Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Waves to Paws and everyone...🤗.

Sounds nice where you live..Beaches are really calming in many ways...this might seem silly but when I used to go to the beach..I always had a fear of a tsunami happening, I think it would be so nice living that close to the beach, if my fear disappeared...

No hurry to unpack..but I can understand having your place in order would make you feel more comfortable and settled..

Please let Mr Deebi know that I have spoken to his professionals and told them to be very gentle and caring with our lovely Mr Deebi..💚..Wishing him all the best wishes I have to wish...

Mrs NSC..is so hard to understand..she will do anything for anybody....but in conversation she is alright right...and constantly downs a lot of people including her sons and their family...I think she does things for other people..for the recognition of doing so....Something she said once to me, made me think this way..,.

What you been up to doing...anything special ?...Today I just laid around not doing much at all....Tomorrow is another day...,

I hope you are okay precious bbff....💭 24/7..was thinking about the times we went on adventures...we had so much fun..they are good memories I think about a lot...

Big love 💕 and gigantic huggley hugs and care..💚🧸🧸🦋🌹💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄👼..

My love, hugs and care to everyone...🌹💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hiya gorjy bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers ☺

😄 oh I love your humour Grandy. It sparked gorgeous memories of you jumping in the MRI machine with me and consulting with my Doctors ...you're a crack up. Thanks so much for your words with dear Mr Deebis doctors you're such a caring comfort. He's so cute one of the things he first said to me was he doesn't know what to say to people. He said thank you for your caring. Dear love we're hoping they can remove or squash it on the day otherwise they'll put a stent (wire kind of tube, they were like that for heart blood vessels unsure for this) in for 3 mths that should wear it down but that'd mean another op. The docs experienced & seemed like a decent man.

She sure seems a handful and by the sounds has a lot of insecurities and problems. It's not good for you though having that sort of temper and degrading people constantly's a downer. Are you ok or is it too much huns?

Me too darl I SO often think of our fun. I miss it but backed off cause I thought the psychs maybe didn't want you going there too much. Might be wrong and you weren't as often so I thought too ease off. I'm never sure wether to go there when you're struggling. Just want to look after you sweety girl ☺

You know I've been realising a lot lately how important colour is in our lives. It's beautiful and gives us variety and lifting I find.

In BP again seems fairly mild be good for a change hoping the other sides easier. I feel it's so close like a switch will turn on and I'll have it under control. Mania will be the key.

Yip I have many lazy days. I'm trying to do less Pokerr so I do other things like post/read here & today we did more moving things and emptying boxes. Oh Grandz it's starting to become normal. There's serious cracks of light coming it's starting to feel like home and there's some order. I can adapt as we do but really don't like mess. If there's clutter it's usually tidy.

We walked. Mr love shouted me a yum hamburger love them at that place he got a nice coffee and pie. Some bouts of poker and about to watch neighbours and the Rookie we recorded before bed. We usually go about 10pm now and up around 9.30am ish sometimes later. Texted a couple and a chat to a friend on Ph.

So glad you're getting veranda time beautiful.

Thanks so much for dropping by. Always love your company my beautiful sss besty 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦄🕊😚🌞🌈☄🏍 😄

Major deep love sweet lady ☺⚘🐅🐆🤣🤗

[Croix]

Dear DB, with a wave to Grandy~

As you know I'm just catching up and see you have moved and started to unpack, and that Mr DB has a stone to be removed. I understand stones can be very painful.

If he has to have an op will you be able to manage OK? The original Mrs C had her gall bladder out and was none the worse for wear in the long term, but very sore for a while after the op, though that was in the old days and I'd expect surgery has improved a lot since then.

Please let us know how you both go.

Croix

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to Mr Deebi,

It sounds like the two of you are making great progress with sorting out & putting away all the clutter that moving creates... I've been here 5 years & I'm still need to finish doing that... I think it's the last 2% that is the hardest to finish off.

How is Mr Deebi after his op? I'm sure nurse Deebi is giving him the best care & making sure he doesn't overdo things.

Well done lass for trying to play less poker & replace it with something else... I spend too much time playing Mahjong or Minesweeper... I'm guessing poker has the same effect where you just get in the zone & the hours wizz by... the makers sure know how to make them so addictive.

I really hope with restrictions lifting you will be able to visit your mil soon as it must have been hard not being able to see her... have you finished her card?

Be gentle with yourself lass

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone else..

Hi my bbff..Just popping in to give you a huge hug 🤗 a bunch of Jonquils and a breakfast hamper...(bacon and eggs, fried tomato and a large cappuccino....

I will be back to visit you tonight precious friend...

Big love, with lots and lots of hugs and a ton of my care..💚🦋🦋🧸🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Croix, Paws and everyone..🤗.

How good is the feeling of when a house becomes your home....I’m glad it’s starting to feel that way for you and mr Deebi..

Yes and no...with Mrs nsc...but it’s something that I can’t change...I think she has been hurt terribly by her sons by the way she talks about them...I wish that I could help her in some way...I told her if she needs me anytime to just ring me...Her eldest son left for Sydney today after 4 months living with her...Hopefully after a few days she will return to Mrs NSC....

I am trying hard to bed at 10.30ish each night, I went through another few months of not wanting or able to go into my bed...and slept on the lounge through that time..The last 2 weeks I’m okay to go into bed..I don’t know what happens when I can’t face my bed 🤔..

I love hamburgers, unfortunately the ones around here are not nice..but we do have a nice pie and bakery shop in the town I work in...I have a few favourites of pies..potato pie, curry, steak n onions, steak n mushrooms oh I can go on forever 😂😂..

How are you managing your BP bbff...truth honey...How are you physically and mentally....

I can spend hours playing home scapes like you and Paws...Does it really matter if we play so much..I mean it keeps our mind on the game we are playing and off the depressive thoughts n feelings we can have...

How is Mr, Deebi going since his operation?...

Please remember to look after and care for you, precious friend..,big hugs 🤗 with lots of special love and care.,💚🌹🕊🦄👼..

I haven’t watched The Rookie before..maybe I’ll check it out..I wish I knew how to record a DVD from a tv show/movie...hmmmm..

Love and hugs everyone...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Dear friends and readers hi ☺

I really appreciate your lovely support and time dear friends. Thank you 💗

Croixy I've nearly finished a reply ☺. Girls I want to reply to you dears too. Hoping soonish 🤗🤗

Walkings helping tho haven't with tiredness for about 2.&4 days., All good keen to return

Back of thighs still s.times in short bursts causing grief. Looking into slowly. Not looking like anaemia.

Rapt nearly v.good blood test results.
Several areas improved. Sugars under half the last test when my eyes were really bad. Was averaging 15. That high puts us on insulin for the diabetes. Phew dodged a bullet.
Told doc I'm going to get off the pills eventually & not be diabetic anymore.
Nearly made it when I lost the 50 kg's. Still lost 24. A wonder.
I'll get the rest off slowly. Back on track again.

Here's the bomb!
The last bout of mh a few wks ago I said I feel I'm getting closer to unlocking the key to getting on top of this. It's starting to come together.

I swear mania's the greatest teacher of all time!
I'm starting to hear rational thoughts/ways of coping and been able to apply it all I think moreso than ever!

Still several hard moments but the more I practice the easier it'll be.
For the first time EVER! to this degree I've been able to manage ALL the bombarding rot

More control with mania excitement & slowing how much thought goes into the accelerated thinking. Later I'll let more in when I master the beasts downs that jump in.
Handled Ptsd thoughts/ anxiety/deep depression/scenarios I dunno maybe part of anxiety or ?

Last Mh was very hard the stress was peaking but got a lot done.

This ones been the opposite. Low key calm with touches of high stress but able to choof it

I'm starting to hear rational thought moreso in mania

One parts not letting emotions take hold that I've known but not been able to apply too much till now.

There was another thought that's helped no end. It'll come back if not between the next bout no doubt not far off or in next mania. I'm starting to learn how channell it more to what I want to achieve with control on what/how much I think on something.

This mania was easier because it wasn't as mixed as usual. I've been slowly coming down with a short burst of high today. Gone now. Think too tired for it to take hold and with applying the breaks dammit! but it was good.

There's some not good things happening too but ok cause its better knowing. Laters. 3am best to bed nigh nite 😴

Thank you ⚘

👩‍❤️‍👩🗯💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Bbff...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

No rush Deebi to reply to my post...The most important thing you can do for me/us here at BB is to take good care of you..,rest when you need to...sleep when you need it...and talk here when ever you feel up to it...💚..

PTSD is a hard one to manage and I think your doing a fantastic job of managing your mh....Well done my special bbff.....

You should be so proud of you for loosing so much weight...I lost 9 kilos and Haagen put back on 2 kilos😁....My fault because I comfort eat when I’m down,,,,I wish I could comfort drink water instead...which will guarantee no weight gain...I wonder if it’s possible to do that...nah I’ll miss my food to much....

Hoping today is a good day bbff...sending you my l💚ve, with lots of c💜re ang h👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩gs....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[Croix]

Dear DB (with a wave to Grandy)~

There is no rush to compose a reply, you are here and that's what counts.

I'm rather impressed in how you can see your mental health ups and downs so clearly and start to channel those ups to things you want to do, so much better than a directionless state.

Then again I'm impressed at the weight loss, wish I could, but 2 diet drink meals a day is only enough to maintain the status quo and frankly to go further would take so much out of life and leave me miserable.

I'm pleased about the blood results too.

Croix

[demonblaster]

Hi Croixy Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all

Times flying I think around 3 ish mths ago the poor love 😍 (heart eyes emoji) had gallstones.
Very painful as your good lady knows causing Pancreatitis yikes another level of pain I've heard. Usually grog is the cause for Pancreatitis.

His Gallbladder was rotten which they removed (Cholecystectomy) cyst = bladder- ectomy = removal). A large stone was caught in the bile duct which was this op.
He recovered very well from & this too.
He can get stones again.

I had a lot of extra stress related to the first op which made a very hard BP & other mh probs.

Everything slammed. The worry of not knowing exactly what it was.
Organising & getting help in place was full on with the usual deep depression.

Both our mobiles were misbehaving & at that time didnt have a LandLine phew have now. Easier, And several other hold ups trying to get things in place.
Somehow though we get through eh. It helps I find knowing that no matter how hard at the time we do eventually look back on it. Comfort too in knowing we do get through, time helps no end.

This time also in BP I was ok tho concerned naturally but I knew the score and knowing he's in good hands.
Best place to be if there's complications.

Thank you for asking and for your support today's warming as always.
Many thanks good man and that you certainly are ☺

I'll zip or swim actually over to your Iceberg sometime and talk about the very basic that's helped me with weight loss might help you too.

Take care Mr Croixy man 🐧🌴 that's a little miniature Palm tree I planted on your iceberg.

Dear Grandy you're next & thanks lovelies it is comforting knowing there's no rush to reply I'm starting to learn that for myself. Use to be pretty ocd on instant replies tho sometimes still try when they're doing the super hard yards.
I know it's how bb runs here which is one of their awesomes.

Catch yaz ☺

I'm so pleased to be starting to follow through with started posts.

And each day now I'm working at doing sections of that final 2% I think Pawsy said. So true! it's the hardest but there's a light at the end of the tunnel joy that each time a bits done it feels great. Boomer!

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦋🕊🌈🌞🔥