Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi....

Very good girl imaginary is the way I’m going to try for a while..I really think if we can feel our happy times as much hopefully more then the bands..then we should have the upper hand on beasty.....

Sleep hygiene is so very important our group today was on it...with not enough sleep we are both mind tired and body tired and just not strong enough to pull ourselves up...and I believe now as soon as a bad enters our thoughts we have to be ready with a positive...but moreso a happy memory....

Please be as gentle as you can on your arms sweety until you know 100% what the cause is...Pain is our bodies way of saying...hey slow down....Please try hard to listen to your body.....

I like listening to music and will probable go back to it after...at the moment I’m enjoying insight timers sleep stories....If I’m not asleep after sleep story I then put on some music....Beautifulheart I listen to a bird sound with gentle music as well I’m wondering if it’s the same one..goes for just over 2 hours..

Your such an inspiration for me and others with your insight you have of mh...I’m constantly learning off you as well as others here...

Awe Deebi...that’s okay about the smokes..you’ve cut down heaps and if you only have a couple when you need them that’s okay..I think that they can de stress us at times..and if your stressing for one it’s okay to help calm the stress...

Yes I try the 3rd eye a lot..when I look into it I see pictures or people..I’ve even seen a beautiful river at times..I’m trying to research on it....

I hope your day was a good day beautifulheart and you had some light shining into your gentle caring soul/heart...

Aunty Deebi...☺️..thank you for your pearl 🔮 of wisdom today I listened and placed them into my new journal I’ve started today....I’m only going to enter positive words and ideas...Thank you very much....

Paws..,I love sitting on my veranda and looking at nature with a pot of tea...it’s magic isn’t it...

Pubaok..yadimh.. awyis..Love you so very much dearest spirit soul sissyter..💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹🔮💖🔑🛵🚜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍷

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

What you up to today beautifulheart?..

I hope your day isn’t to bad fo you..I really wish it was a day full of light, love, laughter, happy memories and everything good...How are you feeling darlin?...Just needed to call in and let you know that your in my 💭 and my heart dearest bbff💜...

I can’t wait for your new thread..I’m so much wanting to learn from you different things to help us....You have a brilliant mind and I’m not just saying that either..I have been listening to you for a long time and the help you give me and others is so very enlightening and amazing...

Umm I was wondering if your heat packing your shoulders or arms at all....not sure if this happens for you..if I heat pack the back of my neck...ouch big time headache 🤕..heats my head to much....just be careful beautifulheart..

Sleep as much as you need to precious friend...It’s healing to our body, soul and mh...Hows your coming down sweety...I’m holding your hands tightly..Oh I found this 🎀 ribbon in my bag...once it’s tied around our hands it magically draws in all the good times we’ve had until they go up into our hands then...along our arms...through our shoulders...into our necks until it reaches our minds and fills it so much Love, positives, good memories that beasty runs away....🤜👿🤛....😁.. believe Deebi...Deebi’s beasty beanie, joined with Demonblaster’s blaster 🔫..and our positives is a sure winner...

I know what you’ll say..but I’m saying it anyway...no need beautifulheart to reply...Geez I talk to much...but I need my daily dose of you...💜💖🔮🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Pubaok...sss...yadimh..awyis..wish it was awyip..(always with you in person)..lysvm...🤗☺️..

I hope the rest of your day is exactly how you want it to be..and nothing less..

Love and hugs💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🔮🍫🎀🦄

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy Paws and all 👋

So lovely hearing from you both thank you. I wanted to reply earlier but atm sleeps the priority and still very partially getting away from my head.

I wish both of you it was still just a couple of puffs here and there it was to start but more now. I'm out now so have to just do it. Yip Paws I know I can do it when I'm normal and tbh this episode I could have made it I think.

Thx both about the pearls.

Yes didnt feel I was doing much with my arms Grandz.

The last 3 days have been quite hard but still haven't gone deep but oh sigh it's hard. Mania its easy thats how we need it.

I so want to have this one at least not being down which is too late but if I can hold at this its an improve.

Had an eye wobbly before I went back to bed this morning I dont think ever before but not sure. I felt a bit weird in the head very hard to explain but something was amiss, was ok not dizzy as such but thats probs the best descript went to the loo and bed no probs. Laying down looking at the ceiling my eyes couldn't focus it looked like the roof was moving just where I was looking it wasn't hallucination I could feel the focus was weird in my eyes and they tried to adjust. Few seconds and ok since. I might see GP sometime and see if it happens again.

GP sent a referral to a skype psychiatrist I think I wanted to wait but June 25th its happening. Guess I better study up more and jot why I think a few things and want a better knock out sleeper may not use it all the time.

Love the Ribbon Grandz. I worked it out before reading the meaning. Grandy it really eats at me. I'm not just saying. What if something happens to you and 😢 I never got to see you for real. I get angry about the restriction its not fair. Times short, crying now. Friendships like ours are very rare, so strong. I don't get it, why! Then bloody head started thinking you may not want to. Love you Grandy Floss. PubAok.

Thanks so much for the lovely encouragement you both gave and said.

Going to get a pkt of smokes and naughty food.

🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀👂💤

Grandy Paws everyone why the hell is my head so against me and wants to destroy me. I'll be ok always am. I'm not even in the deeps. Just so bloody fed up with this crap. At least I taste the most incredible happiness anyone could know. Anyway its just coming down.

[Ggrand]

Dearest beautiful Deebi..

I know those tears so much with not being able to....I often think the same that you will disappear...Then what am I to do..Your my bbff and a really big reason...Oh Deebi..if I knew where I would be in my car and heading up or down to yours....never a second thought...

Eye wobbly sounds scarey Deebi...please don’t wait to see your gp...is he/she in town close to you...sounds not a good thing to have..I’m really really very concerned about your health beautifulheart, please be okay...😢please...Deebi..I know this might sound weird to you..but if you have an eye test at an optometrist they can see right into your brain from that strong light they use...and it’s free (bulk billed) ...please hun if you don’t feel for your gp at least get a eye examination at the closest optometrist...But I really would prefer you go to your gp asap....

Wish we could have mania without the heavy downs...I wonder if people without mh are actually living in a low mania state?....

Please don’t be down on you with the smokes..it’s okay sweety...one day you’ll get there..and the naughty food sounds so yummy....I miss my chocolate and thin crisps...oh..mouth watering..I’m going to buy both tomorrow when I’m taken shopping...They will probably look at me and shake their heads, I haven’t had nothing but healthy food in over two weeks..I’m looking forward to snacking on them both..but not together😂😂... enjoy them beautifulheart....

Awe your starting to think like I do...🎀....Two great minds thinking the same..😂😂..that’s what spirit/soul sisters do..

Deebi...I’m concerned about you..your also living alone..if you need to talk to me, about absolutely anything your able to..please do so...I’m always here for you sweet precious lady...even if you want to talk about the weather..I remember not that long ago when you were down you couldn’t post....wow look how far you’ve come...Love you for posting..it eases my mind and anxiety so much knowing how your travelling..holding things in that you feel able to talk about bring us to a full head of beasty...talking releases bits of beasty...

Please sleep as much as you can..recovery is hard and much sleep needed...The sleep stories in insight timer is under the sleep button..they only go for 30 minutes or less and are easy to listen to...and are familiar stories..

pubaok🤗💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...yadimh..awyis..lysvm...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Hey sweetyheart sorry to you and Paws I did but didnt feel I replied properly please both know and any posters I really am so appreciative.

Thanks for being so caring and such a bbff Grandz my healths nothing to what you're going through with your heart. I hope your bursitis isn't giving you too much stick now and if so hopefully in your own bed will ease it.

If there was a way I'd tell you in a flash, have tried a few times but not allowed. Been thinking hard how to have another go. We get on so well. Love you. So good July having the nxt m of the mth eh.

I wasn't scared but thought if this keeps up I'll have to ring ambo. Do need my eyes tested, think probs both be wise. Some here bulk bill, the closest 👁 dont but its only a few $ dif but have to pay all up front. Wish the lady when I asked ages ago said its only little dif unless new people there. Can they see into our brains? Phooey. Heard a pin can without pain be put in our pupils. Dunno if true or not.

You too help me get up in the mornings lovey. You're so beautiful thanks Grandy and that you never leave me. How kind even if for a chat you really are a lovely friend. Same goes if you just wanna chat.

I think I've learnt off you and looks like this mania was longer. Didnt much feel like posting last night or today but managed fine 😁not that I dont want to talk to youse just blaghh but at least not heavies. With luck this'll get better and be able to not go down anymore. I really have had the limit hun like you too no doubt.

Good girl enjoy them not together 😆 you probs would have list some weight a couple wks healthy darlin. Thought of you when lovely Paws said about veranda. We'll have to invite her and the loves for a star night when you're better.

Oh our little furs are wanting to give you their love the gorgeous little things their little arched backs jumping and their gorgeous little hands pat pat...jump...tail up straight tinsy meow..did you know I'm teaching well trying to get them to cuddle every 5 mins 😅 they really do love Aunty Deebi its just they want to play more.

Thanks huns. Can't wait to go to bed and sleep just for a change.

Love always bbff 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍨💤🗯🐕🐶😹💗🍫🎀👁👀👂🕊🌱

[Paw Prints]

Dear DB,

Oh lass, I wish I could make things easier for you. Don't worry about having a smoke if it helps have one, I'm sure it would be less harmful than having high stress levels. Grandy & I will sit with you and hold your hands & we can all breathe....r.e.l.a.x. .... Peppy will share her chocky stash to help, then we can practice swapping every beastie thought with a happy thought, you can do this.

I will try & send you happy thoughts & dreams.......

Big hugs

Paw

[demonblaster]

BP day 17 ? 19.

For a couple of nights earlier coming down which is unusual-ish I had superb needed day sleeps then trouble at night which sometimes happens but only once I needed sleepers in that period of time.

Happy to say since I've been ok sleeping. Today I feel a lot more refreshed and closer to normal. Might have another arvo sleep to fully catch up.

Moods good except an awful lot still intrusive negative thoughts which I'm finding it easier now to challenge. Early days at this, it's part of Mindspot (MS) DIY homework. Just getting into the swing of. Is helping I think opposed to it sitting and growing pain. Unbelievable how much negative and scenarios go on. What the! Anyway onward and has to be upward for not only peace but to save my sanity. Seriously. Slowly getting there so that's the important part.

Paws hi there ☺ As always you're kind encouraging support is very appreciated. Thank you very much ☺

I'll be off the smokes again very near future. It's amazing isnt it how long the craves can go on for and yes I've realised how much in high stress they're a go to. Going to work on changing that soon I hope.

Graciously accepting you & Grandys hands and R*E*L*A*X ...fairly clumsily though grabbing Peps choccy stash, she really is beautiful but a bit of a drill sergeant with her 🍫 empire, but hey... at least she's lovable 😅 we might just keep that one under our hats 😁

Quick change of subject loving the idea of swapping beasties nasties to positives, sounds like a plan.

Did a bit of shopping oops meant only to get a few things bussing, not far to walk luckily and MHW taking me mid next wk for the rest.

Asked at eye check place ahe suggested GP which I'll try again to get through and in asap the eye hasnt done it since but was pretty weird. I'll get eye check after GP needing it long time now.

Hope you're feeling better Paws and any readers that lifes being good to you.

Take care everyone ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫🌱🤝💗🐾🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜..

Awe...Please Deebi...you’ve nothing to be sorry about...You answer always beautifully..🌹...

How was your day today?

How heartwarming to hear your feeling a lot more refreshed and closer to normal..🤗.

Deebi...It’s not that I/we start thinking of our bads.. We could be doing something to keep our minds busy..then beasty gets bored and decides to push away our happy/normal thoughts and jump right in there..Then we have to try to question those thoughts before we feel them...easy..no...hard yes...achievable definitely...☺️... doesn’t matter how slowly 🐌 we go up...as long as it up!..

Thats okay Deebi and Paws... 🤫..I had my 🍫 magnet with me when we all were holding hands and breathing..😂I got heaps..🍫🍫🍫...I will give our gentle beautiful Peppy a special gift of a bunch of 💐 with lots of 🍀🍀🍀 good luck clovers ....I hope it brings Peppy lots of luck...💜..Thank you so much Paws 🐾 for holding hands together with Deebi..The more the stronger we all get...

You’re doing very good with MS..it sounds like you’re understanding and learning from the course...👩‍🎓..Professor Deebi🤗...

I once had a teensy weeny piece of wire in my eye..The Dr pulled it out..I felt it being pulled out but no pain at all...Hmmm it hurts while it was in their so I don’t think I’ll attempt to prove the pin therory right or wrong😂😂😂...

Oh..I bought my chocolate 🍫 and chips...Don’t feel like them tonight..strange isn’t it..we want what we want when we can’t get it...Yet once we get it..Nah don’t want now😂😂😂😂..

I hope you didn’t hurt your back, hip, shoulders, when you went shopping...hmmm..were the bags heavy? Poor beautifulheart....I have a shopping bag on wheels I would love to give you..It’s much easier on your body to use it...😢..

I’m going to bed now beautifulheart..Love you heaps more then a lot.💜🤗..

Sleep well Deebi, Paws,Peppy,Birdy and everyone..I’m wishing you all a relaxing, refreshing sleep and sweet dreams🌹💜🤗.l

Love and hugs everyone 💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🔮💝🛀🦅☺️👩‍🎓🐌

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I’m happy to hear that sleeping during the day is easier. Night time seems to be a struggle though.

I understand we all have different sleeping needs. But I’m just wondering, is there a possibility that you’re struggling to sleep at night because you’re sleeping during the day as well? It’s just that I know people offline who can’t sleep at night if they sleep during the day...

I admire your commitment to your Mindspot course. It sounds like you’re engaged with the content and learning a lot, which is fantastic!

Your mil is a gorgeous lady. You always speak with such warmth about her. Some people are just meant to be friends, I think 🙂

I agree it is definitely frustrating having to repeat the same story, etc when switching psychs. It can become this tedious and draining process. So I like your idea of making notes. A wise idea...

Supersoul hugs and much love to you,

Peppily xoxo

P.S. I have alerted my staff about missing choccies from my factory. Anything you would like to confess, DB? 😉

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

Good to hear you managing to sleep better & that your feeling brighter for it. Hopefully that will make it a bit easier for you to deal with the unwanted thoughts that are trying to pull you down. Remember try & swap beasty thought out with happy thought in.

It sounds like you are really finding the mindspot course helpful, which I think is in a large part down to you. You seem to be someone who is able to comprehend new ideas & apply them to your needs, which isn't easy to do.

Glad you are going to let your GP know about your eye. Your going shopping.... ummm... [staying positive] .... good to get out of the house & have a walk 🙂 (Hoping you didn't over do it)

Hugs & happy thoughts

Paw