Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Croix]

aaaaaaaaaCHOOOO!

Pesky butterflies, grumble grumble grumble ...

[demonblaster]

😀 hi my beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Mr Croixy 🐧 and everyone 👋

That was so beautiful Grandy I always love your company. Thanks beautiful 🤗

Yes 🦋 are beautiful delicate creatures aren't they and move which such grace. That would've been so beautiful to see dear Grandz. Thanks for sharing that it was lovely reading oh look and Croixy did get one 😅

Dear Mr Deebi 😍 he's a dear love. Thanks Grandy it's no wonder I went through life and still do now not liking myself. Geesh horror. I at least feel a little comfort for absolutely not liking myself in those times opposed to not giving a hoot. It makes me feel worse being a cow.

Wow that whole load went on and on. I was quite tired a few days after that all.

I feel I'm not far away from cracking this as in how to handle the downs. Mania is the greatest teacher of all. I know how you feel Grandz about can we ever get on top. Yes I think so and easier to achieve if we believe we can. We've both come a long way eh hun. Seems so far to go but we will get there. This mongrels had us long enough!

Dear Pawsy thanks so much. Our friend we just recently heard the cancers spread now to another place. Poor guy.

Mil I'm now unsure if we'll be ok to stay but need to get up to see her sooner better than later I'd say. Like you Grandy she other besty and of course dear late love are always foremost in my mind so often daily and of course Mr sweetheart here even though we're pretty much every second together.

Pawsy I'm off the smokes again now I'm out of poor mh. Wow same as you said so much debt. Good idea the pen tubes.

Grandy really loved your dress up post 😅 before.

Those mountains sound amazing.geesh be careful hun no curbs yikes.

I'm going to have a good look again today I still haven't found that thingy but will it's very important. Oh and it looks like a gaming machine was flogged with our move. Sigh pretty ratted but cant/won't say anything in case it turns up but doubt it.

Thanks so much dear friends youse are very appreciated and care deeply.

Dear Grandy my loves so deep for you. Thank you for our amazing loving friendship. Always darlin 🗯🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦄🐩🦋🐧🐾

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗...and everyone..🤗.

I was saddened to hear that you’re not liking yourself....You have a beautiful heart and soul and help so many here on BB and I know from your words in other posts that you help those around you....

I think it’s okay to not like a certain part of us...I don’t like the part of me that runs away and hides and causes me to not be able to defend myself....but I do like the part of me that can care and feel so much compassion and empathy towards others.....Do you have a part of you that you do like?...Gee I hope so..because you should...look deep within your heart and soul, and I’m certain you will find so many...if not then I’ll write you out a list of all the things I like/live about you....

True, so true that we have come a long way and one day we will wake up in a state of complete bliss and happiness...and rejecting beasty’s thoughts will be as easy as ‘eating a piece of chocolate ‘...😂😂.

I think often of your gorgeous mil..and wish her so much peace and love....I do pray and hope that you are able to see her soon, that would bring some Joy into her heart...as I know how much you both love and care for each other...

These COVID rules really don’t help anyone in hospital at all....A visit or two from a loved one is what helps them feel loved....and cheers them up some..

I am really so pleased and happy that you and Mr. Deebi found each other...It did when you first met and still does warm my heart for you....one reason is that I know that you are not alone and that he is always there for you, helping to pull you up from a the deep dark side of your mental health...Unconditional Love is truely very beautiful and special....

I hope you’re doing better then okay precious bbff...you are always in my thoughts with a deep love and connection..💚🕊🌱🦄👼...Stay safe, take care of you, and find all those beautiful qualities of yours that we all love...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄💫👼

[demonblaster]

Hey there my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and everyone 🦋

Oh oops Croixy thats the butterfly you shooed away how cute it's come back to your nose 😁

Grandy you'tr so beautiful and your hearts Golden dear friend. Sorry lovey I have grown to like myself more. It's in horrible mh you feel like such a cow and so down on yourself. I should have said I now can see why I for so long haven't at all liked aspects of myself.

Mr Deebi is a very dear lovely man. Thanks Grandy love you're such a beautiful friend always. So grateful you never give up on me 🤗 thank you darlin heart 💜👩‍❤️‍👩

You're very sweet thinking about mil. I passed a msg on sending your love sweet lady. She's back home we did a video call it was short. I don't think we'll be able to do a night over and wondering about visiting, just about every Coles trips getting us texts of covid was there. Told her I miss her and always say I love her. She's not overly responsive but still a little sass there the dear love.

I read your lovely comments about Mr beautiful I could hear in his quiet little responses he was moved by what you said. Thank you darlin he's a very dear easy man to love. Gorgeous darling. So easy going the precious.

You too sweetyheart you're always in my thoughts daily so often. I really hope lifes being a bit easier on you precious soul. God knows you deserve and yeah how good would it be being as easy as eating choccy to rid beastys nastys 😆

You're a ray of sunshine dear friend. So glad to have met you. Oh I was cuddling Destiny and Eternitys tummies and they said they want cuddles from you and to play with Kya and Ebony so howzabout a yum roast Lamb wow how long its been for one of them mmmm spuds crunchy ones beans 3 peas you and Mr gorgeous can have more if youse like I dont mind baby ones in cooking though & umm zucchinni gravy and why not throw in some Pork crackling for the thrill of it 😀

Butterscotch pudding by Sarah uh 9h whats that brand name it's so good ah yip Mr Deebi the cute remembered it's Sarah Lee. Ohh yummmm or what!

Love you heaps Grandz that'll never change dear lady ☺ 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🐕🐆🐩🐅🌞👀👂🤗🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone.....🤗.

How are you managing yourself dearest bbff...I do so much hope that you are okay...well better then okay.🤗..

I hope I’m not to late to bring Kya and Ebony over to play with Destiny and Eternity, while I have your yummy roast dinner with you and Mr Deebi...😁..

Are you still taking some small walks together?...and are you still doing volunteer work?...only answer if you feel to..no pressure dear bbff....

No not ever will I give up on you, might seem like it the past couple of weeks, with me not being here for you to chat...but I do have you in my heart and thoughts with deep love, kindness and care..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💚🕊🌱🌹🧸🤗....

I used to buy a lot of Sarah Lee’s cakes...I think they are really yummy, problem for me is that if they are in my freezer, I have to eat them😂😂..It’s too hard to resist them..so now I’ll buy only a few a year....

Please be okay....Always beautiful friend...yadimh 24/7...

Much love to you and your/our other friends here....Oh why not...and a giant group hug...🤗..which I hope Mr Deebi joins in...🤗🤗🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[Croix]

aaaaaaaCHOO. Rotten butterflies, you train them on purpose DB. 😣

I wish you two would stop talking about yummy food, I have trouble with my waistcoat as things are.

I think Grandy is very wise to say not liking a part of yourself is OK, I think we all do that . You are a pretty good person and need to remember it even when that's hard.

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hey Deebi , Grandy,

Do you see what I see.... Croixy used an emoji !!!!

You're getting to him lassies... he'll be using them with complete gay abandon before he knows it...

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey dear friends & readers thanks for your time & support 👍

Grandy hey besty 👩‍❤️‍👩 always so good seeing you
Thanks lovey wow so far the easiest mh I can remember. Shame not much noticeable mania. That's ok down the track I'll work on it when I get more grip on the downs. Boyo still about 3 hard doses. Got through fairly quickly mainly by not thinking about how I was feeling & more thought on it.

Not as much ptsd or anxiety and was able to let them pass-on hopefully 😆 never to be seen again.
Acknowledging thought breathing deep letting it leave my body on exhaling.

I've either let it flow in a virtual wind or land it on water flowing

U suggested Champion Grandz with that horrid trapped feeling god it's suffocating. I went outside looked at the sky clouds moon - saw a bird fly noticed about whooptee 😄 2 stars & as always thought of you.

Seeing the small yet large area of sky I thought it's tiny in the big scale of our space here which helped minimise my feelings somehow

We were productive finishing off unpacking. Just v.smalls left now. SO good!

No darl the amazing lady/friend that lead our volunteer work & more was dealt a rotten hand. Huge blow affecting many. We're & others loyal to her.
Its a great service to many but as everywhere hierarchy & people at times get it wrong. Big loss. Common example of religious hypocrisy. I've seen other stuff too. Goes on everywhere sadly.

Special needs I hope to resume with sport post covid later

We're walking most days, not huge but will build up slowly. Boomer both feet better.
You said about arch support. I mostly wear joggers with the ones I got like u did from op shop shoes. Brilliant Grandz 🤗

💜💗 Awe loven seeing our gorgeous family together 🤝 Grandz you've no idea how much I wish for real 😢 so often I imagine us talking at yours and here. I try so hard at times Looking and get close I think to finding a way to keep believing that one day we'll meet. Hope aye darl we need to keep going

Oh was saying how much i'm ap0reciating colour. It helps with mh I'm finding, Orange is one that lifts me & lighter pastels too. another too l to find the way to beat beasty

Grandy it's ok truth hun never worry if you're busy or struggling I 7nderstand sweety 😚 We're unbreakable 💫 loves deep 4evs & grows. Awesome aye 🌈🤗

Thx for including this dear sweet man in our hug ☺ I read bits out 😚

Bbl 🐧 🦋

🤣 how good is that Pawsy 🐾 our Croixy man using an emoji. Note to self - plan a party on his iceberg

[Croix]

I heard that!

I'll try bribery to make you forget about parties on my iceberg

Here's a pizza each 🍪 🍪 with free penguin 🐧

Glad the feet are holding up

Croix

[demonblaster]

🤣🤣🤣

HA! Penguins have gotta get up earlier than that to twick us partee revellers...swoops a string of crepe paper decoration across her neck...oop misses and covers her eyes...arms waving in front trying to find her way...clunk...

Hymm 🤔 must complete memo to all Penguin butterfly fans under no circumstances to accept Pizza...ahhh yes his beastly plan may have worked if chocolate 🍫was on the bribe list 😲 no that's not shock it's my mouth open and ready

Oh so very proud and impressed with your emojis Croixy man and so controlled too 😂

Hope you're feeling better Mr 🐧🦋😊

Love to my gorjy bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀👂🤝🙌👁

Nigh nite. Hoping for a full nights sleep without early rising

Good restful sleeps everyone.

Last night thought about sun shining on still water...

First morning thought ... How sunlight makes it all lovely

⚘