Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

I think it’s beautiful & moving how you honour your brother’s memory. It must be hard knowing that you’ll never meet him again this life time,

Even if you feel at peace, I don’t think we ever stop missing loved ones. Not really ...

That special spot on the beach is sacred. A place for just you & your brother. Beautiful. A place to reflect & connect with his memory in your own way...

No, not yet. I know it’s silly, but I want my little ceremony to be “perfect”...nothing seems to be good enough yet...

Your to-so list sounds extensive. I suppose it left you with mixed feelings. But yes, if you “take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves”

Gentle & easy does it though, my friend. You’ll get there. I believe in you. Rome wasn’t built in a day 😉

I’m very happy you’re getting something out of Rabbits for Food. Yes, I agree with you about Bunny’s friends...

As for Inglorious, I’m actually up to the part where Rosa is staying with her married friend in the country. That whole dynamic feels strained to me. I don’t think they have bad intentions, but they seemed a little smug & insensitive at times...

Not sure if it‘s just me or is there something a bit sinister about that scene?

Your plantasia roll was clearly a success! It sounds so good. You always make such tasty meals 🙂

Vet science would be incredible! But that would mean a new qualification. Understandably, it’s not a course that can be done online. As I still need to make a living, I wouldn’t be able to do it realistically.

I was thinking about doing something creative. Building my portfolio & skills. I don’t want to subject myself to poverty, so I’m going to be strategic about it.

I think that I’ll be visiting a friend who lives far away (instead of Paris). I haven’t seen her in ages, so even though we keep in touch regularly, it’s not the same as seeing someone in person.

Good news, I haven’t seen my void fillers & leeches much lately 😉

I value human connection above so many other things. Home is about people. That’s home. It’s not necessarily a place, but it’s where my pack is. Wolves run in packs, after all.

Come to the Edge looks intriguing. What an unusual story line. I would be interested to read it; I’ll try to find a copy.

Thank you for chatting with me, lovely friend. You’re always appreciated & cherishedx

How is your week looking? Do you have any plans to garden, picnic, cook, dance, etc?

With love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hi beautiful friend,

Here is my hand, take hold. I will sit with you in your sadness. You sound flat and maybe drained. I want you to know you are in my heart and thoughts. I know you are hurting.

No, that does not sound silly in the slightest.  You can take as much time as you want or need. When it feels right, that is the time that it will be right.  Not to say that you will want to do it this way, but you could also do a series of small things/honourings/offerings/ceremonials, that add up to a whole, over time, or tell a story of sorts. If that makes sense.  

I did something similar when i had to say goodbye to my closest friend a few years ago. I couldn't seem to conjure the perfect offering, so i did it in small acts, each i tried to make as perfect as i could. Examples were: a weeping cherry blossom i planted in a special place; a piece of art i created; a small private ceremony at a favourite lookout. 

I couldn't seem to create the perfection i wanted in a big "ceremony", so broke it down. It helped me, & maybe in some ways it eased my anguish by allowing myself to do it bit by bit. Doing it all at once may have felt too big, too final, i don't know. I was a mess at the time - i guess i could only cope with breaking down the enormity of the pain i felt saying goodbye, into smaller sections or something like that.

I thought i would share that in case it helped you in some way.

There is no hurry, no matter what or how you decide to do it.

I agree that subjecting yourself to poverty (à la Rosa!) would not be a perfect plan. Building your creative/artistic portfolio and skills sounds nurturing, fulfilling and achievable. It's a good goal. Now that you've decided not to go to Paris, you could divert some of the $ you were going to spend doing that, towards your creative endeavours.

How lovely to have the visit to your friend to look forward to, after not seeing her for so long, i am happy to hear that you have that on your horizon.

Hmm, when Rosa goes to visit the couple in the country, i found it such an arresting juxtaposition of their jolly, "delightful", wholesome rural life against Rosa's solitary, intensely private turmoil. I was expecting her to be embraced in this nurturing loveliness, cared & fawned over - but the scene at the dinner table just showed their ignorance i think, the way they told of Grace & Liam's visit, so insensitive! " 'They say you were depressive, overbearing, self-obsessed,' said Will. He was so natirally congenial that he smiled as he said it."  They live in a different universe!!

What did you find sinister about the scene? I felt my anguish for her escalating so much, because i had anticipated that getaway as being a reprieve for Rosa, somewhere she could catch her breath, the poor darling.

I have just read the NYE dinner party scene with Bunny &Albie's awful "friends" at The Red Monkey. Oh Em Gee-ness. These people! The convo about the "tradizionale" vs "condimentos" balsamic vinegar  And Trudy stoops to using the commercial grade to make her salad dressing at home ("Oh Trudy, how could you?!")  😂  & then Bunny "wonders how much longer she can sit at a table with 5 people engaged in passionate discourse about balsamic vinegar, the answer to which turns out to be three seconds." I don't blame her.

Great, let me know when you get a copy of Come To The Edge, we can read it together.

Do you have any books lined up on your To-Read list?

I think i might be running out of room here, but i will tell you that i achieved 2 small things off my list today which were anxiety bugs for me 👍(i didn't unearth the TEMP though 👎)

Character counter doesn't work, so, better go for now.

Love ❤

🌻b  xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Thank you, my beautiful friend. Your love & comfort is gratefully accepted.

Sigh, what’s that famous quote?

We fight to hold on & we fight to let go.

I think when we have lost someone, it goes back & forth between holding on & letting go sometimes...

I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your closest friend. They clearly meant the world to you, & it must have been excruciating & heartbreaking. A devastating loss...

It was an absolutely gorgeous gesture that you honoured your friend through small acts. Small acts to honour them & help you process your feelings. A staggered farewell...gorgeous...

Congratulations on ticking 2 anxiety inducing items off your list. Well done! I’m very proud of you 🙂

Can I ask what were they?

The country couple just felt like an odd match for Rosa in the book. Even before she set foot in their home, I had this feeling of foreboding.

She hasn’t seen them in a while, didn’t really kept in touch, & they seemed as though they were on different life paths...what did they even have in common anymore, aside from shared history?

I just had an inkling that they wouldn’t understand Rosa...& they didn’t...

Maybe the sinister feeling was I was wondering if they were pretending to be happier than they actually were?

I wish we could ask the author (laughs)... only she would know...

I remember the NYE scene in Rabbits for Food. That was both comical & sad. Her friends were pretentious with the balsamic vinegar. But then again, that convo isn’t that different to real life ones I’ve heard (laughs).

What I love about Bunny is how she sees through people. She sees through people’s egos & platitudes. It doesn’t make her the most pleasant person to be around, but she sees things.

Thank you, I’m just trying to be pragmatic with the whole gradual introduction of a creative career. I want it to be economically viable in the long-run, so I have to be smart. I want to be financially stable & comfortable in years to come.

I don’t actually have a reading list, unless the unread & semi read books on my shelves count (laughs). I usually try to obtain a book as soon as my interest is piqued, so I don’t really have a list 😉

Let me know how you go about tackling your to-do list if you like 🙂

How have you been feeling the past week or so, my friend?

Thank you enormously for your constant support, love & friendship. I am grateful.

I think of you often & send my love & blessings, my friend xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello my gorgeous friend!

I just wanted to write a quick note to you to tell you i am thinking of you and i will reply to your latest post soon.

How are you doing with everything, sweets? I hope you are ok and being good to yourself.

I am ok, but i have just had a stressful couple of weeks, it seems like one thing after the other went haywire, not domino effect but some similar thing if the dominos weren't next to each other or something. Maybe if someone just upturned the table that the separate dominos were on, but in slow motion.

Wanted to quickly check in and remind you that you are loved.

❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

You’re wonderful, really you are...thank you for making time to see how I’m doing, despite clearly going through some things yourself.

Gentle hugs...I’m grateful for your friendship & think of you often...

You sound as though you have a lot going on, my friend...I think one issue is stressful enough, but to have multiple issues arising at the same time is a lot.

I feel it would be overwhelming & perhaps draining...I wonder if you’re feeling a bit tired, lovely friend...

I’m struggling with the whole social distancing advice to help “flatten the curve” of COVID-19. I completely get why & I agree with the advice, but it’s doing my head in.

Most of us need social contact & to get out & about. But perhaps it’s a little bit more pronounced for extroverts.

I feel like I’m starting to lose it...there’s a meme that says “check in on your extroverts- we’re not okay.” Laughs...I could relate...

I shouldn’t be going anywhere except work & necessary reasons. I feel like I’m about to lose it...I can’t remember being this excited to go to work, & I don’t even particularly like my job. But we are starting to transition to partial work-from-home days...so watch me unravel...

One of my most effective forms of self care (& what has helped me managed grief & other life difficulties) is regular quality time with loved ones, but now I can’t do that...social distancing & all...

But I have to follow it. This isn’t about me. I feel we all have to do our part to help slow the spread, protect the most high risk groups & not overwhelm the already stretched hospitals, doctors & nurses.

Thanks again for being such a good friend. Sorry about my complaining. Me and social distancing is a stressful combination. Really bad...

How have things been this week for you, lovely friend?

Have you been able to get out into the garden or practice self care?

Sending safety, love & protection to you and your gorgeous family xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Peppy and sweet birds...🤗..

I feel a little awkward coming to visit you..I read mostly here but feel bad I haven’t been here to support or talk to you for a while...

Peppy....our sweet Birdy said you are loved..that is so true you are loved sweetheart..also dear sweet birdy...I want to let you know that you are also loved...I hope you both know that..💜🤗..

Peppy... I’m sorry your struggling with the COVID-19 virus and not moving around a lot...Maybe take this time to self care yourself...do something that you’ve not had the time to do that you put on the back burner while your working..

Is it possible to talk to your family and loved ones by that phone thingy that you can see each other when talking..Sorry I don’t know the technical word for it😂..

Im okay with staying at home..I’m used to it..but for someone that’s used to outs every so often it will be hard for them...I wish I could help you with some suggestions..

Birdy...I hello sweety...I hope things get easier for you soon...It’s aweful how things seem to go haywire at times...I hope your garden is thriving, I have only i tomato plant left after the drought..and a pumpkin plant..that’s taking over my backyard😁.. no pumpkins on it yet....Im looking forward to pumpkin soup when they decide to grow....I’m a learner at gardening..

I bought you both a picnic hamper..Olives, crackers, garden salad..and a bottle of wine...I know not the same but maybe you can both pick a time....then think about sitting together under a cherry blossom tree on a picnic blanket and enjoying each other’s beautiful caring company...

My love to you both...💜..Please stay safe..🤗.

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

I should have checked before I posted..I’m sorry auto correct wins a lot of the time..

Suppose to read..Hello lovely Pepper and Sweet Birdy..

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (& a wave to all),

Thank you so much for the visit. It’s lovely to see you here. The crackers & olives will go perfectly with the wine 🙂

Laughs, I don’t have COVID-19 (not that I know of at least ), but social distancing is something that all of us have been advised to practice to try to slow its spread & protect higher risk groups 😉

I’m about to start climbing walls soon. I’m not good at this social distancing business (clearly). What I want is for this to be over, so I can go out & see my friends & family in person...

Oh yes, I’m assuming you mean Skype or face time? Yes, they’re both options, but what I value most is spending time together on an activity...can’t do that though...

I’m keeping in touch regularly with them, but it still doesn’t quite do it for me...

I’m not really a homebody. I don’t mind being home if I get to go out most days, but I feel trapped. I feel claustrophobic if I’m home too much...

An ex & I used to never see eye-to-eye on this. He complained that I was “always out” & I complained that he “never left the couch” (laughs).

I think it’s a really good skill that you’re mostly content at home 🙂 It’s not something this I am good at...

Thank you for the love & care. You’re appreciated, lovely one...

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Birdy77]

Hello beautiful friend!
Hello gorgeous Grandy!

Hey Grandy, i liked it when you called me birds! It's like when Deebi calls you Grandz. Or when you & Aunty Deebsta call me Tweets! You can call me birds any old time you like 😃

Also, absolutely no reason whatsoever to feel awkward in any way - it's lovely to chat to you, & your picnic basket of goodies is perfect 👌 yummo. What a lovely idea to think of sitting (virtually) under a tree & enjoying a picnic together! I'm definitely up for that!

Well i hope you get some pumpkins Grandy, but i feel it's getting a bit late in the season for it to produce much - they usually form in the summer ready to harvest in autumn. Sometimes they don't form i think when there's not enough pollinators like bees around. You can help them out by hand pollinating: just choose a male flower & put it into a female flower so that the pollen rubs off inside. You can google how to do it, it's easy.

Now, i am "checking in on our extrovert", so my friend: how are you doing today?

Is that you i can see halfway up the wall there with your climbing gear on?

I can understand how stir crazy you might be feeling.

It's just one of those things at the moment isn't it, we're all a bit stuck. Are you feeling inspired to channel some of that frustration into some creative projects & simultaneously distract yourself?

I picked up a Print Workshop book 2nd hand online, it arrived uesterday, so i am going to look at some projects in that to get some inspo, & start to use the time like Kitty O'Meara suggests.

I've just planted anoother bed of garlics, a few if the first ones i put in are just startung to poke through, i always find that exciting, even though they stay in the ground for 7 or more months! Small joys!

Ooh, here's another exciting thing. Are you ready for this? I discovered a new vegan yoghurt: Cashew Blueberry Acai by alpro. It is cashew based rather than coconut or soy based. Have you tried it? It's worth a go my friend. I put it in a smoothie this morning: delish.

I'll be checking in on you again later, my extrovert!

❤
🌻b xo

[Ggrand]

Hello Gentle Peppy and sweet Birds...🤗..

I ams so appreciated of you both for you kind words and acceptance of me....Hey Birdy...I would love to call you Birds..it’s cute...like you...I think pet names make us feel just that little bit more accepted, loved, cared for...

Thank you for letting me know about the pumpkin patch...It just kinda popped up after all the rain..so at least now..um I can stop checking it daily for pumkins to be born.😂😂..Ooh..I planted the ends of the shallots I used in a fried rice..and they are growing...yippie...green thumb here I come.😂..

Peppy..I’m sorry..if I wrote wrong..I knew you didn’t have the virus and am so happy that you don’t.. everyone reading as well...

Climbing up the wall gave me a smile ....I imagined you like Spider-Man gripping the wall half way up...and not knowing which way to go....I’m not sure if you like DVDs ..Does a movie marathon sound good..sitting or laying down..with a big bowl of popcorn and your choice of beverage, under a comfy doona and watching some movies that you like..or some YouTube vids..,I like watching cats, dogs, birds, animals just being themselves..they can be funny and help you have a giggle or two..😂..

Today is a perfect Autumn day...Sun shining brightly, gentle cool breeze and noisey cockatoos in the gum tree...I hope where ever you both are your day is a beautiful day..

Sending my love, care and hugs to you both..and anyone reading..💜🌈🤗..

Grandy...🕊🌱..