Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

Gentle hugs from me, my friend...I had thought that maybe your lonesome feelings had something to do with missing mrs b. I just didn’t want to push/pry, so left you with the decision to mention her absence or not...

I think it will be very special when you reunite, but for now, I understand the physical distance must be hard. You’re so used to her loving presence and company each night...

Sigh, of course golden boy plays a starring role in every family drama 😕 I can’t say I’m surprised based on what I’ve heard. Considering the circumstances, you would think he would act differently but clearly not...he must add needless frustration and difficulties (and things are rough enough as it is too).

To be understood and accepted would be lovely 🙂 A place where my too muchness won’t be too much...if only, right?

A sincere and heartfelt thank you for your genuine acceptance of me. It means more than you know, dear friend...thank you so much for being someone who has never made me feel as though I’m too much.

I have been reading eggshell snippets here and there and it has helped me feel less alone...I have been wondering if there was a particular reason you were reading about emotional intensity (or call it what you like). I have been wondering do you identify with some of the associated traits? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to of course. I’m just thinking out loud...

I agree that inner peace doesn’t necessarily have to be the more traditional interpretation of a calm and quiet life. I think it can mean different things to different people 🙂

Time-out might be best for your boys if you want to make progress with your ceroc 😉 I look forward to hearing all about your wonderful new dance moves. Feel free to chat any time. As I said, free rein, my friend...talk about whatever you like...

Keep being the beautiful person you are...keep shining 🙂

With my love to you, your beautiful mrs b and your gorgeous boys xoxox

[quirkywords]

Pepper,

I am popping in to say hello and reading some of the posts. You have a real talent with writing and in creating a mood by your use of words. Also you are always compassionate wen responding to other posters and even if I didn't see your name, you have a distinctive style I would always recognise.

How are you?

Quirky

[Birdy77]

Hello my friend ❤

To find that space with others where your too-muchness is just right - it is out there, and you will find it. In the meantime, I'm so happy to think that at least you accept your own awesomeness and at the very least, my precious friend: you have here. You will never be too much - you are just right as you are ❤

I can't remember how I came across the eggshell site, I'm always finding stuff here and there and usually have about 37 tabs open at once. Sometimes if mrs b goes to use my phone for something, she says are you sure you need all these pages open? And I'm like yes! I'm using all of those, I need every one of them open!

Yes I do relate to some of the attributes she writes about. The high sensitivity/misfit traits for sure, and some others. When I was reading a lot of the stuff about emotional intensity and some other bits under misfitism I thought of you and wondered if it might speak to your experiences and feelings somewhat. I'm glad you're exploring her writings here and there and that it might be helping you even just to feel a little bit less alone.

Oh I wanted to say that when I read your thoughts about feeling misunderstood and coming away from people "with both hands empty", I imagined those heartfelt words and that searching, searching feeling as a dance. It would make a powerful piece.

mrs b and i were planning to go to a music event tomorrow night at a favourite little venue of ours ... I am wondering whether I should go on my own or just leave it. We did invite our neighbour a while ago to come with is if she wanted to, but we hadn't organised it yet so I could ask her if she wanted to come with me. I will probably end up putting on pyjarmies at 6pm and snuggling in front of a movie with the boys. Do you have any plans?


❤❤❤❤❤

🌻birdy xoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Quirky (and a wave to all),

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and support 🙂 What a special & unexpected treat.

I think we all have our own voice in writing, including you. I feel you have your own style, direct & marked by a crisp cadence. It’s your signature 🙂

I recall reading somewhere that you want to enrol in a writing course. I hope you don’t mind me asking here how is that going?

I’m currently a little hungover & waging the usual war with myself, because I’m never at peace with myself. I saw my psych this week who wants to address certain issues. I do not.

Thanks again for being the wonderfully caring person you are. Quirky and interesting (& interested in others), just as your name suggests 🙂 xoxo

dear friend/beautiful birdy: You’re lovely, kind, supportive & reassuring. I’m truly grateful. Anyone who gets to call you Friend is very lucky.

I know that I repeat this, but I feel it’s important to tell friends how much we appreciate them. Also, it reminds me not to take anyone for granted.

When I read the eggshell points, I felt as though I was ticking off all the key points (& most of the sub-points too). This attribute (check). That attribute (check). Check, check, check. Thanks so much for thinking of me when you were reading 🙂

I think it’s great that you’re interested in a diverse range of topics. Your sensitivity is beautiful by the way. It’s such a gorgeous quality of yours & I‘m thankful that we get to see some of that here...as for the misfit traits, I’m not sure which specific ones you mean, but I think you’re great.

In so many ways, I truly believe you are what this world needs. We need more birdies in this world 🙂

Both hands empty is a common theme in my life. I think of it as a piercing scream. In dance form? Many, many interpretations. Sometimes showing is an alternative to telling 😉

That music event sounds lovely. It’s a shame that mrs b can’t go. While I understand home might be tempting, maybe it might be nice to get out of the house tonight & let loose for a bit?

That being said, of course it’s your decision, & as your friend, I’ll support you either way. So either a doona & movie night with your boys or live music with your neighbour is good. Whatever you prefer.

I’d love to hear how tonight night goes, whatever you end up doing, if you’re happy to share 🙂

I went out last night with friends & had too many cocktails so will be taking it easy tonight. Feeling dehydrated now. Love you xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Gentle Peppy🍀, Sweet Birdy🌻 and all.

I have been listening along to your conversation and find it so beautiful watching your lovely friendship bloom...It really is heart warming...

Peppy, I’m pleased you enjoyed yourself last night with your friends....Hearing you been dehydrated is not really good and is a good recipe for a headache 🤕...Please sip on water throughout today and night...I have a hamper here for you I made up especially to rehydrate you....Theirs some electrolyte drink..some pure sparkling spring water..some strawberries and of course the chocolate dipping sauce...umm they are your chocolates my choccy magnet found in your pocket..it’s okay though because I made it into a choccy sauce and I’m giving them back to you😁...

Hello Birdy...I hope what ever you choose to do tonight is enjoyable...I’m sorry sweety your missing Mrs B...I’m certain that she is also missing you so much as well....won’t be long and she will be back home...Then a lovely homecoming celebration will be on the cards for you both...I also made a hamper for you sweety Birdy..it has some strawberries with Peppy’s choccy...some warm pumpkin soup..(Deebi’s recipe)..with croutons, some spring water and some soy chips....

I hope so much that you both are being kind to yourselves...and have some light in your days...I enjoy ear dropping on your conversation...if that’s okay...

I wish I could help support you both, for some reason my mind gets all tangled up when I listen to you both..I’m not sure why because both of your posts are always so heart warming, caring and beautiful...like the both of you🤗💜..

I hope regardless of what you do over the week end gives you some enjoyment and a break away from negativity...

Sending you both warm caring hugs..my love and warm wishes...💜💜🤗🤗🍀🌻..

Grandy...

[Birdy77]

Hello my friend,

Are you feeling better? I'm hoping you took Grandy's advice and kept sipping on water .... im6also hoping that you've stocked up on the good old berocca as well, it's so good for times like yesterday.

It was so good to hear you had gone out with friends and let loose a bit. Cocktails are very easy to go overboard with, and I was reading (on one of my 37 open tabs) the other day that the sugar in them adds to the hangover effect, which is rather sneaky of it. Seeming all sweetness and light and coming up with a bit of nastiness afterwards.

Did you go dancing?

I had too much red wine last night, so I empathise completely 🙄

My neighbour couldn't come with to the Thing last night, and it was cold and I just wasn't in the mood, so I stayed home and cooked a yummy dinner and rearranged the furniture, it looks so cosy ... I like doing it from time to time, changing things up. Tried having a dance off but it went to mayhem.

Grandy, you're so lovely - you do support us!! Do not worry if you don't write often to me, I absolutely know you care - and I don't write often on yours or your BBC's either, but I hope you both know I care very much for you and send love. I always read both of your threads, and actually am going to pop over to yours in a mo to encourage you about something. (Ooooh, the mystery!!!).

My brain's a bit mooshy tonight .... talk again soon my friend, love you.

xoxo

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Grandy (and a wave to all),

Thank you for the very thoughtful & generous hamper. So many treats! The sourness of the strawberries complements the sweet chocolate perfectly. Okay, okay...seeing as you are giving me a hamper, I’ll let you off with the whole choccy magnet situation this time. Just don’t make a habit of it 😉

Of course you’re most welcome here any time. Writing, reading along, etc; just whatever you feel most comfortable doing is great.

Lovely one, I know you care very much. Your presence on these forums is support enough to me. Please don’t get upset or worry too much about posting. It’s okay. You most certainly do support me 🙂

Thank you for the precious caring hugs and I’m offering some to you too xoxo

Darling friend/beautiful birdy:

Thank you so much for checking in. I’m feeling much better. Water definitely helped and I really appreciate the tip 🙂

Perhaps it was for the best that your neighbour had something else on. It sounds like a night in was probably what you needed at the time.

I know it can be particularly cosy on a cold night to be home. Your meal sounds delicious! I know you enjoy cooking and experimenting with different recipes. What did you end up making?

I understand about the wine. I hope you’ve been extra gentle with your lovely self, dear friend. How are you feeling today & what are you up to?

Thanks for sharing the info about cocktails. Your 37 tabs definitely comes in handy 😉

I RSVP’d to an art thing this weekend. I’m excited but also slightly nervous as I won’t know anyone there. In the past, I’ve always known people or convinced friends or (now) exes to come.

I did consider asking a friend, but I know that I would end up talking to them, & not really mingle with the unfamiliar faces. So I took a deep breath and selected “no” in the plus-1 option. Not knowing anyone there would force me to mingle.

I know the reality is that the people currently in my offline world can’t meet my needs. It’s not their fault and it’s not mine either.

People can’t give what they don’t have...

But maybe if I start looking further afield, there’s a tiny chance that I might find the genuine understanding that I crave? Maybe?

Thank you for being you. I’m truly grateful for your friendship and for you, as a person. I always look to you as an example of deep caring, understanding and compassion.

As always, if you ever want to talk about anything any time: free rein 😉 Good and bad, I’m here for you. Much love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear precious friend 😊

I am so happy to hear of your braveness: clicking the zero plus-one for this weekend's upcoming Thing!! That's awesome, and even if you don't end up chatting to anyone in particular, it's excellent that you've selected the courageous option outside the good old comfort zone. Proud of ya ❤

The recurring theme of Both Hands Empty is a powerful one, and you listening to that theme and responding is warrior material. xo

Speaking of being Super Brave and Going Out To Events All By Oneself: I had a great time rearranging the furniture at home with the boys on Saturday night!! I made a delicious satay and whipped up some yummy roti to go with it, but I made the roti with a mixture of plain flour, besan (chickpea flour) and hemp flour, just to make them brilliant.

Did you have a good Monday?

Oh, before I forget, sorry to Aunty Deebs and Grandy, autocorrect changed "bbffs" to BBC's in my last post. Love to you both.

Just a quick little message tonight.

Love you my friend.

🌻birdy xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all)

Thank you so very much for your encouragement. That means a lot, dear friend. This will be an interesting experience (or awkward and uncomfortable). We will see 😉

I figured if I continued as I am now, where would that lead me? I think we both know the answer to that one...

I went to work on Monday, which went reasonably quickly. Then I spent some time thinking/reflecting in the evening about certain things. I also planned my outfit for the upcoming art thing. My mood plummeted later in the evening though. Been feeling a little down, but I suppose a lot of people are; I feel that’s just life sometimes.

What a delicious meal you made! I love roti, especially when it is served fresh. I’ve never made it but I’ve ordered it at Malaysian restaurants in the past. But I don’t think their recipe is fully plant based (please don’t quote me as I might be wrong), so it’s great that you have a vegan version. I take it was your famous satay that you made. Scrumptious!

I’m very happy to hear that you enjoyed your Saturday night. Your boys are always such great company and I bet your house is looking fabulous 🙂

Thank you so much again for being here for me. I always love your visits, enjoy talking to you and wholeheartedly appreciate you.

How is your week going, dear friend?

Much love to you too xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello my friend ❤

I would love to hear what outfit you have planned for this weekend's Thing! I enjoy getting ready for events and such, planning outfits, hair, face etc. It's fun.

Hey, if you have an awkward time, not to worry, you can tell me about it and we can have a laugh. If you end up finding some people to chat to, all the better, but it's not necessary.

It's a stepping stone to new, different horizons.

I felt sad hearing of your mood plummeting, but I wasn 't surprised. I see you as a very reflective, introspective, thinking soul, and I think it's inevitable that often this will lead to sadness, pain, hurt, especially when you get into the reflective zone. It's a beautifully painful quality. If only more people were like you.

When I was making my satay I thought "you should write this down so Pepper can make it: I promise I will one day soon 😊

I found something in a book today that I wanted to share with you I should have marked it, but I didn't so I have to go through the book again to find it.

I shall return.

❤❤❤

🌻birdy xo