Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello again dearest sweetest Deebi.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im sorry about you not feel up to doing anything it’s an awful feeling..one that I know very well as it’s my normal to be like that...Today I pushed myself so much to sew my hottie bottle cover....I didn’t enjoy enjoying it but was pleased with myself when I finished..it looks oaky not the best, but it will do the job it’s meant to do....

Thats okay honey about the bloke you like if your not feeling to have him for a meal...there are plenty of other days, when you will feel more so to do so....

Im very happy you liked the the arms of an angel charm..,if I could for real I would have one made and give it to you....Love 💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 you so much..I wish that beasty would totally leave us alone...had enough of [IT]....🤜👿🤛...

Are you eating properly beautifulheart...please do..it’s very important...I worry about you....please be okay beautifulheart always🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Lots and lots of hugs and deep love...bbff....🤗🤗💜💜💜..

always here for you when ever you want to chat,or in need of care and support...we are all here for you...24/7 precious friend..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝☺️🦄👼💜💖🌹

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandz hi all ☺

Good on you doing your hotty cover. I bet it looks better than you think and practical too. So glad you're pleased with yourself ☺

Yeah not down just .. dunno really. It is hard to do things, no wonder we go 100 miles an hr in mania 😅

I thought same it doesnt have to be this w/e. Hes a good bloke. I said today or tomoz.

So beautiful I know if you could you would. It's so lovely.

Yes been eating well. Pumpkin soup which has celery carrot and onion mixed herbs. The split pea soup other times. Did a salmon dish.

Thanks Grandz you're a beautiful friend. Same goes for you 🤗

Love you heaps darlin Angel ☺💗🤝✨👩‍❤️‍👩💜🎁🗯always precious friend 😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗...

It worked great last night so I’m happy with it..a bit uneven on the sides thought..then again it works and I’m the only one to see it....😂..

Oh Yeah in mania I’ve trained myself to house first, then lawns if needed then..I have to go fast because it doesn’t last long...

Deebi..sweetyheart.. each day I wake up Motivation flies out my window...maybe I’ll close the window then I might be able to catch it before it does😂😂..I have started pushing myself to do things..it’s so hard to because I feel meh about everything or scared...I think about doing the night before and I’m all excited to do it..then nope in the morning...Once I start doing something and I stop with my can’t be bothered mood...I seem to be able to finish....Oh um...I washed up Friday morning first time in a few days..I should do daily but....I usually do when I know mhn or WW is coming...I understand my bbff how hard it is to do...I hope things will get better for you...I also find that after a mania episode and we are in recovery and even after it’s really hard to get motivated to do anything because we know it’s different from mania..

Fish is good for you..I buy frozen packets from Woolworths and fry up with salad or chip....I’m not at all liking salmon except in rissoles...I like tuna and sardines from a tin...I’m pleased your eating well..that makes me really happy....

When your up to it and have your friend over for a meal I hope you have a good time...Its no fun or much enjoyment eating alone...that’s why I think I can’t be bothered much with cooking healthy food..

Do you use a hot water bottle for the bottom of your bed?...they warm the sheets up and I like the warmth of putting my feet on it..it’s relaxing...Ebony fights me for it..she wants to lay on it..but I’m scared it might break...

I hope your day was a good day beautifulheart and you managed to do something you like...

Im watching Bambi..😂😂..I like the Disney cartoons..they are always nice...

Please Deebi...my sweet beautiful friend...pubaok.. because I love you so very much...💜🤗.. awyis..yadimh..

sending you love and some heart warming hugs..💜💜🤗🤗 and everyone also...your all very valuable people...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🤝🍫🌹💭

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 and readers ☺

You're such a lovely friend Grandz. It's just nothing there no drive no desire no want nothing just being.

I spoke to BV they're really nice the ones I've spoken to. If they go with my idea it'd be in a long time. She said I had goid ideas.

Dunno Grandz spent day sleeping not so much tired just meh. Giving up smokes again maybe thats why but its not fazing me too much.

Dont think I'll go to sp.needs tomoz would be a bit zany when my backs playing up.

Tues eve have the skype psychiatrist. Bit dubious hope he's nice.

I don't feel like I have any direction Grandz. No idea what I'm sposed to be doing 😢

This is with Pasta its so tasty the Salmon. Oh btw I love hard boiled eggs ick saw you like them runny ☺

Yes when its cold enough we used to use hotties. Still got them. I've been sleeping some nights in the slippers mil knits us all.

Good Im glad you hsve Bambi to watch and another Lord of the rings think you said too.

Thank you for your love and heartwarming hugs darlin, needing them atm ☺ same back to you beautiful friend. How often I love and smile at you squeezing in the mri with me. You're so gorgeous

Love you very much too. Fantastic friendship. Thanks Grandy love 🤗😚🤝 BPaly sweetyheart ☺

Always 🗯💜👩‍❤️‍👩🎁✨💗🦄🛠👁

[Ggrand]

Dear beautiful Deebi..

Awe Deebi your sounding down in your posts to me at mine and here...if I remember correctly the last time you were giving up smokes you felt very similar to now..sleeping a lot, no motivation, feeling not down, but more meh/flat...I wish I could help you more...

This will pass it takes a lot of energy for our bodies to rid it of the toxins from cigarettes and to adjust as well....and to then start healing from the effects of cigarettes..Please sweety drink a lot of water to help your body flush it all out...and plenty of vitamin C also helps...Boil some water, squeeze a lemon 🍋 into it..a couple of sugars..then sip slowly..it’s yummy and healthy....

Thats okay hun about special needs tomorrow..you need to care for you first....I feel it’s your first priority to look after you...Walking/standing around for a hour or so your foot may get worse sore and if you stand too much it might strain your poor back....

Im really sorry beautifulheart that your feeling no direction..It’s aweful feeling that way..Deebi....I wish I could give you a for real hug 🤗...

I’m pleased that your seeing a psych..and I’m hoping he is kind, caring and understanding to you..I hope you can release some of your hurt to him..but moreso the first visit will probably be all questions from him to you..

My nan used to knit slippers...I wish I knew how to they are nice and warm...I can’t wear socks to bed because my feet get to hot and itchy like a million 🐜 ants had a good feed through the night😂..

Deebi...it’s okay honey..you’ll find your direction when it’s time to find it..for now just be very kind and compassionate with you...please🤗... 🌈💜....

Fantastic friendship Deebi...I’m so lucky that your in my life...Love you very much dear sister.... spirit & soul connected by the universe..Please be okay always....

Here for you beautifulheart..Holding tightly your hands 🤝..keeping a very close watch on you 👀...and listening 👂and looking out many times a day to check in on you...

Good night Deebi...I’m wishing you sweet dreams and a totally deep restful sleep tonight.

Sending you love and more heartwarming hugs dearest bbff..💜💜🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗...Thankyou for you..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝👀👂...🌈💜 🌹💖🔥.

[demonblaster]

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩and other lovely people ☺

You're such a comfort thanks so much Grandy. I told mhw today you thought I was this way coming off smokes before. Good girl ☺

Yes I do drink water must get some lemons they break down fat too apparently.

Because my backs been performing strangely I didnt go to sp.needs.

Yip no directions a bit average and yes someday it'll sort itself.

Thanks hun hope he's nice too the psychiatrist. I did some notes.

You're a beautiful soul sissyter friend and I too love you very much dear Grandy you're an amazing loving kind friend. Thank you darlin 🤝✨🦄🎁💜👩‍❤️‍👩⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful sweet Deebi...

Im really pleased that I can give you some comfort..you do to me as well.....I wish I could comfort you more when your not feeling so good☺️🤗..

Has anything got you down dearest friend?

Thats okay about not going to sp needs...I didn’t go to 🎯..Not wanting r/l company today....I’m okay so don’t worry please hun..

Deebi...I think that by taking small baby steps every day, trying to stop our overthinking and chatty mind...overthinking, and believing that we have everything we need deep in our heart/soul we can find our own right direction....We have to find what makes us happy and follow our happy times..I know it’s hard....I am not sure but I think there’s not just one direction in our lives but many...spending time with your lovely family and friends could be the right direction for that time...helping here on BB is the right direction while your talking to people..going to bbq when you feel to is the right direction for that day..me going to Vinnies on Tuesday is my right direction for the day.....I’m probably boring you...That is not my right direction 😢...I don’t think we have direction that we must follow, I think beautifulheart it’s what makes you feel happy and/or good about you is the right way to go..whether it be an hour, a day, a month..it’s right at the time because you feel happy at the time....

Very good girl writing some notes..if your like me I forget things very easily and making notes is a way to remember with confidence....

Please be okay Deebi..Big sister Grandy can sense you are not really feeling so good...take my hands Deebi..close your eyes..and deep breathe in...hold....relax or beasty be gone...again precious friend..good girl....

Kya and Ebony want to give you a gift 🎁..they are so cute..I taught them how to knit..they sit on their back legs and knit...they are quick..each made you a pair of gloves...Kyla’s gloves have a 8inch thumb 😂 and Ebany’s glove 🧤 has 6 fingers....I hope they fit you..maybe needs some sticky tape to keep them on..but they are warm just funny looking..Awe they tried so hard...I hope you just love them...

Please be okay precious friend..love you deeply..yadimh..awyis..sss 💖..Bpaly👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Love and warm caring hugs everyone..💜💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄👼🎁🧤🧤🤝👀👂🐜🌹🔥

[demonblaster]

😂🤣😂🤣😂

You're so gorgeous 😂😂😂🤗🤗🤗

Love you heaps sweetyheart thank you they're so cute. I love my 6inch thumb and 6 fingers ohh aren't 5hey clever sitting on their hind legs 🤣😂

Not really Grandz maybe just a lot on atm with physical and BP health. No bigs atm as in whooptee.

I didnt day sleep and want to walk sometime just easy was icky today weather.

PubAok thank you for the gorgeous giggles 😂 love ya big time darlin. Always 🗯 awyis awyip lysvm yAdimh sss bbff gg

You ok? Lovey you didnt darts today 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯✨🤝👁🦄💗

[Ggrand]

Good night Deebi...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

If it’s okay beautifulheart..I’ll sit next to you tonight and hold your hand until your asleep....

Then I’ll sneak into your spare room and check on you each hour to make sure your eyes are dry....if not I’ll bathe them with some aloe Vera water with our cloud soft cloth..and keep an 👀 on you precious...

Did you get rain today or just cold?...Maybe a few minutes on your exercise bike 🚲..might make you feel better with you....I’m not sure bbff...

Sitting in silence precious friend....I have a monster installed in your room so if you even stir a little I’ll be sitting next you...Sleep peacefully beautiful friend...I hope tomorrow you’ll feel better...

Good night and sweetest dreams ever..

Sending you lots of love..care..and heartwarming hugs...🤗💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..📖🌈🌹🦄👼🍋👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

[Ggrand]

Oop a moniter installed.....not a monster😂😂😂😂😂..

Silly Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🦄👼