I have finally decided that I need something else to help as I cant seem to make myself happy on my own.
I am really hopefull for what the antidepressents will do, but I am also really worried. My father has bipolar, and I am really worried that by taking them, it could trigger it in me. I dont have bipolar my self, but due to the genetic predisposition to it and the increased chance of getting it as my dad has it, im really worried that this might be enough to set it off.
As much as I want to be happy, if it risked me going through what he has gone through and put us through over the years, I wouldnt do it.

Sorry, im not really sure what the point of this was, I think I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Cesca

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cesca,

I'm glad both exams are done. You must be so relieved and can breathe a little now...phew...

Hopefully there's good news about special consideration. Fingers crossed for you and wishing you the very best!

Sending warm thoughts your way.

Pepper xoxo

[Cesca1557]

hey nath, dont feel bad at all for taking time away! glad to hear you are doing better, hope youre doing okay today

hey m,
yes they are a little better, although thats not saying too much. Im trying to study, havent really got any done the last few weeks. im just so exhausted and my brain isnt processing information well at the moment so its hard.
yes i definitely love what I am learning, thats why its so important for me to do well, as I am so passionate about the human body and helping others so would love to be a doctor.

mm very good question, i wish i knew the answer myself.

thankyou! hope youre doing okay

[Cesca1557]

hi pepper,

thankyou! me too, very happy they are over.
yes there is good new about the special consideration
For anatomy, i was granted a repeat exam, so after ive finished my end of year exams, i will have to resit another version of the mid semester test! which is good news, just have to learn everything now 🙂
for pathology, I got an exemption, im not exactly sure what that means, ive emailed the faculty and hopefully will get a reply soon. but i think it means that my exam will be worth 75% of my overall mark instead of 60% to account for the 15% mid sem that I just completed. if that makes sense!
hope youre doing okay today!

- c

[Cesca1557]

just a quick update for everyone.

its been 6 weeks now since i started taking the AD's but they havent really had any effects sadly, so I went to my GP today, and she decided that it was best if I tried a different one, as increasing the dose isnt likely to do much considering i havent experienced many (if any) improvements.
I have to take a few days off taking AD's for the washout period, which im not looking forward to, hopefully the side effects of withdrawal arent too bad, then in a few days ill be starting something new.

fingers crossed this one works better!

[swtpotato]

Hey c,

Very good news about the special consideration, that must be a relief.

I love how passionate you are about your degree. You’ll be a great doctor! Definitely have the optimism and perseverance.

I hope you’re not being too hard on yourself for not being able to study. I always am and then when it lifts I realise how difficult it actually was and how I really needed to be kinder to myself at the time.

Its good that you and your gp have come to a decision, but also must be frustrating having to go through that process again. So much uncertainty, but sounds like a really good idea. I had improvements by then so looks like it’s not for you. So at least you know that one doesn’t work - the last few weeks still achieved that!

It might get a little bumby switching — I wish you luck and I’ll be around to support you if it gets too much 🙂

whats the most interesting thing you are studying atm?

M xxx

[Cesca1557]

I have to be accepted into the medicine degree first though! haha but fingers crossed i get the grades i need to apply for it.

Thankyou 🙂 I hope so

Yes im definitely happy that we are changing it, i was so hopeful at the beginning that it would help so it has been quite disappointing and disheartening that it hasn't. hopefully this one works better !
that is very true, i need to try to be as optimistic as you 🙂
my doctor said that because i didnt really display many improvements, the side effects of withdrawal shouldnt be as bad as they would be for someone who was seeing changes, but i guess ill find out in the next few days!

thanks for being around to help if needed, it means a lot!

we learnt about organ transplants the other day which was quite interesting! theyre developing all sort of ways to improve the success rate so hopefully we will see some of them soon

[Cesca1557]

as much determination and i hope i had for today to be a good, or even just okay day, it still wasnt

i started off going to the gym, and felt great after a really touch session.

but again, i spent most of the day feeling a little empty, a little lost, and very alone.
one of my best friends, who i sometimes talk to about everything, has responded to my message in about a week now (where i basically say everything ive been feeing the past few weeks in a voice memo). she hasnt opened or listened to it yet, so its not like she heard it and is choosing not to reply.

but what does that say about our friendship if she doesnt reply to a message i sent a week ago. i love her so much, but ive been noticing the past few months that i think i consider her to be a closer friend than she considers me. if that makes sense. and why am i telling someone things when im not someone they clearly think about much to reply within a few days.

i know uni is crazy at the moment, and everyones really busy, so this is probably all just me overthinking things.

maybe its just the withdrawals from the AD's talking, im sure ill feel fine after a good sleep

[Peppermintbach]

Hey Cesca,

I think the uncertainty and not knowing why she hasn't responded yet is an awful feeling. I feel it can make us doubt ourselves and we end up speculating...

My guess is as good as your guess. But I think that regardless of her reason, the bottom line is that you feel hurt and lonely by the non-reply

You need your friend...

gentle hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Cesca1557]

hi pepper,

i think it was more of a momentary thought, i hadnt actually realised that it had been a week until i went onto my phone and scrolled through messages to see if i had replied to everyone and thats when i noticed. so it hasnt really bothered me, but it did a bit when i noticed it, which happened to be when i was on here haha so i mentioned it.

still yet to experience many withdrawal effects at all, i mean ive been low and sad but that never really was 'fixed' by the AD's so its not like they have reappeared, they just never went away. i think i havent really got any because they didnt really work on me, which does make sense. although i have felt slightly nauseous when thinking about certain foods or looking at them, but nothing like it was when i first went on then.

anyway, ill give it another two or so days, then start my new ones, and hopefully these will work better. im starting to feel pretty defeated about the whole thing, like what if these dont work either, and i spend another 6 weeks feeling as terrible and empty as i have been. i know i shouldnt be so pessimistic, but its hard not to think about it. i was so so hopefully initially, and things just got worse, not better. so maybe me being more realistic/pessimistic (potatoe-potartoe), is a coping mechanism so that if it doenst get better, i wont feel as defeated as i did last time

sorry for the rambling, i better get back to studying now!

but thanks for popping in, it means a lot 🙂

[Cesca1557]

also i m really happy that i did manage to get special consideration for the two mid semester tests, as it is a massive relief and weight off my shoulders. but what if my brain still isnt functioning in a few weeks when i have my exams. like i cant get them moved back any further, and i feel like i cant really apply for special consideration again, as i already have and dont want to just keep using this as an excuse.