Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

You and your gorgeous mil have such a special bond. I’m completely unsurprised that you clicked from day one 🙂 It’s as though you were meant to be friends...

Her health must be worrying you very much. It’s scary, especially as I know she means the world to you.

But one beautiful blessing to come out of all this is she must know of and feel your love and support. I know you’re extremely loyal (you’re the epitome of loyal in so many ways), and you’ll stand by her, love and support her, no matter what. That is priceless and precious, especially for someone feeling unwell.

That being said, I’m glad you’re trying your best not to think too much about the “what if’s.” It’s courageous how you’re still trying to choof off the low moods/certain thoughts (beastie).

Thanks so much for explaining to me. I’m so sorry that you won’t be seeing your current psychiatrist again. S/he sounded lovely, and you clearly trusted him/her...

I hope the chest pain subsides (and that your doctor can look into it) as that sounds awful to experience. All the best with catching up on your reading and I hope you get a good deal on printer cartridge.

Super soul hugs and much love,

Peppily xoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

Lassie I'm going to join Grandy with the hands on the hip & the stern face, please see your GP about your stomach & chest pains. The sooner they are looked into the sooner they can be made to go away, being in pain all the time is horrible & won't help your mh. You give so much to the people around you, please try & give to yourself as well.

I'm glad you had a lovely visit from your besty, I hope you had nice weather for it & could sit out in the garden.

I see on Grandy's that you finally had a good sleep, whoohoo it seems Grandy's stardust worked well. So very glad Peppy's suggestions are helping you choof off unwanted thoughts & enabling you to see them for what they are. You should be proud of yourself, with all the worry about your mil & your up coming neuro visits, even to manage to choof thoughts off occasionally is a big step.

Lots of hugs

Paw Prints

[Ggrand]

Dearest beautiful Deebi...

I know you struggle a lot with little bits of anger at times and I feel that’s okay..that’s something that I desperately want to have...anyway I just wanted to say how very very proud I am of you for not swearing, being rude or loosing it...that’s a step forward beautifulheart which I think really you deserve a 🎁...umm...no let’s see... 💼....still looking....not long now I’m trying to find it....ahh...perfect...how about a yummy lollipop..📍..it’s no ordinary lollipop...after you get past the outer hard toffee, you’ll reach a chocolate coated strawberry, then when you bite into that you reach the final part which is a fizzy sherbert gum ball....so yummy.😋😚..well done Deebi...

Ah..I have our lovely Paws 🐾 on my side concerning your nibbly pain and sore chest...😁...please listen to us beautifulheart..💜..

I hope your besty’s health will be okay... and her partner’s as well...it’s really heart warming knowing you have beautiful friends that love you...and you love them...

I like the box idea, Okay if we could reach in, pull the box out and throw it away..😂...

I feel honoured that mil sent me her love...She is a very special lady Deebi...I pray she will be alright....I

Im not sure but think the lessons stay in at MS in our emails for a while but don’t know how long, it will be good if you can paper them..for me it’s easier to read and highlight important parts for easy access...

Im pleased you pulled out of your agitation and tenseness..no sweety you don’t want those emotions? ruining you day.....Good girl for being able to do that..

i hope you have another good sleep tonight..If I don’t do the sleep stories...I try to send my thoughts into fantasy like the stardust lake and sometimes..well rarely....I dream of the escape I’m thinking/imagining of...Its magic when that happens....

Okay Sweet dear friend..bbff..I want to wish you a beautiful healing sleep with lots of peaceful dreams....love you heaps bbff💜..sss sissyter...🤗..

love and hugs Deebi and all..💜🤗..sweet dreams..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..📍🍫💼🐜💭☮️🔮🖊🐘🎸..🤝👀👂..

[demonblaster]

Heyaz awesome lovelies thank you SO much always so appreciated all of you 🙂 Truth.

I'll be back tomoz to reply properly 🙂

I heard Paws mention your star dust but thought maybe from another post and just looked back and saw your absolutely amazing as always the ear to ear grin and LOVING it thank you so much. What an awesome time we have. Wonderful loving friendship.
Oh Grandz that was so beautiful the Deebi thank you. I'm not saying don't say cause I know this is the way here but grrr and very sad that we can't meet. I don't understand at all if both parties are happy to meet. It eats at me big time 😞 :'(

You're totally the bomb dear dear friend. So incredibly happy to have met you, shame in our pain but then how amazing that here's where we met to help and support eachother.

I must away for now as lately I've been too late to bed but trying not very successfully to stick to the 10pm sleepy byes, normal times I'm improving drastically.

Oh in mania as we know action station I tend to do a LOT more research on about 500 different subjects lol but at least it happens. Manias the life I'm now believing probably in a milder form is possible for a great deal of people but first to declutter is essential. Great thing is it can be done. I'm beginning to be proof of the pudding.

Thanks btw both of you darls I'm pretty sure it was stress because at that time I was majorly stressed and did see a GP not long ago with same and seem ok and was aware for any other symptoms indicating heart. It settled also that groin one todays been behaving. I prefer to wait a bit cause often pains choof. Tho I realise hearts another issue. So nice deep breathing lovelies and RELAX 🙂 all good...hope lol.

Grandz I've been listening again to Weightless and others wow, haven't checked out sleep ones yet but will and going to do a thread soon-ish just gathering info atm and listening to others. I'm listening atm to a very lovely birdy sound and instrumental relaxing music you might be interested in. I'll put the name up sometime or if you youtube.

Much love and gratitude always everyone.

Sleep well all. Nigh nite darlin, Love you very much dear friend. YaVdimh. PubAok. BPaly.

[demonblaster]

BP day 13 (? 15)

Can't believe I"m not over the moon, think it's part of coming down & the work involved but so worthwhile that's dulling my elation of handling this one. By god beasties been trying not as often as the last one. Just so over the intrusive rubbish thoughts deepest pain & struggling.

Improving on talking to thoughts reasoning & putting in a box if I can't or don't have energy to tackle them. I feel better like I'm working through them that they may not bother me anymore.100 down a thousand to go, feels like it but as long as there's change

Todays been a harder day. Been a few hard times but this is major progress & just started happening before Mindspot so with that as well. Finished the majority of it today. Have/n't read back will more later. Been concentrating on as much sleep as po.

I'm going to be careful with mindset but let's hope the others are like this. If I keep remembering the mindset & how good it can be and continue on different strategies.

Unsure if the meds are helping but I'll stick with them for a while yet. I was starting to have the occasional episodes where they weren't as tragic.
One day I aim to get off them slowly when I master mind control that's happening thanks to here greatly psychs bits of research and within.

Lovely Grandz that Gold stardust was a treat thank you darlin, loved the lettering and the warm hug. The lake was glorious. Well done hun, can't remember if I put it in my fantasy folder. So good I'm going to add them on the PC too.

So pleased to see you're coming back up too sweetylove, awful seeing people you love hurting or anyone that's lovely.
BPaly beautiful bbff. Can't imagine not seeing you nearly daily it's a touch of magic and something to look forward to with SO many amazing memories. Love our variety and growing besty friends 🙂 (( HUGS )) yaVdimh lysvm PubAok awyis

Dear Paws I hope you're feeling better today. Thank you as well very much.
It turned out to be a lovely day 🙂 weather wise.

Last night I was here for a while on the PC typing and noticed the weakness and that muscle in my arms not good at all. Been funny since day dot with this. Upper arms still ouch on certain movement.

Nigh nite thanks 🙂

[Ggrand]

Good night beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im very pleased you liked the stardust..it’s really pretty isn’t it golden glitter...Love all the bright glittery colours...some good 5 minute craft on YouTube with using glue and glitter...maybe one day I’ll try to do one of them....

Im sorry beasty is trying to down you...Watch out sweetyheart [IT]xx is very sneaky...we always need to keep our guard up...and I know that..beasty knows...that we may weaken at times and get tired of trying and then....boom ...[IT]xx just jumps straight in to our thoughts...and starts growing at an incredible speed with the food it likes....(our negatives).. Why can’t our positives grow as quickly as our negatives..and overtake them?....

I think Deebi..that if we think back to a really beautiful time when we felt really very happy...and really think, remember and feel those memories..we can get into a good mindset and stay their...

If we think about it..beautifulheart...When negatives come to us..we think about it for some time..going over and over them in our minds..we listen to them for hours...then feel them and react accordingly ie..tears, downing ourselves etc..Now when a happy memory/thought come to us...we think about them all of a few minutes, then we might remember some happiness from the event..but we don’t keep thinking about them...We don’t feel them..ie..we don’t laugh, or smile...we let the happies pass through us...instead of holding on to them....that’s why beasty is hard to manage...Deebi..we have to feel our happytime memories, think on them like we do beasty s memories and continue to think and feel them...then Auntie Deebi...we can win...all of us..

Oh dear...I only came in to wish you a really perfect deep healing sleep and then a 💡 took control of my fingers and wouldn’t be quiet 🤐...😂😂🌹..

Darl..I wish so much that the results were back at Drs..and they knew the cause and could fix it for you easily...please take it easy with them lovely friend...

Good night precious bbff...and all...

Love and hugs 💜🤗 Everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼💡🐾🔮🤝🛵👀🍫💭💧✍🏻..

[demonblaster]

BP day 14 (?16)

Dear Peppystar Grandz & readers 😊

Oh darlz I was moved by your last post thank you very much and I repay by not replying 😆 I know bb's about no pressure which is fab and you too you have such a gentle kindness about you that it wouldnt faze you but as you and several here I too agree if someone takes the time from their day to talk esp support me I like to reply esp a lot of posts can take time tnought and always from you compassion.

Mil and I had afair few in law probs along our journey. Both ways, I can't not take blame but I always knew what a genuine kind good hearted fun person she is, a good communicator listener so much more and a heart of Gold. Over 30 plus yrs grown I/we've grown to yes very deeply love eachother, she's a besty. A lot of things she wouldn't understand which is ok, we're different & from very different backgrounds and eras so I don't disclose all my bits. Adore her Peps. Yip on my mind but also just waiting to see. Be a bit less than 2 wks now.

You were good to say about loyalty in many ways I very much appreciate that.

Yes I'm not down but ..what's the word..about the psych she was very good, the first one that I was really starting to learn from. God I need to talk but I want and do listen to them too. Going over it again and again is annoying I must try and do notes for future psych stuff you forget. I'm going to try and do it differently with the next one. I'd like questions recaps how to's and be able to talk.

Chest pain reduced considerably just tinsies I really don't think heart.

Thx again Peps 🤗

[demonblaster]

BP day 14 + ? 2

Today again I slept a lot needing it. Also partially because I needed to get away from my head.
Harder today than yesterday but pulling up for the most.
Thinking it was a longer mania which is great and I can get more of a taste of what could be. Post to come later because it was as with mania so much easier and with perfect clarity amidst some struggles.

I think in the process of catching up on sleep we relax a little (agree Grandy the guard needs to stay up) hence feeling harder downs.

Been thinking more on positives. Kittens stars trees water are some go toos atm. People love, thinking back to why I don't want to go back to the horrendous mental torture to reset the mindset.

Very tired still. Usual.

Continuing to thought challenge mostly & box rubbish thoughts or box thoughts for later.

Being mindful apart from in mania when every sense is alert takes practice but a key I've been starting to learn and then read in mindset realising when I feel I'm going down or stressed. Then think why and go from there has been helping.

Trying not to dwell and allowing to stay in a blaghh zone is tricky but good thoughts can trigger others esp when we've laughed or had pleasure maybe doing something enjoyable I've been thinking of being in the water playing a fave sport etc. Feeling the pleasure again.

Grandy love hey darlin thanks for your lovely visit 🤗☺

Yes I'm starting to see how much power we get from thinking on goods. We do follow our negative thoughts for whatever reasons in our minds but we can counter them and change our headspace. Tiredness gives us so little energy but I think we have energy and are using it which drains us more with the negative mindset and pain. If we don't push through towards light we stay there and get worse.

Yes I was hoping they may have landed at GP but at least the nerve tests soon.

Don't know for sure but I suspect this bilateral (both sides) upper arm bizzo is connected to this all. If it was just one ? Rotator cuff injury again. It's similar pain but suss both.

Walked today but got fags. Not thrilled but still determined not full time ever again but still need to concentrate on biting the bullet in BP.

Still sometimes like now pain in left shoulder, nerve or associated.

Much love Grandy 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱 so much appreciation to you, here and everyone 🤗

Always 🗯BPaly ☺👋🕊

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers hi 👋

Grandz hi lovely 😀 loved the commentary looking for the 📍 😂 geez I forgot but lucky squizzed back. Wow multi layered yums. Oh sherbets so nice and the choccy Strawberry hey you could make a bundle marketing that. Thanks darlz. So love our playtime 😄 Such a release breaking up pain.

We click on so many levels including support. Can't believe how lucky to be here meeting such beautiful people. And score a besty right up there in the top ranks. Your friendship really means the 🌏

I was so pleased too Grandz. Usually, not always I have reason to speak up but was aware too my mood no doubt made it easier but as mentioned definately with good reasons.

I'll get to the library and print. I wonder if being downloaded keeps them. I'll try to remember to jot ?.

I've started sussing sleep music for a new thread. I prefer some amazing soft relaxing music I've been listening too at times. Haven't sussed stories yet but sometime for sure sounds really good. I hope to master sometime doing it from techniques in my head. I know I said but that 3rd eye is great. Learning to focus is another matter but worth keeping at.

That craft sounds promising hope you enjoy it. Let me know. I've barely touched art but definately want to routine it. Routines a major hard but I can see it's needed.

I think our positives will turn to our favor the more we think on them. Our habit is the downs. I reckon turning the tables like everything we can master with practice and time.

Aunty Deebis 😆 pearl 🔮 of wisdom for today is... belief practice time perseverance and patience is a recipe for success.

Hope todays better again precious friend. Love you so very much. BPaly sweety.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀👂🗯🌱💼🚜🌏🌈🕊

[Paw Prints]

Dear DB,

You truly are inspirational. I love how hard you work at not only dealing with your mh issues, but trying to better understand them, so you can better manage them. I think I should write your "pearl of wisdom for today" in big letters on the fridge to keep reminding me.

It's good that you are managing to get a little more sleep, hopefully you will find listening to sleep music will help even more. Chasing away the bad thoughts is really hard when we're tired, so don't forget nanna naps even short ones can help recharge the batteries.

Please don't be too hard on yourself, I so get how hard it is saying no to the fags. As an ex smoker (14 years), I still find at times I really really want one, usually when I'm feeling very down & I have given in on a few occasions.

The forecast said rain here today, but I have clear blue sky & lovely autumn sunshine. The back needs mowing, but I'm not feeling very motivated so I think I will make a cuppa & sit on the verandah in the sun & simply enjoy the scenery.

Hope you have a lovely day, lass.

Paw Prints