I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...
I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.
Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).
All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.
I just wrote a bit of a long reply and tapped the back-button accidentally, and it was allllllll gaaaawwwn.
I don't know if i have the energy to retype it all, but i want to reassure you that this crisis I'm experiencing is nothing to do with mrs b, and that she and the boys have been my rocks that I've clung to in this storm.
It's to do with my family of origin, which is very broken - but there has been some repairs in the midst of this horrible situation - not sure if they're permanent repairs, but they're certainly ease the hurt at the moment.
I agree with you about the restrictions , i actually think it would be better if they didn't lift quite so much quite so early ... the pics of criwds going nuts at the shops on the weekend kinda proved that point in my opinion. . But we have no control over what they decide or what others do, just how we behave (unfortunately).
Not sure what Bear or Owl mean, i read them when i did the quizzes, but have forgotten! Brain not functioning on all cylinders lately.
Love you, going to post befire i lose it again. Talk soon 💕
Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),
It’s okay, my friend, gentle & easy does it...though I know it must have been frustrating to accidentally press backspace. It’s very annoying, but it happens...
mrs b & the boys’ love & support sound like they have been everything to you. I know they support you daily & offer comfort, love & affection. A safe haven of family just for you 🙂
I know your relationship with your family of origin is very broken. I know there’s hurt & grief there. Pain...
There must be so many turbulent emotions around that...difficult, difficult emotions...I’m happy there have been some repairs though, even if they may or may not last.
At least in the here and now, it’s something, right? Maybe not everything but something...
Sigh, it will be interesting how things play out as restrictions lift. There are other countries who managed to flatten the curve then had enormous second waves when they lifted restrictions...time will tell what will happen in Australia, I suppose.
I am holding my hand out to you and thinking of you. I don’t know what has happened, but I know you’re clearly struggling very much, my friend...I know there is sadness and hurt...
With much love and comfort,
Hello Peppy, Birdy, Deebi...and all..🤗..
Birdy..my spirit animal I felt drawn to an Eagle 🦅..I feel close to them and have for years admired their beautiful life of freedom and strength...They are such a beautiful bird are free, safe with their nest high on top of the mountains....Where they sit and watch the loveliness and serenity of the natural world...
Our..well your boys...and my girls..do give a lot of comfort and support to us..They seem to get more clingy and their eyes soften up when I’m having struggles...
Peppy...I noticed the school in my town was open to the students today...Um their are only around 14 children in the school here..from kindergarten to year 6..and only 3 teachers..very small school...
I think it can be up to our own selves if we want to go back into the crowded shops or keep ourselves isolated as best we can...until we feel safe..
Peppy..I know sweetheart that your struggling a lot with isolation..and even when restrictions are lifted..please be very careful...
I made you both and Mrs B...some orange and poppy seed muffins, with fresh passionfruit icing and also to drink a refreshing..mint, celery, carrot and beetroot sparkling water drink...for your afternoon tea tomorrow..
I hope you all have a deep restful, refreshing, invigorating sleep tonight..and tomorrow is much better then today was for you...
Sending some caring hugs, love and hugs..beautiful ladies.. 🤗💜🦋🌹..
Hi gorgeous Grandy (& a wave to all),
Lovely one, I think fur babies instinctively sense their human friends’ feelings. They know if you’re having a good or bad day. They know...
I’m glad your precious fur babies have been showering you with love and affection. They must know when you’re struggling a lot...want to be close by...
I think it will be interesting when schools reopen. As with everything, I suppose there are pros and cons...it might be a little different at the very small school you mentioned though...
Laughs, even if I wanted to, I shouldn’t (& won’t be) be running amok as restrictions lift...I feel it’s not just about me or what I want or need, because my actions will have consequences, not just for me but for the people around me...
So the question is what kind of consequence or outcome do I want?
I have to think about other people too. I feel it’s not just about me, as much as I want it to be...
Besides, due to the nature of my work, I really shouldn’t be running amok any time soon. We have had cases & some of my colleagues are in isolation due to exposure. It’s not a surprise though...shrugs, comes with the nature of our work.
As for me, I could very well bring it m home one day without realising it, so I really can’t go out & see a whole bunch of people any time soon...even if I wanted to, I shouldn’t.
Sigh, yet some people I know are planning worrying big get togethers already...I can’t be bothered arguing with them anymore...I am over it.
Thank you for thinking of me, lovely one. The orange and poppyseed muffins sound divine. I look forward to my scrumptious afternoon tea 🙂
Hugs and love xoxo
I have been thinking of you & hoping that you are doing ok. Hanging in there as you miss your friends & family & your social buzz?
I read somewhere that you lost a client & i am so sorry to hear that. It must have been very confronting & very sad.
You have had to go through a lot with your work, caring for vulnerable clients, & adapting to WFH, amongst the other challenges.
I hope that the other personal things that have been going on are maybe? slowly? slightly resolving themselves? or maybe not .... if you want to talk about anything .... i know it is hard to ... but i hope you know i am totally here, & always listening very attentively.
Hey Grandy! Thank you so much for your always lovely, caring words! You're amazing! Your unbelievably refreshing combo of mint, celery, carrot & beetroot sparkling water drink was so creative & inspiring! I feel like making one right this second. Thanks for being such a caring & beautiful, nurturing presence on these forums, you have a very pure heart ❤
Oh boy, i am feeling very weary. So many emotional up s and downs lately. I will come & probs talk on my thread i think, i find it hard, as you know. But i feel like blurting out a lot of feelings I've been holding.
Have you been doing anything awesome lately? I read that you've been using some iso time to get some creative juices flowing. That's great! Have you done any more on your canvases that you were preparing? I think you had painted backgrounds & then had started drawing on top? Any head way on the commissions?
I've continued getting some jobs done here with my mate, but he's also started back with some building work, so there are a few jobs half finished, they'll get done eventually. One great one is we were able to convert an old water-well, from before there was town water, into a working rainwater tank! I hope i haven't told you this before? I whooped for joy when water came gushing out the hose onto the veggie patch! The pressure is stronger than the normal tap & i was there yelling to him "can ya turn it off now please, it's like a fire hose!" Got to get a trigger nozzle then all will be under control!!
Just wanted to check in with you and send love, talk more soon ❤
Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),
My friend, I’m gently holding my hand out to you. I know you’ve been struggling & hurting. You sound very drained & tired, lovely friend...
I can imagine the deep swirl of emotions in your head...& heart...I read about your Mum & I’m so very sorry about what is happening.
That must be really hard on you...I can’t remember if you’re much of a hugger or not, but here’s one from me if you are...
It sounds like you’re wanting to let some thoughts or feelings out...to talk about some of those feelings, even if you don’t find it easy writing about them. As you know, I’m always here for you & your thread is always here too...
I know you may prefer to write on your own thread, & that’s of course okay, but do you want to talk about what has been going on?
If you don’t want to do that or if it’s too hard, that’s okay, I’m simply giving you the option 😉
Gentle & easy does it....
Alternatively, would you like to tell me about some of your home/gardening projects or what you have been up to lately instead?
Your rainwater tank sounds like it was an absolute success story, even if it needs a bit of tweaking with a trigger nozzle. Well done! It must have been so exciting the first time using it on your garden 🙂
Thank you so much for the love & support, & for thinking of me, lovely friend.
I’m trying to get reacquainted with my old friend, Resilience. I think it’s something that will serve me well, especially lately, if I remember to work on it...
Some situations, I can’t change, but I can work on my capacity to cope...it’s my coping capacity that will make all the difference, I believe.
I think the most awesome things that I’ve been “doing” is clarifying my priorities in life.
I’ve continued to draw & sometimes paint. Those are stabilising forces in my life, & I’m also exploring how to use it to make some extra income as well.
I am thinking of you. I am here for you. You’re welcome to write here any time (if you wish)..
I value hearing about your life, your thought & feelings, your home projects, your garden, your dreams, your boys, etc...I value hearing anything that matters to you, whatever that may be, my friend
What have you been doing lately?
With love xoxox
Hello Peppy and Birdy...
I hope it’s okay to ask you both...RUOK?..
I sent this to Mrs Dools a few weeks back and would like to send it to both of you..It’s a beautiful Apache blessing. I think is so beautiful...and I would like to give this blessing to you as well....and I hope so much it brings you both some peaceful calmness to you.....
May The Sun Bring You New Energy By Day,
May The Moon Softly Restore You By Night,
May The Rain Wash Away Your Worries,
May The Breeze Blow New Strength Into Your Being,
May You Walk Gently Through The World And Know Its Beauty All The Days Of Your Life.
~ Apache Blessing
Always here..with my friendship, love, care, and hugs..💜🦋🤗.
Grandy thank you for that beautiful blessing you sent. It is absolutely lovely and i treasure it.
Beautiful friend, i hope you are ok and taking care if yourself.
Resilience can be exhausting, so please make sure to recharge your batteries with some self nurturing.
I had to make an urgent trip to Melbourne, we nearly lost Mum. Mum is making a remarkable recovery, but it has been a very very intense few weeks.
Hope to talk to you soon, and really hope that you are ok.
Love, b xoxo
Hi lovely people,
Gorgeous Grandy: Thank you so much for the beautiful blessing. I know it came with love and care.
Thank you for thinking of me and sharing a little of your heart with me. That’s truly special, lovely one.
I have a lot going on. Both personal and covid-19 related. Though the personal stuff is actually worse at the moment, and the whole pandemic thing is just the icing on the cake
Thank you so much for the love and care, lovely one xoxo
Darling friend/beautiful b: what a stressful, scary and worrying time it must have been for you and your family.
You must have been so frightened and overwhelmed. So many emotions...
I’m so relieved your mum survived. I hope and wish with all my heart that she continues on the recovery trajectory...this is a very scary time...
I am sending love, hugs and warmth to you and your mum.
Thinking of you, my friend. You’re in my heart. Come here to talk any time if you want (absolutely no pressure of course) xoxox
Hi dear Peppystar ☘ Tweety 🐥 Grandy 👩❤️👩 and everyone 👋
Hi dear Peppy it sounds like your lifes pretty full on atm hun.
I think love and care very much about you darl. Wonder how you're doing.
Just popping my head in to send my love and support to you and our dear Tweety 😊 Ahh darlin sounds very hard what you're goin through too. I too am wishing for good recovery for your poor Mum.
Grandy love that was a beautiful piece of writing you left. I copied and saved it ⚘
Peppy I really hope you're finding your way through the dull/dark cloud you're such a gentle beautiful person. Pleasure knowing and loving all of you 😊
Take good care lovely ones. Always 👀🤝🤗🤗🤗