Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend, beautiful b/birdy (& a wave to all),

I’m gently extending my hand out to you. It’s okay if words are hard at the moment...you can talk when and if you’re feeling ready. Gentle & easy, does it...

Thank you so very much for reaching out to me, despite your own pain & struggles. You’re a special one 🙂

Thank you for your love & care. Such warmth and compassion in your words that is so reflective of your empathic nature. Thank you for mentioning gentleness...yes, you’re right, sometimes gentle self care is needed 😉

However, I feel in addition to gentleness, sometimes I feel that I need an outlet for painful & difficult emotions. The ones that I manage day in, day out, in order to honour my other commitments, responsibilities and work towards my goals.

The things is I feel if you have a certain grit, sometimes the pain doesn’t always have a way out...gentleness may soothe it and is most definitely important in its own way, but it doesn’t really allow pain to be released, does it? That’s okay though, I know that I can channel that into some form of creative/artistic expression.

People have asked me in the past why so many of my creative projects are sad/bleak ones...isn’t it obvious? They seem sad because the creator of those pieces of work is sad...I don’t think it’s a big mystery to solve. Unhappy people sometimes make unhappy things. There are many people like that around the world. Simple, really...

But I suppose then there’s the other extreme... stand-up comedians who use humour as a form of healing, coping, and maybe hiding too...I’m not really into watching stand-up comedy (not my thing), but I have offline friends who love it...

I’ve always secretly wondered what happens when stand-up comedians leave the stage. Specifically, I wonder what happens in their emotional life. That’s my little, slightly irrelevant musing of the day 😉

Lovely friend, whenever you feel the words returning to you, you’re always welcome to chat. I would love to hear about how you have been & what is happening in your world...but of course, no rush or pressure though...as I said, gentle & easy does it...

Thinking of you...

Sending warmth and love to your beautiful self xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hi again beautiful ❤

I guess my concept of gentleness might be a bit different to what you have in mind. I don't think of it as something mild or meek. I think i am talking about a concept of acceptance and allowance for whatever it is that needs to be felt.

I think the idea I'm trying to relay to you is not about soothing, but about freeing those reins or confines that you need to be in whilst you're gritting it out. At the end of the day, allowing yourself to free those emotions, softening the edges that you need to have up for your commitments.

I have been listening a lot to some podcasts and meditations about the concept of "this too belongs". Like, "there is room for this too". Whether it be sadness, anger, outrage, boredom, whatever. It all belongs. There's room for it all.

And i guess that is what i think of when i think of gentleness. Allowing it all. Accepting that it all has a place in our lives. And softening our edges to allow that to have expression and room. Softening the edges that we need to have up during the grit of the day to day in order to allow the spilling out of the essential feelings ...

Being gentle enough with yourself to let yourself go, including allowing yourself to express the difficult emotions and sadness and angst in the way that makes sense to you. Allowing all of that, accepting that expression, letting yourself flip out/ relax/ express etc, in my eyes, is being gentle.

I guess i mean i want you to relax those rigid walls when you can, to let what needs to be felt, be felt. I see that as being gentle with yourself : knowing what you need and allowing it.

Whether that be splashing around paint jackson pollock style or running really hard for 10 kms or lighting a candle and floating in the bath. Knowing what you need, and doing it.

I hope it makes some sense.

Love xoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful birdy (& a wave to all),

Sorry, my bad. I’m sorry, I think that I’ve misunderstood you. I was definitely associating “gentleness” with different things to you. Thanks so much for patiently explaining, my friend...

If I’ve understood correctly this time, I suppose your understanding of gentleness is (maybe) something similar to my “ebb and flow” of feelings? I agree with you that there’s a whole range of human emotions to feel, and that it all has its place...thanks for the loving reminder 🙂

That said...please don’t hesitate to let me know if I’ve again misinterpreted, or if I’m just having an entirely different conversation to you 😉

I feel, to a large extent, that I’m at peace with the concept of feeling the feelings. But I think maybe, in my own case, it’s more about finding the best expression of those difficult feelings, within the pressure constraints of my life. It’s about wanting to communicate a story of sorts but struggling to find the best medium...

But in a way, I wonder if we’re having 2 slightly different/parallel conversations? I’m not sure, but maybe what I’m trying to talk about is more storytelling (very inarticulately), rather than necessarily allowing space for my feelings/gentleness.

I get that “storytelling” is maybe a form of gentleness/allowing space for feelings in its own way...maybe it’s just that you’re talking about gentleness in a broad sense, and I’m talking about a very specific kind of gentleness (storytelling)...

I feel as though I’m not much making much sense tonight (laughs)

Anyway, I’m happy you are growing and learning. Those podcasts and meditations sound as though they have been very helpful. As always, if you want to share anything about your journey/thoughts/feelings, you’re welcome here. Free rein, beautiful friend...

Thanks again for explaining and for your patience and love.

Love from me xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello gorgeous friend ❤

Well, I'm not 100% sure, but i *think* we may now be on the same page 😊 yes, i guess my idea of gentleness might be similar to your ebb and flow. I think we've arrived at the same point eventually.

Funniky enough i did have an image of water in mind, it's such a strong force of nature, but soft at the same time, it accommodates the hard edges it passes, but ultimately can literally slice through stone. I am thinking if a quote but can't quite capture it.

I think i understand more now that you are seeking out mediums for expression and therefore maybe some release of the painful and difficult feelings and experiences?

I am listening to you and always paying attention to your thoughts and ideas, so if you would like to talk more about it, i am here.

How has the last week been?

I have not been feeling as on-top of things as I'd like, but that's ok. Hey, i at least finished my tax return today. Ever noticed that the letters that make up the word TAX are all present in the word Anxiety? Coincidence??? I think not ...

Oooh, had some awesome news from some friends of mine and mrs b, ones who occasionally come diwn here to stay ... they have decided to go vegan! They are going to transition a little maybe like what you had in mind. I was so happy, as you can imagine 😊

Love to hear how you are.

Think of you daily.

❤

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful birdy (& a wave to all),

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on water, lovely friend. I agree that it’s majestic and a life giving source that is both gentle but powerful...

Congratulations on finishing your tax return! I bet you’re feeling relieved. You’re probably onto something there about the letter sharing not being a coincidence 😉

I can picture your excitement when you heard your friends’ news. What a big step for them. That’s really excellent news! Good for them too.

Thank you so much for caring and thinking of me, dear friend. It has been a rough week, but I think if I can find an effective way for me to channel/express my emotions, I’ll be okay.

How are things going and how is your garden coming along?

I care about you and think of you often too. Always happy to hear from you 🙂

Sending love and warmth to you and your beautiful family xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Gentle Peppy, sweety Tweety..

Im just calling in to wish you both a glorious day today...Each new day is a new start from us...Love that saying...because it’s true, and I think if we closed each day off like a sunset and started our new day as bright as the sun...we can have everyday a good day....

Water is awesome...I agree it’s got so much power in it...Strong enough to carve a rock over time...yet soft enough to be healing....

I was thinking about the both of you this morning...When I think of one I think of the both of you...I love listening to the support, love and care you give each other..it’s so uplifting..and beautiful...

Peppy..I want to thank you for your support on mine..I am grateful..and feel bad not coming to yours as much as I should/want to...

I have a lovely picnic basket for you both to enjoy together tonight....While your sitting somewhere outside under a tree and enjoying Mother Nature...It’s got a yummy dip and crackers...Strawberries and choc dipping sauce..and a bottle of champagne....Sure to make beasty hold off for a couple of hours...

Not much of a post...but wanted to say hello to the both of you....

Sending you both my love, care, and soul hugs..💖🤗..

Grandy.....

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

What lovely words about the sun and the sunset. Thank you so very much for visiting. It’s wonderful to see you here 🙂

A warm thank you for the generous picnic basket as well. That’s a very thoughtful gift and I absolutely love it!

I hope you have been taking good care of your gorgeous self.

Love and care to you and your fur babies xoxo

[Birdy77]

Hello lovely friend ❤

I'm so sorry to hear you've had another rough week.

I am wondering if you have been able to channel any of your difficult feelings in a way that has felt like a release for you. I would love to hear anything you might feel like sharing.

Yes i was so happy to hear my friends' plans for changes in their lives. Their passion is climate change, and they've recently had a baby, so a lot of things are clicking into place in their thinking because of the kind of world they are envisaging their child will live in.

Have you had any catchups with your new peeps? Anything brewing with the community project?

I have been feeling really lousy the last week or so, maybe longer. I lnlw i told you i was doing better - I always feel like i jinx myself when i say that i am feeling on top of things. Seems to undo itself at precisely that moment. Not to worry, I'm just going with it. There is room for this too (i guess).

The garden is starting to go a bit gangbusters, that tower of flowers i told you about is definitely a leaning tower now, with multiple scarves. I've nearly lost it a few times thinks to the crazy winds. The bees are absolutely loving it, i counted about 20 this morning wirking very hard on it and filling up their little saddlebags with pollen. So that's a good thing. I hope they have a hive somewhere private where no humans are going to steal their honey.

Went to the beach last night, mrs b bravely went for a swim, i enjoyed just wading and burying my legs in the sand.

Love ❤

🌻b xo

Hello Grandy, and thank you so much for thinking of me and sending your love and care, plus a champagne picnic 👌 very lovely xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (birdy),

Thank you so very much for reaching out, for caring & for sharing, despite your own pain. What a blessing it is to have your beautiful friendship 🙂

I am sitting next to you, hearing you out if you want to talk or offering quiet company if you would prefer some silence to process things, my friend. I feel sad to hear that you’ve been struggling...

I am here & I care about you. I like how you’re taking your feelings in your stride though, even if it’s very painful & overwhelming. I think that’s brave...that acceptance of a range of emotions is brave, or at least I think so...

I can imagine your great joy when you heard your friends’ wonderful news. I think it’s great that they care about climate change & are making decisions based on the kind of future they want for themselves, their child & the wider community.

Your floral leaning tower sounds like a resilient fighter. Even after some close calls, it’s still going strong. A survivor. I smiled to read about the bees. I find them calming to watch for some reason...

I managed to make this particular artwork recently, & as odd as it sounds, I now have daily conversations with it. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol, but I managed to create something that really captures how I have been feeling.

There was a sense of relief that I could translate my emotions into something that made sense to me. Something tangible. Seeing as people generally don’t seem to understand me much at all, I’m apparently now resorting to talking to inanimate things...I managed to find some small canvases last night, so who knows, maybe I’ll soon have even more new “friends/family” to talk to 😉

I have been seeing some of the new people in my life. Investing time in getting to know them, because I think that’s important in pretty much any relationship/friendship: time & effort. It has been good as we have some common ground.

The community project is slowly underway. Community Guy is going through some personal stuff, so he has been taking a bit of a backseat lately. But it’s okay, a few of us, including me, have agreed to take the reins for a bit while he deals with some things.

How is your weekend looking, lovely friend?

I think it’s nice that you went to the beach with mrs b. Hopefully you’ll get to go again soon, and you’ll enjoy both sand & water 🙂

Always caring and listening if you wish to talk or vent. Thinking of you and offering some gentle company.

Love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello lovely friend,

I'm so pleased to hear you were able to express some of your emotions through your artwork. And double bonus is that now you have a new conversation partner. I can relate to that. I often have a chat with my pots as i form them out of clay. It helps!! I reckon convos create better art. I talk to my plants in the garden all the time too, and that definitely helps!

Did you make any more friends with the small canvases you found?

I'm so glad you've been spending time with these new peooke in your life and that your finding some common griund and perhaps forming some bonds. I'm guilty of neglecting the time and effort required in some of my friendships lately.

It sounds like things are slowly happenibg with the project, that's so good to hear that you might have found another avenue to put your energy and creativity.

How have you been feeling?

I'm heading to the beach for a walk and maybe a splash this afternoon. I've been feeling ok the last few days. I made yummy scrummy vietnamese style rice paper rolls yesterday with a creamy peanut dipping sauce 😋 they taste so clean and fresh . I can't remember if i gave you myrecipe for that or not. Don't want to overwhelm you though, i know i gave you a recipe or two already, maybe one recipe per year is enough for you 😉

Thinking of you, and hope you are taking good care of your lovely self.

🌻b xo