Scared for incarcerated son

[worriedmum64]

Hi,

My son is 28yo and currently on remand and looking like he will be sentenced for 2-6 months.

He has struggled with his mental health and drug addiction for over 10 years.

This is not his 1st time in trouble with the law but first time in jail.

I have had limited contact and haven't been able to visit and he has been locked up for 3 weeks.

I'm concerned he has gotten himself into trouble and scared he may be in danger.

He rang today and left a voice mail asking me to deposit money into his account as he's in trouble and owes money.

I also had a call from someone's partner who claimed they were with my son asking me to put money into his account.

I don't know how the system works and haven't been able to get answers or information when I've called the prison.

My dilemma is do I deposit the money or will this be the 1st of many times I'm asked to deposit money.

I've heard drugs are readily accessible in prison.

Thanks for listening.

I just don't know what to think or what to do

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm an ex prison officer, some 46 years ago. I was 21yo when I started and was there 3 years. Many things have changed since- mobile phones, allowances etc so what I know might have altered.

All prisoners whether they work at a prison industry or simply walk up and down a exercise yard and refuse to work, get an allowance that pays for essential items like soap, toothpaste and the like. Much of that is saved up and given to the inmate upon discharge. 

Then days bank accounts were not permitted so I dont know about those details. Computers not invented!. The likelihood that such funds he is seeking will go towards contraband is high and therein lies your major problem. By giving him money you could well be funding drug use or money used to gather better relations with other inmates. So, my suggestion to you is to give him a small amount say one fifth of what he is asking for and tell him that you cant afford any more, that you have expenses and you will fall into arrears if you do. If he has any care about you falling into a bad financial situation he'll understand, if he wanted the money for inappropriate purposes, he'll push you for more.

Your son is 28yo, he is responsible for his situation and therefore is responsible to fight his way out of it. Time and time again I've seen men in these predicaments and it is a cycle that cannot be broken by family input. It's a mental change that they themselves must alter. 70% of inmates return to jail.

I appreciate that hard love is indeed a hard thing to carry out. You want to continue to be the good mother that you are and love your son very much but to trickle some funds to him is for him to learn to advance his responsibility and thats the only way he'll learn.

I'm sorry if I havent given you the answer thats ideal... it is a tough situation. As for his future without knowing any details, when he is discharged you could discuss with him all the changes possible so he start a new leaf including moving to a new town etc. But you might need to always keep your purse-strings tight. Addiction calls for that unfortunately.

TonyWK