Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[Birdy77]

Hello Tess,

I understand what you are saying about just wanting to talk freely about how you are feeling, without going into anything particular ... I guess that's part of the function of these forums?

You can talk here if you would like ... even if it's just a ramble or a vent. I am thinking of writing on my thread today because I'm wondering if writing out my current feelings might just be a little bit helpful to me. Maybe for you too?

I feel like it can sometimes help to just get things off your chest, or work through something for yourself.

We will listen with understanding and empathy if you would like to unpack anything for yourself.

We get what it is like and we care.

🌻birdy

[Tess2]

Hi Grandy,

i am not really angry about it just frustrated. I have had a great psychiatrist, years ago, and some ok psychologists. But it becomes very predictable especially with psychologists what they are going to say etc. I have registered with mindspot, so mY give it a go, But I don’t want to do anymore CBT either, so I need to look into it more.

How are you travelling? I hope you are getting some rest and feeling more at peace.

Tess

[Tess2]

Hi Birdy,

thank you, I may try a ramble later, once when I did that I then got a call from beyond blue asking if I was safe etc, I know they have to but. It still put me off writing too much.

I am going to my doc today about my current symptoms and side effects. I also have a really sore back, which is limiting my activities.

Ah well.

I hope you are travelling ok and getting some joy

tess

[Guest8901]

Dear Tess,

You sound so down ....... and I'm quite concerned about you. I thought I'd check back in now to see how your GP appointment went today.

I also want to again encourage you to feel free to have a ramble or rave here any time you feel the need. I wrote to you earlier today, but it didnt appear until after you'd already replied to Grandy and Birdy. So you may not have even seen that post. Therefore I thought I'd repeat that talking really can be very helpful and therapeutic.

If you feel it would help you ... please have that rave you may need right now. Release those pent up feelings. Remember that this is your thread to use as you see fit. Its your support thread, so please do and say what you think will help you. That is what these forums are all about. Moderation is there to protect us and others on occasions but, provided we stay within the rules, we can say what we need to say.

I really hope you're okay Tess. 🌺💜

Amanda 💕

[Croix]

Dear Tess~

I'm glad you did not mind me putting my 2¢'s worth in. The 2nd, SCBS is actually quite good, you can talk to the same person a number of times and the conversations do range a bit.

Nevertheless I understand what you mean, you say the magic word 'suicide' and that starts the machinery rolling in normally a pretty predictable fashion. That can be essential of course, however when not completely overwhelmed other approaches can be refreshing.

Here I'm talking about myself, not suggesting anything for you. I find like many as I were to become more suicidal my thoughts narrow down to a small part of my life, naturally the things that are terrible and seeminly unfixable.

So gentle conversations about unrelated matters do have their place.My BeyondNow has everything in it from Sounds of Silence & Windmills of your Mind in YouTube to the Belgariad by David Eddings, with tons of other stuff. Plus comedy (old BBC stuff of course:) Under Milkwood is a refreshing painting of my youth.

The News from Lake Wobegon (now sadly finished) was another. These all pointed to other places in the world, other me's, some younger, some not, but all with broader horizons, attainable hopes.

Being a different me in a different world helps me to disregard that impenetrable knot my mind has built. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you.

Hang in there Tess

Croix

[Lee lee 73]

Dear Tess,

I do hope you are doing ok. How is your back today?I don't like help lines either Tess, for the same reasons as you. I sincerely hope you're having a better day.

Thank you for the coffee on mine.

Lee

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Tess,

How are you going? Are you ok?

Let us know how you're going. ..when you feel up to it of course. Thinking of you.

Lee

[Tess2]

Hi Lee

thank you for your kind post. I am ok, just sad at the moment and upset with myself. I can’t seem to motivate myself to do much . I am sure it will get better

tess

[Lee lee 73]

Hello dear Tess,

So sorry you're sad. Is there anything I can do to help? Please try not to be mad at yourself. You have nothing to be mad at you about. You didn't choose to be where you're at. I'm here if you need a listener.

Take good care Tess.

Lee

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Tess,

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. Don't be mad at yourself - for anything. If it's any consolation, I'm not very good at motivating myself either. Maybe we can be bad at it together!

Sending you caring thoughts ❤🤗

Lee