Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Thank you beautiful Grandy 🤗

I'll feel very safe and secure with the monster in my room 😂🤣😂

You're a classic god I love you, thank you for being with me sweetyheart.

Been thinking to get on the bike. Yes rain too and pouring down atm.

Have a beautiful sleep you too Croixy and everyone ☺🤗

Thanks beautiful always 🗯🤝✨👩‍❤️‍👩💜 yAdimh awyip lysvm awyis PubAok bbff sss gg nigh night sweety sleep peacefully 😚💗

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Beautiful Deebi..

I got up early today..I checked you first and you were asleep...I hope you sleep in today..tech tchni noticed you were up lateish last night...that okay as long as you get enough sleep this morning..

I left you some yummy breakfast..some hot porridge, orange juice and some toast...and a Macca coffe and chocolate sundae..(double chocolate)....yummy...

When your waking this morning beautifulheart first thoughts to have...please think happy positive thoughts...Maybe if you feel to..rug up in blanky, shawl, funny gloves and slippers and sit on your balcony for breakfast and listen to the happy chatter of the birds as they prepare and start their busy day...as the universe continues to wash itself with the glorious rain...

I have to go early today..I have my hip X-ray before work this morning....I wonder what there find...I told my hip it has to say cheese and smile for the camera...(needs to look good for a picture )..😂..

I hope today is a good day for you sweet precious friend...

F comes to mind today...

F..fresh pure clean air..

F..friend as our is loving and caring..

F...fruit full of vitamin C..

F..flowers..pig face such vivid bright colours..

F..first thoughts on waking positives..

F..fight the thoughts of beasty..it lies...

F..friends you have so many in r/l and here..

Please be okay...precious friend...big evening for you today..psych Skype chat....yadimh, and 💭...lysvm...awyis..lysvm...Truth beautifulheart...💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄👼🌈🌹🍋🔥..we can and will be victorious...

Love and hugs my dearest bbff..and all..💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🔥🌹💭👀🤝 👂...

If you out today please keep nice and dry..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

Like your dear Grandy, I also sense that you’re not doing so great. You sound as though you’re feeling rather flat to me...

I can relate to how painful and frustrating it can be to feel directionless. I often feel that way, but you probably already knew that 😉 So, it’s if any small consolation to you, at least you’re not alone in feeling unsure about the future...

I think hopping on your bike would be great. I’m assuming you mean riding outdoors or is this an indoor exercise bike? Either way, I think it’s a great idea 🙂

Sending warm blankets, free choccy bars, a flask of homemade pumpkin soup, super soul hugs and much love.

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peppystar and all ☺

Thank you for lovely caring posts lovelies 🤗

You're so sweet Grandy I wasnt too much after 10.30 to bed and struggled getting up just before lunch. Dunno

Good luck with the hip Xray sweetylove

The F's were beautiful hun.

F- Forever 🤝 love & friendship

Fun - with my 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Thanks darlin you're such a love

Peppy thanks to you too hun. Yeah just feeling dunno really hard to word it. Not too bad just here I guess but ok. Yes you know about no direction ☺

Inside bike. Looking forward one day to back on the road

Free choccy Pumpkin soup warm blankys sweet thanks lovey

Love and much care to you both. Thanks loves 🤗☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯✨🦄💗⚘🤝👁

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Waves to others🤗..

thats okay Deebi you had a good sleep..that’s my usual wake up time with my meds...good your getting a long sleep...

Ummm if it’s okay can I ask you how your skype psych. Visit went yesterday evening?....

Im pleased you like the letter F..I hope it helped to lift you even a little....I wish it lifted you to the very top....

I hope your doing okay beautifulheart friend...Please let me know if your okay with doing so.....

Its hard to know our direction...I don’t know if any of us really know until our direction finds us...I’m sorry beautifulheart....I really am...My only direction I’m looking at is fighting beasty atm....Other then that I don’t know my own either....

please you be okay beautifulheart bbff....I’m concerned about you...your in my 💭....

Love you dear friend..💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..sorry I’m not much help, I hope we can get you past this....

Love and hugs bbff 💜🤗...and others..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹🤝👀👂🍫💼🦄👼👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[demonblaster]

Hey lovely 👩‍❤️‍👩 /s

Thanks Grandy darlin coming in and seeing me. You're a lovely friend 🤗

Did it again today just slept and slept pfftt

Yeah he was ok quite nice except he laughed when I said something looked like he was laughing with someone in the room he said no one else there hymm dunno.

So theres a med been around for yrs but can put weight on and kidney/liver they keep an eye on nah not interested. Another overseas its being used for schizophrenia and can be for BP Id have to at least 5 yrs said thats ok it'll take a while to get the hang of doing what I need to but If I'm going to lose mania not sure if I'll bother I'm just starting to learn to hack it all. Just don't know at all.

He said hard to diagnose other things can overlap from BP, dunno if we'll talk about them next July 3rd huge day then him at night.

Apparently these Ad's can bring on more mania, that was my concern hearing about it raising serotonin levels.

I'm ok hun just am but sorta not. Thanks for being such a beautiful friend 🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜

You're always a fantastic help to me Grandz truly you've no idea how much light you give me dear lady ☺🤗

You too always 🗯 pubAok esp tomoz I know a hard day for you sweety but remember you can do this you'll be ok and not never alone I'll be with you too 🤝👁 good luck Grandy.

Love you very much hun 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🦄✨💗😚🤝👁⚘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I feel for you. So many considerations when it comes to making decisions about your meds. I think it’s good that you’re carefully weighing up the pros and cons.

I wonder if feeling “flat” is perhaps a word that could describe some of your recent feelings...the not quite good but not quite bad either...just a little thought of mine...

Supersoul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Thats okay sweety if your sleeping your body must need it..

That’s unprofessional and not nice of the psych if he had someone else with him..that’s a breach of privacy and illegal...

I agree with Peppy that it’s good you weigh up the pros and cons of meds...

Um I’m sorry hun but do you the meds your on now causes more mania or the new meds again 5 years time..I do get confused at times...

Yes a really big day for you July 3rd..do you have someone to go with you....If not sweety i will start with my hand and transport me through the screen like in stargate...God know how much I wish I could...Please be okay Deebi...my spirit/heart/soul with be with you dearest bbff...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🌈💖..

How are you feeling today?...Are you doing anything today sweety....maybe some art...do you knit? I’m going to try to find slipper pattern to knit 🧶...don’t know if I’ll make them..just curious I suppose....but today I’m not sure what I’m doing other then cleaning up a bit...I’m grotty I can clean one day then two days later it needs another clean😂..I think it’s more my messy furs then me....

I’m sorry your feeling flat*...that’s beasty not letting things you like to do come to you...[IT]xx hides it from us...we have to try to dig deep into our thoughts past beasty and find them, then do them without thinking about it...poor sweety...it’s hard but I feel do-able...Please don’t let the beast tell you any different....pfff shoo..🤜👿🤛..beasty away from your beautifulheart....Dearest bbff...

please be okay always Deebi....no pressure at all but I need you...you matter so much to me...and others here...you are loved by so many...especially me...beautifulheart🌈💖...bbff...sss...Bpaly.....lysvm from deep in my heart...

love and warm caring hugs...💜💜🤗🤗 everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗Grandy....I hope you have a good day today ..🌝🌟💫🌈☄️your in my 💭

[demonblaster]

Hi Peps ☘Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 😊
Peppystar thank you darl for your support and super souls they're lovely 🤗

It is good to have a think about meds I'm thinking not because slowly I'm starting to get a grip although still hard any progress is still progress.

Yes flat not down just not bubbling particularly either.

Thanks for your lovely post elsewhere I plan on returning and am reading.
Love and big super 🤗 to you too lovely ☺

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 hiya and thank you too popping in beautiful always lovely seeing you too 😀

The ones I'm on can bring on more mania hun.

No lovey I thought of a couple I could ask and another cant cause of physical pain and its lovely Paws saying its not too much to ask but its pretty much the whole day so nah not asking anyone else. Huge day on 3rd. Pfftt.

You too Grandz you mean so much to me please look after yourself love you so much lovely soul sissyter bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩friend 🤗

Good on you with slipper pattern I have o f here from mil. I want to get back into art.
Had a walk down shops today yesterday did a small one but today was naughty with icecream usually I'm not nuts on but its a good one but otherwise not been to bad. Day 5 I think off smokes.
Otherwise I watch TV mainly. Have a Pumpkin to cook up maybe tomoz.

😂 yeah the little cutey furs it's them 🤣

So lovely knowing you ☺ thank you for your love and care dear friend pubAok yadimh lysvm awyis sss bbff gg awyip

Thanks lovely people 🤗😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🍫🦄💃🚶‍♀️☀️☘🌈

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

The sun is out...the birds are singing, the wind is blowing, the trees branches are swaying and still they are still standing tall...The wind is the tree’s beasty yet they are standing tall.....let’s all of us do what the trees are doing...what do you say Beautifulheart?..

The stars were shining so brightly last night...I went into our 💼 and put some special lotion on my arm that made it rubbery and then I reached it right up to the brightest star and pulled it down and told starry to enter your soul today to give you a lot of brilliant, dazzling, colourful light for your given day today....I hope it works...

I thought that’s what you meant but wanted to make sure...It seems to me since you’ve been on these current meds that your cycling into mania very quickly....

Im sorry Deebi, that you no one to go with you...I so much wish I could be with you in r/l...in spirit I will be....Do you like puzzles ie..crosswords, find a word, etc...if so there’s an app you can put on your phone called puzzles..it is a page full of different puzzles...I found a game called jewel blast..I am hooked on...it’s easy and fun to play....maybe you would like to try that....Just a few suggestion to keep your mind busy on the train/bus on your long trip to specialist....another idea I like is audio books it’s free and has a large selection of books...If you put your ear phones in you can listen to a story you like...that’s free as well as the wide selection of books they have...

I hope today is a good day for you sweety with beasty sleeping and leaving you alone....No no..Deebi not naughty at all..you were being kind to yourself and that makes me so happy....I bought a packet of “break’ biscuits they are like a round wafer biscuit dipped in chocolate...mmmm..So yummy...I had one last night with a cuppa tea...While I watched BFG...it was so funny at times...

Love you with all my heart dearest beautifulheart spirit soul sister..💜🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..please you be alway okay.....yadimh...awyis...

Live and hugs sweet bbff...and all..💜💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🤝👀👂...