Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

Oh my special lady

I atill catching up. Youve been having a rough time of it havent you. Im really sorry to hear about your news of your disk. I really hope they can get onto that asap and a speedy recovery after that. And no they dont usually stuff around with spinal things.

Idont have much too add. Just lot of hugs to you xoxox ❤❤❤❤

[Ggrand]

Hello DB, waves to Pepper Startingnew,

just checking in and read about your disc, sounds incredibly painful, Rest as much as you can, look after yourself, add physical pain with MH pain would be unimaginable. Pleased they aren't mucking around and getting you seen to asap. Be a good girl and follow Drs instructions perfectly. Hard to when in pain, maybe try meditation maybe can help with sleep, I know you don't do music much, I'm the same but maybe try listening to something soft and calming, earplugs in, just lay there really taking in and listening to the sounds, . Hate knowing your in pain.

Ok I will go now, let you rest, know that we all care. Your not religious I know that, but really hope you don't mind if I say a prayer or two for you.

Dont reply, just rest hun.

Kindness and healing energy sending to you.

GG.🤗🤗🤗xoxo.

[Mathy]

Hey DB,

The neck/disc thing sounds pretty awful, especially when you’re in the middle of a BP episode (I’m dumb, not quite sure of which part of BP you’re dealing with atm embarrassed 😳

I’m a belts and braces kind of person, could you not go back to your BP meds, until you’ve got the neck issue sorted out? No shame in taking a step backward, so you can sort the neck issue out.

Only saying ‘cos physically you sound wrecked, and that neck needs some energy putting into it. You need to be in tip top physical health, me-thinks?

Anyways, big hugs to you and look after yourself.

BTW - Aussies smashed the Poms today, Ashes now back in Aussie Hands

Take care, bestest, cheers M 🙂

[demonblaster]

You lovely supportive group thankyou so much soz was at airport & had to choof they called us to go through

No pain for while it happened within last few mths being careful but clearly they've seen something

Wouldn't well would actually wish on worst enemy

Going to spend next couple days bed, nah Maths still on one of BP meds reduced its never different recoverings like you survived a train running over you

Yeah lets make a circle of hands anyone can join & we'll get through together

So grateful to you all

Will catch up near future when got access to laptop (easier) reading most days xx

[demonblaster]

Reduced again diabetes med

[demonblaster]

Sorry not individual replies do read. Sooo appreciate you all

Just need to pull outta this shit & will eventually

At least this is better than the others but still deep crap, at least held from deeper. Progress

Cant word it.

It's shit. Working on, starting to & going to get through

Friggen over it but need to turn pain into more determination

[startingnew]

no need to individually respond DB, i know. i get it.

keep your chin up, when you can longer see the light reach out nd we will continue to guide you no matter how long it takes.

big soul hugs special lady, xoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I agree with Butterfly Wings (Startingnew) about not worrying about individual replies if you’re not feeling up to it. We get it and understand. It’s okay...

You sound like you’re in so much pain and feeling very low. Yet there’s still your trademark determination that shines through despite the struggles...what a beautiful person, you are...

We will all hold your hand (probably have to take turns though lol) during this difficult period...

With you in spirit and sending love and hope.

Pepper xoxo

P.S. Resting over the next couple of days sounds good. Kind thoughts.

[demonblaster]

Thanks lovely girls x

Found out more re neck knew it must be serious cause of priority for surgeon

CSF (cerebro spinal fluid) bout half centimetre around T 1, 2 & 3 (thoracic) back next vertebrae after base of neck) i said to GP oh at least not much he said not much room there. Oh oh

Learnt nursing 1 yr training how mega important csf is it's around brain & spinal column.

Has to be sorted if gets worse pain be worse could lose use of muscles in area

Pain specialist didnt see it

Could be due to trauma or ? But very dangerous explains why its urgent.

Not looking into it today but ph bill doubled got new tablet sposed to & promised wasnt gunna cost anything. Got it after being hacked.

Lifes peachy atm

Sigh

Gotta roll with neck/back but phone, no no no!!!

Have to wait & see, not stressing BP's enough but have to prepare for possible outcomes

[Mathy]

Hey DB,

Look on the bright side, at least you’ve been prioritised - which is something of a miracle 😊

That’s cr@p about your data/phone, especially as you thought you had a good deal.

Triple hugs, take care, cheers M 🙂