Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Our lovely, lovely DB (and a wave to all),

Your other loving friends and supporters have pretty much said and suggested all there is...and so beautifully too. I’ve little (nothing really) to add.

I simply wanted to say that I’m listening, that I feel for you and that I’m holding my hand out to you to gently pull you up. Or if you feel you need to sit and shed some more tears, I’ll sit there with you and hold your hand as you cry...whatever you need, I will help deliver...

With love,

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Dear Peppystar and all ☺

Thank you darlin I gladly accept your hand and being with me. You're a lovely bunch of beautiful people and great friends. I'm giving your post elsewhere a lot of thought. Can relate to a lot. Will bbl ☺🤗

Grandy sorry lovey yes always want you to come over lovely one. Would love to vent ☺ sorry didnt mean to not reply to that beautiful gesture. Thanks I was pleased with my jobbies too.

Love you all 🤗💗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤗✨💥🌱🎃

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

I hate beasty so darn much....Yes it’s poison slowly eats at our thoughts and tries to take over us.... Do you know something Deebi.....Beasty can never be allowed to take over our heart or soul...

Awe Deebi....Deep big slow breathes....holding hands...in...hold...relax....again sweety...in....hold...relax..

Love you Deebi.....You’re one of the most kindest, caring, beautiful and loving person.. That I have the honour to have met and is enjoying so very much getting to know....I get scared sometimes that you will leave here...because some thing will down you..😢😭..I’m sorry..

Please don’t be sick of you😢😢...Please be okay Deebi...I love you dearest friend and I’m as much as I can be...here for you as your other beautiful friends are.

Sweety I’m off to bed now...But I’ll have one eye 👁 open..one ear 👂 stuck to the screen...but definitely both hands are holding onto you....🤝..

Firstly though before I go to bed and sleep I want to have a drink with you so I brought a tray with me...🚜...I’m teaching my tractor how to drive smoothly...So lesson one was to balance the tray on its roof and to get to yours without any spills😂...Tractor done really well...I’m happy to give her a pass...I’ll grab the tray and be back..um....oops I slipped 😂 now it’s just a tad messy...but still okay....Well nearly okay...I’ll just throw it to floor 66 in my 💼...that’s the wash up floor....Then down to floor 32..that’s my preparation floor😂...Then I’ll be back in a jiffy with a freshly made hot milo drink...your onesy freshly washed pressed and microwaved.....a DVD on the rain as it gently hits the large leaves of the palm trees, banana trees, and and giant plants...along with the big weeping willow as the raindrops land and slowly roll down the long spindly leaves and fall onto the earth creating a puddle of fresh clear water .....delightful but soft bird whistles.....as they settle in for a lovely nights sleep....if you listen closely you can hear them 💤 snoring...😂 just a soft little beep..so cute....That’s what came to my mind while I was listening to it.

I wish so much that you sleep restful tonight and tomorrow although a busy day? ...you’ll feel fresh and relaxed. Please be okay dearest bbff, sss Deebi..always. Yadimh.. lysvm..awyis.

Good night Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....and everyone...Lots of love and lots of soul warming hugs..🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🤝👁👁👂....🐉🔥🚜🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛...

[demonblaster]

What a gorgeous post sweety Grandz 🤝

Thank you love how your teaching her to be smooth.

The milo was beautiful thank you you're such a character love you to bits.

Have a beautiful sleep too precious friend.

Neuro surgeon for results hopefully some answers. Huge travel. Nerve conduction or reduction 🤣 3rd July.

How gorgeous the birdies little beep snoring. So cute love you Floss 🤗😚💜👩‍❤️‍👩🤝✨🌱

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy and other lovelies

Oh had the most beautiful sleep didnt want to get up. Phone rang.

Posting in the right place now 😅 thanks Grandy love I replied at yours but not landed dah.

So so good you with Mrs Cranky how lovely so pleased for you. Very brave and so kind of you sweetyheart.

I gave the nerve bloke plenty of sass, he had a great sense of humour and a come back for every comment 😂 yikes 😲.. 😨oh yeah nerves are just fine good but that leaves the csf or I'm guessing brain. Upper arms are still naughty. July 3rd for neuro surgeon. I asked how long his Sadist degree took 😅 Hes a neurologist and all up 15 yrs wow. He said he always wanted to torture 🤣 lovely bloke.

So tired.

Bbl or tomoz lovely ones. Not going lunch tomoz with besty need to catch up properly on sleep. Just cancelled.

Love you Mrs Grandy 🤗😚

Hope you darlings are good ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀💗⚘😲🍫🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful friend....

Pheeewww...I can breathe a bit easier after hearing your good news about your nerves..🤗...

I won’t talk much dearest friend....after such a big day today....I’m hoping Mr Sandman finds you quickly and grants you an amazing sleep tonight....

Sleep precious friend...but please don’t forget to eat something first....please...even if it’s a couple of boiled or poached eggs..with toast....

Good night precious sss...your in my thoughts 💭 and my heart...love you stashes..💖💜..🤗..

Sweet dreams everyone...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..👼🦄. 🤝 👀👂......yadimh..awyis.. lysvm..pubaok..💖💭🐉🔥🌈💥☄️🎀🍫..

[Paw Prints]

Dear DB,

Glad your appointment went so well. Your good nights sleep must have left you full of beans. Had to chuckle at you giving sass.

You've had a such a big day, so best to have an early night.

Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Paws & everyone that so kindly supports/ reads. Thank you for your time ☺

I really like how you acknowledge parts of fantasy Grandz. It brings on happies again. You really are beautiful 🤗

What a lovely feeling someone so caring saying "pheww I can breathe easier now". You're such a loving friend. SO glad to have met you & getting to know you too lovely friend 🤗☺

Paws lovely thank you for your always very good encouraging posts. Hope you're doing better ☺
I had an arvo sleep yesterday. Oh was great. I put a foam eggshell thingy on the mattress. Good sleep last night too. Woke with some beans in me so had a really good day with other top besty. Always love time with her too. She cut my hair did a good job. I've been thinking to go a tiny bit radical for a while now & it's looking good it'll be better when it grows more and I train it to sit boo boo..sit

I realised I've missed about 3/4 lots of pills which isnt the end of the world tho wondered if my temper tanty recently could have been linked but unsure cause it's something that really irks me. In BP the temper rises with high stress. I'm usually ok unless someones a goose & deserves a serve.

I think for me not necessarily other people with depression is by choice no kids all good there but also my mind doesnt through the motivation wall that I'm chipping at, I dont have goals or projects tho my art I want to do daily, I've stopped again but can pick it up anytime so actually that's a goal which I've believed a long time I can succeed with. This besty wouldnt say this if she didnt mean it shes straight forward. Said you have to get moving with this I love it, it's beautiful (not much is finished). I guess it's down to learning time management & what makes things hard is so many episodes the exhaustion but it'll be cathartic help open my mind more so maybe if I reiterate the positives.

Absolutely sure this idea for BV is viable to raise mammoth $. Want to incorporate art into that too. Going to start talking in the next couple of days with them.

So theres 2 projects. The latter will get the word out fast about mh. Said today to a BV lovely worker I know with BP things are on major scale but it definately is viable.

Think/hope I'm back to normal. Time will tell.

Quirky so comforting thank you knowing you read my posts ☺ and thanks too for your kind words. I thought better to reply here. Good of you asking ☺⚘

Thanks great people 🌹🍃

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and waves to everyone..

That’s okay dear friend..,I think daily if you’re doing okay with both your mental and physical health...🤗..

Pleased to ear your sleeping better...The egg 🥚 shell thingy sounds like it’s helping you sleep...I have one on my mattress as well...they add softness and support I think....I hope it keeps helping you....

How great it was you woke up with beans...and had a really good day with your other besty..I looove hearing about you having good times with your besties...and so nice of her to do your hair....You have wonderful friends beautifulheart...Maybe you can train your hair to sit right by bribing it with some extra brushes,mor some yummy smelling hair shampoo/conditioner😂....

No sweety not the end of the world....maybe darlin leave them net to the kettle so you can easily see them...it’s so easy to forget...Isn’t it?..

Its hard to make goals for ourselves...My one and only goal atm is to be able to walk on my own around town and comfortable....Not sure if I ever will though....Your art sounds beautiful....it doesn’t matter how long it takes to do it..I think it’s nice to have it started then when your inspired or motivated to do some it’s ready to go....

I’m certain your idea for fund raising for BB..will be great..I can’t wait to hear it....in your own time dearest bbff....🤗💜..

Im hoping your back to normal now and that your normals will last a lot longer time then the last two..Wow they were in quick succession...ohhh I spelt a big word..😂...

Your 4th charm is nearly ready...your going to love it...well I hope you will...Won’t be long and you can open your next 🎁.. 🦉 🚂 🎃 and ??...

Please be okay Deebi..always..lysvm..yadimh.. awyis...

Thinking 💭 of you dearest bbff....Love you so very much...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤝👀👂🥚👼🦄🌈🐉🔥..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝👀👂..🐉🔥..🦄👼..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

Your fundraising ideas sound fantastic. I think it’s great that one of your offline besties is so supportive!

Clearly, a lot of thought has gone into it. I feel it’s something very worthwhile for you to work towards. Nice one 🙂

Thank you for your very understanding post from before as well...that means a lot.

Supersoul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo