Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi 👩‍❤️‍👩☘🐾 and readers ☺

Joy when you lose your notes 😒

Peppystar thanks for dropping in dear friend 🤗 so just to be clear... you're not wanting to do the VIP Platinum class at 🤗... hymm 🤔

Yes I've heard same that day sleeps aren't ideal for that reason. Usually coming down I'm ok but at times mania lingers like the down period it takes a while

Just rang my gorgeous Mil & read to her what you said about her. She said that was lovely and it was Peppy ☺

Now I just need to put the idea of notes into action. It'll be easier on the PC with a normal keyboard to type.

😂 I noticed there were several people lurging around your choccy empire. 🤔umm confessions..might ring ya back on that one 😄 or call a friend Eddie

Ditto Paws thanks so much for your lovely support ☺
Can't believe maybe cause I'm more mindful of the blasted thoughts. Untold scenarios I rationalise with them saying nah useless rubbish it won't likely happen then choof them. Not down just hard work but has to be done. Tired still which is normal. No sleep sarvo.

Thanks I told her I'm a slow learner and relieved she said most or a lot get more after the course makes sense cause the more practice of something new. I do like it. At least there's a couple of wks with this lesson 2.

I have to see the eye people & tell them on Monday neurosurgeon visit. I was confused so many health appts from today on including gaenacologist to find cause of wall thickening and rule out cancer. GP said it can be serious. We'll see.

She did various tests with eyes hand/arm strength, all good. Unsure why and that I had a v.recent brain scan and seeing them Monday. If it does it again I'm to go hospital

July 3rd for nerve conduction. Not sure when I can do eye specialist they need $ upfront but the difference is under $10. I'll see but don't think they let us pay the dif otherwise its a logistical trick getting elsewhere that bulk bills but can stay at mils & lot of bussing cause the moneys getting eaten with community transport. Everything works out in the end.

Nerve conduction July 3rd.

Hope everyones at least on the improve ya lovelies ☺

Take good care good people 🌿

👩‍❤️‍👩💜☘🐾🗯⚘🤜👿🤛

[Ggrand]

Good morning beautiful Deebi...d👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Just calling in to get some beautiful sunshine from your precious heart..to help my day feel brighter......

It’s only 14deg here today..so I decided to sew you a one piece really cute and adorable one piece liddle pweedy puddy dat onesy pyjamas...that way you will be nice and warm..I found this really fluffy kitten pattern material..I put some cushion filling between two layers of material....just pop it in the microwave for 3.8 seconds then put it on and it stays really so comfy warm for 24 hours...Now your warm as our kitties and looks like one of them as well...it took me only 4 minutes and 11.13 seconds....Its magical, when you wear it outside it changes into a Sapphire blue jumpsuit....Once you put it on before bed...you don’t need to change clothes..because your magic onesy changes itself magically to your environment....I made me a puppy dog onesy...as well....

Not long until your nerve reduction....oops conduction😂..I’ll pop along with you..if that’s okay....and we can practise our singing in the waiting room...That way everyone will run out thinking oh no it’s a wild animal 🦒🐘🦏🦍🐘 stampede..then we can play charades to keep your mind of any anxiety if you get it while we’re waiting....Oh we can do the same at your geanacologist appointment....Deebi I hope you’re okay...Im really very concerned about your health...😭..🤗 hugs sweetyness.....

If it does it again I'm to go hospital”.....please listen to your GPs advice and ring ambos if it happens again🤗....

What are you up to today precious bbff....I’m going to try to get my washing done and at least vacuum..

I hope your day is good and you have heaps of 💡 ☀️ and goodness in your day...
Lysvm..yadimh.. awyis.. sss..pubaok....deeply dearest friend 💜💜..you’re in my thoughts 💭....constantly throughout my days..

Big love and comfy hugs..💜💜💜💜💜💖💖💖💖💖🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦒🐘🐉🐅🐆...

[demonblaster]

😆😀 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

Oh if you only knew, just seeing you've visited lifts me. Talk about giving someone 💡ya beautiful & how many reading would get the same buzz. Thank you gorgeous. I 😂 always do.. oh oh except when you're down of course 😆...😀 all the way

Just loven the onesy you're a classic.. I'm still 😀😂 my you have very impressive skills there Floss & shaved .34 of a nano second off your last world creation

That was brilliant gorgeous seriously

Going to read it & some more to Mil. You know one of the mind blowing features is to the eye of the beholder I have a you beaut figure 😲 O yeah baby .. my second skin.

Grandz you love care & look after me so incredibly well 🤗 not just words and others here too it's so comforting thank you so much & for a beautiful friendship. You continuously blow me away 💜

Sweet you being concerned ☺ Honestly yes its on my mind but I'm not stressing because my gut feeling says I'll be ok, if not I'll have no choice but to go with the flow. I also have faith in the knowledge we have now days.

What is giving me a bit of concern is getting full diagnosis with psychiatrist. He doesn't know me and that I have good reasons to believe which yes I might be wrong on some, that I have a swag more than BP as you know in itselfs soul destroying. I have a lot more mania than you sweetyheart 😐 my heart really goes out to people having the wicked pain in BP without mania or only little.

Peeps it's not just wanting to believe that so many of us can have the epitome of peace & tranquility. It's in our reach, hard work yes but we're capable

Not wanting to allow my thinking to doubt but also want to keep open to reality. You look like you've also reached the point of ENOUGH! mental tortures its horrific & feeling I'm going to crack & not recover. That's also given me this resolve. I have to occasionally remember the pain & that to reinforce. We'll see how the next few are. Not too much extra stress although extreme in episodes.

Grandz I love you coming with me 🤗 The tunnel I'll never forget.
Love you so very deeply.

Thank you from very deep..all of you 💗

Sleeper yikes last night. Probs more 💤 today. Need to catch up properly. Mindspot maybe cooking. Hoping a walk and art TV

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🗯🌱🖼🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im so happy you liked the onesy☺️..I hope it keeps you warm....I worked up such a sweat making it..😓...Oh im pleased it fit perfectly....I love caring for you beautifulheart..your my 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩bbff...and others here...

When we love beautiful people we can’t help being concerned for them..Please you be okay lovey bbff.. always...

I had a burst of mania today got heaps done but not for long😢..then the tears...Yes sweety you gets heaps more mania then I do...I’m pleased for your highs but so very sad that the sads have to follow...

Maybe good that your seeing a psych that doesn’t know you....tell him/her everything that you’ve been and still do think and feel...That way s/he can do a proper diagnosis...From what I know of you I think also ptsd..is one plus maybe more.....A proper diagnosis means better treatment....Geez I have a list of mh labels....but that’s okay it’s me..it’s who I am...I got plenty to work on😬🙄..

Awe I tried to pass a piece of chocolate (Oh I bought crunch you know the ones with rice bubble in it)..through the iPad screen..I wanted to share it with you..but all that happened is my iPad is chocolatety and now my dogs are sniffing it and trying to wash the chocolate off...😝...no down girls your not allowed chocolate 🍫...here’s a doggy treat for you both.....

Definately had enough of this crap Deebi...Sometimes I feel I can’t take it anymore and want out...Then I think of you, my furs, the others here and it helps me to want to beast this beast of burden...I hope the next isn’t so close to the one you’re recovering from🤗....

It was fun in the tunnel....All those red, white, green lights reminded me of the stars...Luckily you kept still and your films turned out first go..🤗....

Good night beautifulheart...I hope your sleep tonight is deep and restful...I’ll send my angel friends to give you a soft touch on your shoulder, so you dream of lovely good happy things.....Love you Deebi...awyis.. yadimh... lysvm..pubaok...sss👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...bbff...💭...

Love and hugs Deebi and everyone...💜🤗..

See You tomorrow if that’s okay...bbff...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼....🌈💖🍫🐉 🔥....

[demonblaster]

Hello my GG 🤗 and all ☺

Was reading back the onesy 😆 nice touch zapping it. Isn't it fun letting all the pain go and being zaney.

Hope your feeling better today lovey remember your resolve and if you can try every time you feel sad to say NO firmly but calmly I'm not reacting with emotion but I'll think about it. Then take at least 2 deep breaths hold and your mantra relax. Then talk to your thought. Without emotion why does is hurt can I do anything about it was it my fault be true to yourself or their problem any positives etc. This in early days is helping me Grandz and while you focus on that hopefully other thoughts stay at bay. Main thing try hard not to feel it again. Yes it took a long while but I'm pretty sure cptsd and others. Absolutely helps for the right therapies.

Oh love that crunch 🍫. 😅 best they speed up that ability to transfer choccy to computers eh. No doggies can't have it the darlings. Hey thanks for trying to share ya gorgeous 🤣 glad you had your fave Lord of the rings 🙂

Thanks Grandz yes was a very good sleep and arvo too. This is so hard in recovery getting back to normal slept up. Still quite tired & big day tomoz so going back soon.

You know this body part constant twitching I read it's in the muscle fibre. Why arent I losing weight with all this exercise 🤣

I'm ok but not exactly at this point with the amount of thoughts, they're often but not all the time like in BP. I think the hardest part but is achievable and will help me to not be so sensitive ultimately I hope is not feeling the emotion attached, well atm it does but further emotion I'm managing to stop.

In this mania I had an incredible sense of calm which is also achievable I believe. I'm learning to get control over the stress jump and reaction (think cortisol) because they create instant walls blocking our chances of lateral and rational thought. I guess the wall keeps in the stress and fear feelings which focuses our attention. Breathing at those times also give us time to hold on impulse reactions calming at the same time.

Thanks for you dear friend and your great friendship. Thanks everyone here you're amazing good people not deserving of pain.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💗🌌☁️🌈✨🍫🕊💥🗯

[demonblaster]

Grandy and other lovelies

It's like IT like mania has to make me feel like crap. I'm trying so hard to take this on and am making headway but it just can't won't let ya be 😭

I've hardly cried since the meds bits here and there but atm I'm feeling so low except I'll let the tears flow cause they can take my mutt of head parts with them. I'll be ok you just can't bloody relax and sleeping it's near impossible in mania to keep any routine of sleep. Feeling so damned good isnt something anyone in their right mind so that excludes me then 😉 doesnt want to feel and enjoy but its not just that if I go at my usual time these days it always if a sleeper which is needed ends up getting up earlier or wee hrs.

I'm not great and going to do more thought challenging another thing thats really pulling me down and it could be "Attitude" but with good reason.

I'm not bothering with a new thread anymore I felt a little easier that they didnt bother to reply I dont think even thanked anyone might be wrong, we're all here in hard mh too and when you open your heart and try and help someone and they only reply to one person only I maintain thats just ignorant. If you talk to someone in rl which we are real people and so are they and ignore you ESPECIALLY when you're trying to help I wish it didnt but that really hacks me off. Why bother and the time involved.

Then and I doubt I'll bother doing this anymore either tried to nicely guide someone to make a thread there and the person still didnt acknowledge me and was beautiful and compassionate to them which has made me feel I wasn't enough and tried to be. I don't know anymore.

I'm so upset atm can't stop crying the heaving type. Lots of people post in other threads my understanding was to guide them then I heard theres no wrong place to post and I rabbited on about myself in others threads and still feel ashamed and selfish but I was new and learnt more.

Clearly this is still BP, I don't get like this usually in betweens.

If I could just get enough sleep and out of this.

This morning I wasnt to bad even did some jobbies thanks to you Grandy inspiring me and was pleased cause I pushed through non motivation and did the bed flannys turned matress bit risky but we'll see and cooked 🎃 sorted through washing.

Thanks for reading. I'm over my head but ok-ish. Needed the blurt and blubber. So hacked off at the weight & eating

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫🤝✨

[Paw Prints]

Dear DB,

Lassie have a good cry, let it all out. I so wish I could give you a big hug in rl. You are so very much loved & appreciated sweetie by so many people here. I know all your posts are done from the heart & you haven't done anything you need to feel ashamed of. Talking about yourself on someone elses post is a great way to show someone that they are not the only one who feels what they feel. If they don't bother to acknowledge your kindness, that is their loss.

Hopefully you can catch some zzz's this arvo & will wake feeling a bit brighter. Remember you are valued in BB world & rl, don't let beasty tell you otherwise.

Lots of hugs xoxo

Paw Prints

[Birdy77]

Beautiful Aunty Deebsta,

We are all here beside you, please cry and let it all out.

We think you are so wonderful.

I agree with you, it hurts so much when you take time out of your own life to help someone and they simply ignore you and the effort you've put in - and then acknowledge someone else. It sucks. I think I know the one you're talking about here.

It happens to me on another longer term thread - it's hard not to take it personally, although I do try and then I keep going back for more which is possibly silly, but I'm telling myself I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. It simply seems uncivil and not very decent in my books. Makes me feel ungenerous saying that, but it hurts. But it does happen to a lot of us, you're in a boat with the best of company 🛶

We love you.

❤❤❤❤

🌻tweets xoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi....

Awe Deebi....I’m sorry your crying so much..Poor darling these last two episodes have really been the pits for you...come on Dearest bbff......you can do this...I know you can..it’s the times in between that’s the hardest... to try to manage until the normals begin again that is the hardest to get through...and you will beautifulheart..I believe in your strength, your determination...and stubbornness to get through this....

Deebi....sweetheart..I know the posts your talking about...You’re words to that person was very compassionate and caring...maybe your words were enough to pull this person out of downs.....This happens a lot honey..I have around 7 posts to others that landed in the wrong spot and was compassionate and caring and suggested that they start their own post...Truth....They never replied, nor started their own thread....They might be scared to re post...or read from others threads that helped them...I’m know even the champions here have experienced the same...Please Deebi...Don’t listen to the crap that beasty is telling you...it’s not true....The truth is You’re a very compassionate, beautiful, caring, intelligent bbff.....Please don’t leave here...or me please....beasty is trying to break up our friendship...Please don’t let it do that to us..😭😢....

Beautifulheart.Please don’t throw your new thread out into the bin....please...I’ve been loooking forward to listening to you...and learning about different music for relaxation and sleep......

im so proud of you for doing your jobbies...woohoo we both have nice cosy flannel sheets..well done...but hmmm turning your mattress with your bad back...Geez...What I’m afraid of is if you have a bad back,out....pwoomishe me you’ll be careful....

Can I come over your tonight..I’ll bring some homemade garlic bread...so crunchy...We can eat our dinner..then you can talk to me and release the lies beasty s telling you...I have a huge cloud soft cloth for you dearest friend....

please be better then okay Deebi....yadimh..awyis..lysvm and deeply..dearest bbff..sss....Holding tightly to you sweety..im not letting you go.soul spirit sister..ever...please don’t let go of me...either...that way we’re always here for each other and others here....

Will bbl to check on you dearest Deebi....

Big love and many hugs Deebi and all...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy💜💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐉🔥.....🌜🐉🔥🌛...💜💖🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Dear 🐾 🐥 👩‍❤️‍👩 & all 👋

Thank you all ☺ Beautifuls 🤗 I really appreciate your friendships

Paws thats so sweet I wasnt sure if you're a hugger 🤗

Love Lass and Lassie ☺
You were/are so very kind. I did cry more it needs out.

It's happened quite a lot here actually and with someone I care very deeply about. Hurts. I wish I had tougher skin. Tough if someones aggressive towards me but not this way. I really don't have time or any respect for people doing that. The height of ignorance! My way in rl would either be talk and see if they reply it'd eat at me or confront them probs end up in an argument. I try to hold my head in here. People forget or dont realise we suffer too and have feelings. From now on I'll write 3 sentences Hi. Sorry how you're feeling. Might cya later. Even that'd take me an age in bad times. Yes I'm being very sarcastic. I'm going make my initial posts a lot shorter whats the bloody point!

Sorry I've got the whoops pretty bad

Tweets, hi beautiful yes you know the one. I felt a little less miffed but still thought good on them! Same for the others there waste of time.
I know what you mean I still look at it. Not for much longer. Be nice if we could choof threads that don't bother!

It's like a kick in the guts. I haven't felt so angry in a while but anytime ignorance hacks me right off. If I was rude different story.

Love you too Tweets. Truth. Worry about you and care deeply 🤗

Grandy 🤗 I'm ok if they don't come back. I'm not being rude to them and if they're not guided they won't know. I'm not bothering anymore though. Just I feel bad for them if they're not spoken too and I really did and do feel shit about saying all my stuff in others threads.

God Grandz I put everything I had into this BP and held up. Beasty got me but I pulled back up. IT just has to get its pound of flesh.

A nephews going to live elsewhere again it's really saddened me probs because of mood. I'm waiting to see but its on my mind about mil.

I'm not leaving you darlin you're so much part of my life and here.

I got scared cause beasty started saying again I'm going to lose my mind. I choofed it but its poison spread. I'll be ok. Big day tomoz. Sick of the money into travel me eating my weight smoking and me atm.

I'll be ok darlings thank you. God knows I've survived worse just thought I was out of the worst!

Love to youse.
👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐾🐥🤗💗