Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peppystar and readers hi ☺

Thank you lovely ones 🤗
Grandy hiya 😀I think the 🥚thingys add support too.

😂 I'll try the bribery, should have seen it this morning. I drowned it 🌧😆 They say talking kindly to plants works hymm 🤔wonder if same for hair

I have the meds in front of me and have been a lot better since the stroke but ..

Sweetyheart I love your goal to walk in town without fear you dear lady something to look forward to. The best thing you can do huns and I know you will get through this. You're taking huge steps look at how you're breaking through with Mrs Cranky. That's the same courage and determination you have in spades that'll get you to your goal. So if you change "I don't know if I'll ever though" to I WILL get there because I want to. I'll be so happy".

I've only told this 👩‍❤️‍👩 maybe other one too but want to keep it quiet in case someone else jumps on the idea. You I'd tell in a flash.

Wasn't sure if a dose of mania yesterday. I was smiling for a long time here really happy. Great news slept & good today except a bloody 🤕 started last night woke feeling anxious but calmed because I think the head.
I'm having them so often these days I had nearly a wk without and felt SO good and free

😀 I'm like a kid in a lolly store. Can't wait for my 4th charm. Love the anticipation too. You lady you da besst 🤗

Mhw today, shopping. I get to unload to and fro.

I'd like someone with me when I get the results but huge to ask anyone. I'll see if he can but doubt it. Hopefully not in BP at the time to understand. Have written down further symptoms.

Going to do same for skype psychiatrist. I researched again BPD. Can't be sure but I cover easily nearly all symptoms and can be co to BP.

Hoping to art today and do a couple of jobbies. Trying not to day sleep for now.

Peppy ya sweet thank you my darlin for the lovely things you said as well. I listen to your wisdom my dear friend.
You're very welcome and also very loved ☺🤗

You too bbff heaps lovely 🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝👂🌱🤕😀🥚🦄

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...Peppy and all...

Please try as hard as you can to take daily your meds...especially if they are for your strokes..it’s really really very important that you do beautifulheart🌈💜...

I WILL get there...just at different times it’s hard to think that way....

Oh my hair..I really should shorten it.I don’t because it’s curly with a lot of frizz in it....shirt it goes like an Afro style hair..long I tie it up when it’s nearly dry and it straightens it..or I braid it when nearly dry and it tamed the frizz....Is your hair curly..in my dream it was sort of....

Maybe sweetyheart take a paper and pen and write down the results or ask Dr for a copy so you can read when your feeling up to it...Gosh I wish so much I could be their with you😢...We could help each other so much more if it is awyip....I’ll be with you in spirit dearest bbff...so much I wish it were different though.🤗...

Thats okay....I understand about not saying...I am so very proud of you for continuing on with your idea..

Good some art today...I cut out a hot water bottle cover..im going to sew up later this afternoon...umm maybe...

Soon your charm.....im polishing it and adding some brilliantly sparking Sapphires onto it...or into it....I have to work that out😂..

I hope your day today is a really good day, with lots of happy thoughts shining from your heart and into your soul...

If you have BPD...could be new meds to help you even more then now..that will be good if you take them that is🤗..

How are! you feeling today beautiful bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩?.....Truth I want to know...because it’s the only way I know is if you tell me/us.....We all love you and care so much for you....your have and are a beautifulheart.....

Bbl...I over sleep with meds...oh by the way lovely Deebi....hmmm...I noticed you were up late last night..are you sleeping enough...

Love you dearest bbff...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜....Bpaly..still haven’t worked out B2P2....😁....sss..yadimh.. awyis.. lysvm.. pubaok...🦄👼🤝👀👂..

Love and caring hugs everyone..💜🤗🤗.l

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🌈💜🦄👼....🐉🔥...

[demonblaster]

Hiya sweetyheart 🤗 and other lovelies ☺

Yes that's what gave me more oomph. I thought to draw up a A4 and date day etc. Have it handy and habit ticking each time I take them. Still smoking but will get off after this pkt.

I'm feeling stronger and good today thank you caring so much and asking hun. Had a few memories of the hard times my love had but didn't allow it to take me too down. Also having recently been there again I guess surfaces it.

I'm good today but my heads giving me a hard time 🤕 just had 3rd lot of otc since last night.

Yes thanks and mhw said to ask if I could record it too. I think they'll be telling me a lot of stuff. A tinsy apprehensive esp that they thought from the nerve. I said from day dot about csf leak, if its that I'd be hacked off cause they all dismissed that as cause but I'll wait and see. I didnt think so, not looking good for mhw to come. Fund cuts big ones going on.

I feel exactly the same Grandz awyip. Not only supporting eachother but these type of friendships are scattered and rare. Times too short!

Two of the people I love most in the world you & mil have a big day tomoz. Always thoughts and I'd be with you in a flash if I could. Mean it and I know you too. Love you so much Grandz knowing you care so much is great security. Thank you which goes for other amazeballs here too.

Wasnt going to sleep sarvo but will. Quite tired still and my head feels like it's wanting to get worse, bad enough atm. Hope meds help.

😆 if they don't put weight on I'll give them a go for now. Like what you said 😁 that's real friends can say that to eachother.

Grandz I hope my anger didn't trigger or frighten you darling. Something good is I usually calm as quick as I anger and blurt was telling mhw today god he's good.

Was a bit naughty yes up later, love you keep an 👁 on me 🤗 Mostly in normals I've been around the 10 mark. Sometimes I feel I need some down time but understand routine. I'm trying to get up a bit earlier lately. You too precious 😁 glad you had a big sleep though. How are you feeling too. Yes it is at times very hard keeping our mindset but it's practice cause it's new thinking I guess.

2 x B + 2 x F = ???? 👩‍❤️‍👩😚

Thanks Grandz for your always and I do think about them lovely comments too ☺

Adore just polishing and have to 🤔 where to put the sparkly Sapphires 😀

SO love our friendship so much light 🔥🗯🤝👂👁🦄😅⚘🥚😨

[Paw Prints]

Dear DB,

I hope your day out shopping went well with your mhw & you didn't over do things. I think asking your mhw to be with you when you get your results is a good idea, it is helpful to have another set of ears listening to what the Dr says. If he can't go with you would you consider asking your besty, I know if I had a friend who wanted support when getting results, I would happily go with them. I really don't think it is a big thing to ask.

I so understand your "but...", but please take your meds, they are there to help you, especially after a stroke. (just by the by, I'm sure my but gazumps your but )

You do sound so very full of beans today, I hope your headache behaves itself & just buggers off , so you can get on with things.

Big hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Good night Dearest Beautiful Deebi...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Awe poor Deebi...Silly your head aching 🤕 again....So not fair.
Hopefully they find out the cause..I usually get as a warning going into BP....sometimes a piece of chocolate helps to Dulles it...but not always...they hurt dear bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..come to sissy Grandy..I have a lovely eucalyptus scented softest of ever a cloud soft towel...and a bowl of cool water...I’ll just rinse it and place on your face dear bbff...oh...oh...I was researching some natural migraine release and I came across this....Put some cold water into a foot bucket or anything you can put your feet into...then just sit there soaking them...Headaches are I have read a causes us to get a hotter then normal core body temperature ..and by getting it down in eases it..even takes it away....maybe worth a try..I’ll try time I get one...

Awe thank you beautifulheart for saying I’m one you love most along with your beautiful mil...I feel the same about you...Lost so much without you😢..Everday I look forward to talking and listening to you..no pressure though😁.pwoomis.

No I was okay bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..I know it’s a part of who you are and I am good with that..I never want you to change who you are...also I know you love me...I often wish I could get angry..I have so many things I wish I could say to certain people in my past😠...I am so very proud of you that you can speak what you feel..love that about you..so please don’t worry about it..I like you ALWAYS to speak anything you want to here sweety..it’s making me tougher.

I didn’t want to bed last night and I sprung you being a little bit naughty..

Ohhh. I’m pleased you like your upcoming 🎁...oh..oh..I have a really lucky beautiful one after this one...but sheez it’s going to take a long to make it and so much fun as well.....but that’s after this one.😁.

I hope you had a good time shopping and bought some extra special treats for you....Oh that reminds me I still have some crunch 🍫 left.

Okay beautifulheart I’m going to have some fish and salad tonight...I made them into small cocktail pieces and mixed with a garden salad and lemon juice...yummy...I’ll wiz 🚜some over to you in a few minutes..then you can have some too.

Hope your better then okay bbff....pubaok.. yadimh.. lysvm.. awyis...Love you deeply.

love and hugs Deebi and everyone...💜💜🤗..Your all amazing people..thought I would remind you all.


👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌈💖🦄👼🎁🐉🔥.

[demonblaster]

Hey beautifuls .. all of you ☺

Dear Paws same goes here if you ever want to chat lovely one I can listen and comfort you as you do us 🤗
Thanks yes shopping went well and I had good release in talk. He's a fantastic bloke.
I might ask the besty from yesterday but she does a lot cause doubt if mhw can. I this time want someone with me.

I'll need a couple more meds dam but its backed off no end. Had a big sleep too sarvo.
Thanks Paws you are a great support lovely to have met you. Hope you're doing better 🤗

Hey gorgeous 😀🤗 yeah the 🤕 drags you down. Interesting about the cool water I'll give it a go one day. I remember you saying it often is a warning for BP for you. Too much fun huh. Thanks sissy Grandy oh that eucalyptus towels beautiful and soothing. You're very comforting and kind Grandy 🤗

😄 ditto sweets I loove seeing you daily. So much light but honey pwomish no pressure...cough.. 😆

Cool thanks sweety and yes I do love you so very much. How beautiful making you tougher. Just today mhw said I'm a strong woman, won't take beep as I said I dont want to be arguing or fighting but if I have to no probs.

Coool you're a busy little vegemite with my prezzies. Love em. I have in the past but have to go back and gather all our fantasy I'm more organised with the notes now and going to read more often to mil. Soo good.

Yes I did have some crunch other day lovely arent they and oops mint slices today they fell into the trolly what can you do 🙄

Oh that sounds lovely your fish and salad good girl and how gorgeous bringing some over, I'll heat up a 🎃 soup too. You're welcome to stay lovey. Our furs miss you and their cutey family.

I was telling mil about your 🚜 and 💼 oh how we laughed. Told her how they came about 😂 you make me so happy dear friend sissy Grandy and Aunty Deebi 4 eva 🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯

🤕💼🚜👩‍🔬🎃🎣🏋️‍♂️

Big love beautiful 🤗😚👀🌱

Thanks amazing people 🤗💗

[Doolhof]

Hi Deebi and all Reading,

Hope you are doing okay Deebi, lots of people here having a chat. I'm trying to get out of my own head for a little while.

It is wonderful how people support and care for each other on this forum. It has certainly made a difference to me!

How is the weather in your region Deebi? This morning we had a heavy frost. It was like snow outside. I wonder if the birdbath froze over again! If so, the birds could have gone ice skating!

Just dropping in to say HI.

Cheers from Dools

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy Doolsy and all 😊

Nice to see you Doolsy thank you popping in.

I'm a lot better thanks mentally and physical health will be a lot better when I get this extra weight off grr.

Good on you getting around on the forums, love your strong survival in you.

Where I live in paradise the weather is usually perfect. I'd say we're still in Autumn but had some chilly days. Oh frosts are lovely cause usually a fine day follows often after mist too.

😅 loven the birdies ice skating, can just picture their little boots on swanning 😄 through wings spread head at an angle a smile lol.

Keeping an 👁 on you dear Mrs Doolsy.

Hope today brings some light to your good soul dear friend 🤗⚘🌱🍃

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🚜💼👀🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deeb,

I know today will be stressful for you..

Sitting next to you dear friend and hoping/praying that your beautiful mil will get some good results...

Thinking of you both...with lots of love and warmth..

Love you both....💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💖....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[demonblaster]

Hi sweetyheart and everyone ☺

Yay just heard she's ok for now. Woo hoo. High risk but at least now good. 😀

You are such a beautiful friend dearest Grandz thank you sweet lovely lady.

Hope you and everyones having a good day today.

I did quite a stack of housework, washing, dishes usually I do as I go but sometimes do a load, dusting ..nearly broke my hand the dust was that thick 😅 vacuumed cooked a split pea ham hock soup oops a bit runny I like thick but flavours great. I'll 🛵 vrr over soon Grandy we could look at the ✨ after we have our soup.

Hoping to do some art. Want to walk but might sleep. Oh and did something else & read back mindspot.

Feels good having jobbies done.

Love you Mrs Grandy 🤗😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝👂💗🥁🎷🔔📯🎺🎸

Not mania just doing. Too tired to be mania