Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi Croixy 🐧 bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pawsy 🐾 and readers ☺

Croixy thanks for your kind words they're appreciated

It's a big shame that fattening food giving enormous comfort and pleasures no good for us. I'd say foods if not the greatest at least up there for most pleasure and many probs same.

I'm not so sure lovely peeps about accepting our bad points because I think if they hurt others including ourselves we should be working on controlling them and change. Yours doesnt hurt others Floss 🤗

Too many people imo accept their crappo side & wear the big A -Attitude and probs the other A would be appropriate too 😄 and go through life not giving a toss if they upset or hurt others.

I'm a strong believer in treating others how we'd like to be treated. I will fight back and hard but still preferring now days no conflict but it'll always be there though I'm improving just slightly not over reacting but seriously folks some people just do need help pulling their heads in 😁

Headaches 🤕 are pretty much the norm most of the time. It's like a fabulous holiday when rarely I get a wk/2 plus free and can have my head on the pillow without pain pretty much instantly. The mutts drag on up to 3 days. Anti inflams still help & my hip most times but 3 days max then a rest for the liver. At least there's some reprieve with less meds

Put on about 5 kg. Apart from slacked off I'm bodily feeling it. Using both reasons to ease off on the naughties & hope to increase exercise. Bit tricky the thighs still intermittently making walking hard. I want us to incorporate the exercise bike into our

Keen to getting a bike back on the road, heres good it's nice and flat and lovely for riding. I enjoyed that but a stationary one is dead set whooptee..so are we having fun yet 🤔

I've withdrawn a great deal here included not to say I/we dont have socials. Yesterday with Mr 😍 besty jhis bro and times with other besty but like my space. Thing is in the wrong headspace so damned often & people just being people including me say stuff that pings at times. I'm happy with mostly 24/7 with Mr love like with Mr late love. We have the odd ph call text visit/or & chats with peeps out and about

Aiming to see mil Tues/Thurs. Didnt want to turn with stimulation this into a bigger mh but still coming down isnt ideal. Guilts eating me not seeing her. 24/7 thoughts /grieving.

So much love Grandz 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Thanks too lovely friends 🐧🐾

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, 👋 Croix, Paws and everyone..🤗.

Deebi, honey I know you so well from our talks here and one thing I am 100% sure on is that you would never intentionally hurt anyone....with either your words or actions...I believe that you have a great gift, of standing up for your beliefs and friends....

Standing up for what you believe in, should never ever effect a true and genuine friendship....maybe a cause for a gentle and friendly debate but not cause for your friends to get angry or upset with you.....

Listen to someone that knows. that by holding back what you need to say...can and will in the end get so frustrating that it invades your mind constantly and the anger that you first felt from...let’s say...something bad someone said to you, will fester and build up like a volcano...and it’s eruption can only be in a couple of ways.....1..more harsher words then you expected to say to this person, 2... lots of belittling of yourself and a flood of tears that’s sure to follow...

I would feel so safe hanging around with you....you might feel that I’m to timid for you...but we will be always.. true, honest, great and caring friends towards each other....everyone is different and that’s what makes us all unique....

Oh, wouldn’t it be so nice if vegetables and all the healthy foods had a chocolate flavour and the yummy sweet forbidden foods tasted like vegetables 😂..everyone would be sooooo healthy...Okay, so honey..you put on 5 kilos...that’s okay, it really is.....maybe just just take a little off your plate each night or take away one spoonful of sugar (if you have sugar) from your coffee each cup....you will soon loose it again....slow and steady wins the race.....It’s great you are still walking....doesn’t matter how long or short your walks are...you are getting out their and that’s awesome...not like me..I still don’t go out for walks.😢.

When you can, Deebi....with your mil...please don’t feel guilty about not visiting her yet...it would be so hard for you to do that... I know you will when you feel able to..🤗💜

I’m running out of space...wanted to talk more...and will a bit later on....in the mean time my bestest bbff, remember that I hold you in a very beautiful part of my heart and soul with lots of love and care..🧸🤗💚💚🕊🌱..and that you are one very awesome person...My biggest 🤗 bear hugs, dear friend..

Hugs all round to everyone reading,,,with my care...🤗🤗🌹🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz 👩‍❤️‍👩🐧🐾 & all ☺

Grandz your post moved me. Thank you dear friend 💜
Sometimes words/actions catch you at just the right time.
Mania gave it an extra glow tho it was magic without too ☺

I'm working on a post so a few bitsies for now so you know I'm more ok than not atm ☺ thanks for your love & care hun always so deeply appreciated 🤗

We saw dear mil recently. It was a lovely visit and so much relief that she still has her mind. We'll visit more often. So terribly hard knowing we won't have her for much longer but nice that people can see her before she leaves 😭😢😔
I sent your love she was touched and said and I'm sending my love to her too. Thanks Grandy 🤗

Her family carers are doing brilliantly.
They settled my guilt which was a huge release.
I explained to mil too and Covids been a block as well as Mh.

Most of us experience the deep pain of losing loved ones.
Geez it's hard Grandz I can handle the pain in normals with 24/7 thoughts but in mh phooey.
Maybe we handle it better in normal times because we experience the deep severity of depression in poor mh.

At times on a walk to Coles we see friends/others we know.
While chatting with one who I/we also have a good laugh/general chat with the bloke that was feeling rage that I hadn't or he for that matter spoken much after for a while from his initial contact again. I knew he would but took longer than I expected but he was going through hell.
I told Mr 😍 about him & that I liked him and before the fall out we started some cuddles.
Asked if he was ok for him coming to lunch one day which he is plus I'm nuts over this beautiful.
It was really good we rekindled the friendship face on. He seems a pretty good bloke.

Mr's besty seems to be going quite well through the chemo. Tough, he's beaten 3different cancers so far.
We're in touch periodically and outs/visits

I'm SO close to doing a jobby. 😆 just re read that 😂 big one 😅 that I've badly needed to do for a few yrs. Struth 🤣 It'll be mega relief (sure will 😄) and accomplishment. Even mania doesn't get me doing it.
I'll aim for tomoz cause today we're going to bestys to see more of a really good show we've been watching at hers for a bit and a catch up.

Since our 3rd jab I've had palpitations that intermittently I do not too often. Oops read later and will check it out that can be a more serious side affect & attentions needed. Also stress in mh

Much love darlin 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯💫🤗😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Oh honey, I’m so pleased that you had a visit with your gentle mil...Awe please thank your mil for me....I know she has a gentle heart and is not in the best of health....I know she will cherish and love your visit.....

You know I often think about people who know they don’t have long on this universe...as hard as it is for them and their loved ones, everyone gets the chance to say there goodbye’s....In acway I think it would be much harder for everyone, who’s love, family or friends had an accident and couldn’t say goodbye...I don’t think they would get any closure....for many many years...if at all...because always things are left unsaid or undone....I am so very pleased you got to see her 🤗💚..

I think I remember, you mentioned him a couple of years back..you were trying so hard to comfort his rage, then when you couldn’t help him...you went very deep down...It’s good you ran into him and can see that he got through that rough patch and is doing okay again....Mr Deebi, has nothing to worry about..your love for him is strong and he knows that....Good though you told him about him...better no secrets in a relationship....you’re one very special young lady Deebi.,,,and I hope so much you know that....

When you’re ready honey and the times right..you’ll get that big jobbie done...I know you will..

Really like the idea of you watching a show with your bestie, plenty of popcorn, a glass of Khaula, great company...you can’t get any better then that....I hope you all enjoy it...

Oh no, Please get those palpitations checked out ASAP....just to rule out any thing else...You have to look after and care for yourself my bbff...but please don’t keep putting it off......okay?..

I am laying here chatting to you..have dry sheets on the line and it started to sprinkle a few minutes ago..,Can’t be bothered getting them in....The rain water will freshen them more then the town water does...😂😂😂😂..plus I do love chatting to you...😁..

Prayer for Mr, bestie’s friend, that he can also beat this cancer as well... 🙏..

Take really good care of you bbff...so much love and care I have in my heart for you..💚🌹🦋🕊🌱...golden strings can never be broken...

Live, care and hugs to everyone reading this..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Oh I'm so happy for you that you managed to visit your much loved mil... especially that she was still able to enjoy the visit herself that is wonderful news.

I'm joining our lovely Grandy in asking you to please get those palpitations checked out... soon... please...

I see you are up to shenanigans on Croixy's iceberg in his absence... good girl 😁

Lass I know your headaches are primarily because of physical issues... but I wonder if you are drinking enough water... it can help to reduce the impact... even if it is just a few headaches it helps that would still be better.

Oh I wish I could wave a magic wand & make those downs disappear for you... you do seem to be having quite a run of them without many ups... I'm so glad you have Mr Deebi beside you as you battle beasty...

Big hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....Waves Dear Paws, and everyone.

Just a quick lightning ⛈ visit to wish you a really good nights sleep...like the one you had a few nights back...I have spoken very gently to my dream pixies and asked them to take special care of you tonight, and give you the most peaceful and very deep sleep tonight..🕊🌱..

Did you know that this 🐛, turns into this 🦋..when the time is right ....really amazing isn’t it?...

When I was at my son’s place, I went for a walk with my eldest son at his place....he took me only 15 minutes walk away....although if we jumped his back fence..it would have been quicker...anyway walked into a national park that was completely burnt out, through those horrific fires...You would not believe how beautiful it is there....small running creek...,with tadpoles in it...So much greenery and even on trees that were left to look like they are growing out of charcoal...such a peaceful picture...the black tree trunks, new browny branches growing out of the charcoal and different shades of green leaves....That piece of nature has bounced back, to all It’s former glory with some more added....Nature has a lot of patience...it never tires, continually changing itself....sometimes it falls...but always picks itself up and becomes more beautiful each time...

I read somewhere today...that to see true beauty...we must first see the destruction, to really appreciate that beauty.....To feel genuine happiness...we must first feel real sadness and pain, to then appreciate the feeling of happiness and joy...

Good night my bestest ever bbff...Lots of Hugs,🤗 care 🦋and love 💚...sleep tight, dream right, and tomorrow you will be alright..🐛🦋🌱🌲..

Sending my love, care and hugs to everyone reading this..💜🦋🤗.l

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi loves 👩‍❤️‍👩🐾 & readers

Thank you girls. It was so good seeing mil. Quite a relief. We'll go more often. Hard in some other ways too. Time might soften but dunno.

Grandy I loved your posts. So true about seeing and also feeling destruction to truly know happiness. It's like that going through BP isnt it & traumatic.
I believe we'll learn to get on top rather than through. We're learning techniques & unlearning habits.

It doesnt feel like theres progress at times but there is which helps to keep in mind.

This was easier - I thought but it was mania handling it all. So that'd be possible for us all I reckon.
It's so deep coming down. Everything hurts so much harder. Thank god it passes.

They seem longer these days. Just starting to get my normals back including sleep. Those pixies are just fab and cute ☺

So many are going away or dying. I know it's part of life but doesn't make it easier. Both mil & g.friend (Mr 😍besty) both appear to be in acceptance. Good on them I'm happy they appear at peace with it. It'd be hard tho I'd think though. Can't say the same yet!

Other bbff has to move out (roar deal for her).
Hoping for same area but doubt hop skip jump away like now.

Everythings clumping against us. One bills totally unfair and now more friggen money for car repairs. Thank goods we have an account. More $ geesh!

Regos v.soon & a service.
So many other bills all at once. We'll get there. I keep thinking of gambling yrs we always did. Just so much atm.

Mh bloke been gone about 3/4 wks. Not a peep yet for a new person.

Every pay the next day broke or soon after.

Not gambling since back then.
Manias open mind again allowed me to realise I can't get through non motivation while my hrs are there.

One of many goods tho is the motivation that in mania helped me understand doing a post to you Grandz. Laters

Thanks again lovelies I'm ok but it's pretty rough atm but happies too. We have to have our hard times too Unfortunately and so many have it a lot worse.

😢 knew the email wouldn't help but had to try & had a Lovely response. Unsure if I sent to the right section 😐

Checked chemist & Dr palpatations for me weren't connected to booster. ? Stress is pretty high atm and BP always.

Pawsy thanks yes I mostly do drink plenty of water and you are right tho that can cause headaches.

Love to you both 🤗🐾

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🗯🤗🕊🤝👂

[demonblaster]

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone

Just heard my dear mil passed away this morning.

RIP beautiful lady 💗

So so much love and incredible memories that'll both always stay.

At peace now dear lady 🤗😚

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Oh lass I'm so very sorry to hear she has passed... I'm am pleased you got to visit her that one last time... the visit must have brightened her last days as the two of you obviously had such a close bond...

Know I'm sitting with you in spirit lass...

My deepest condolences & the gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,

Awe honey I’m so deeply sorry....Such very sad news...

It was so good that you got to see her before she passed...It doesn’t make it any easier I know....Your beautiful mil felt your love and care as you felt hers...💚🕊🌱.

No words I say can take away your hurt sweetie, please know I’m sitting next to you in spirit...and if you need to talk we are all here for you....

I will pop back in later today to check in on you...

sending you and your family my very deepest condolences..

RIP Lovely mil...

Thinking of you with kind thoughts and sending you some comforting hugs...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..