Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Nath,

Always grateful to see you here. You have this humble intelligence and warmth about you that I like. Thank you for the caring words.

Yeah, as much as I would prefer to see my old psychologist as she knows me pretty well (i.e. knows how to handle me when I start acting like a 2 year old. Lol), maybe the new psych will be good. Or maybe he/she won't be the right fit. Time will tell and I can always ask to change psychs...

Thank you so much. I hope you're doing alright (or as alright as you can ...)

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Dearest Sez,

Sorry, I am actually kind of ridiculous...I let my fear of abandonment get the better of me. I apologise profusely.

I came up with about 10 different interpretations of your post but of course, I chose to fixate on the one where my fear of abandonment reared its ugly head.

There was a part of me that had an inkling that you were telling me that you were letting me in and giving me space in your heart. But of course, I ignored that and let fear rule my thinking instead. I'm sorry...

Thank you so much for trusting me and letting me in. It means the world to me. I only hope that I haven't scared you off with my hysterics (sighs).

I love your vulnerable side. I also like your strong side. I like your whole spectrum. That's unconditional love to me. Loving all the parts- whole and broken, strong and scared- of a person.

I like and love you for you.

I don't expect you to always be strong. I don't expect you to always be vulnerable. As I like to go on about...the full spectrum...

I don't see vulnerability as weakness at all. As I have said before, vulnerability has its own strength. Being vulnerable is scary; it's casting light on our imperfections. I have many imperfections, speaking of which.

A Loving thank you. Sorry for my hysterics and I really hope that I haven't scared you off...you will always have a place in my heart. I trust you too.

Love you; Milky Way, arts and all.

Pepper xoxoxoxo

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

haha, you all ways have this way of making me blush, thank you. Your more than welcome for the kind words I think you deserve them.

i think sometimes change can be exactly what we need to move forward in or lives if things stay the same we never get anywhere becuase we are never made to do new things or experience differnt stuff. I really do hope your new phycologist helps you.

im doing alright thank you I'm just trying to get over this viral thing I've got.

thinking of you

Nath

[startingnew]

Hello Dear Peps


sometimes all we need is someone to validate what we feel and if ive done that then im glad because you need that. I know its hard for you to ask and accept help so this is a big step for you.
Sending lots of encouring and suporting hugs xoxo


ahh the reddish brown ones are the monarch butterflies. Monarch being it has high authority. Im glad your seeing these ones too. Yes of course my little butterfly messengers are there and of course they are protecting you.


Do you know speaking of rain just as I was having the coughing fit and heading to the drs it started to rain and then a rainbow came out. I had to smile. It had been showering all day but the first raindow id seen so thank you.

[Pysis]

Oh I forgot to ask did you look up any of the songs I mentioned?

[Cesca1557]

hi pepper,

ive seen you a bit of naths and sn's threads so i thought i would come over and say hello
i havent read all of this thread yet, as i have a lot of uni work to do so cant spend too long on the forums but i will get through it all eventually 🙂
i am glad that you are going back to see a psychologist, i hope it helps! i understand your frustrations with not being able to see the psycholgoist you like due to money reasons, far our they can be expensive sometimes! the reason i havent been able to go to see one for a while was due to money reasons as well but ive finally decided that i will just have to find the money as its something that needs to be done
hope you've had a nice day

cesca

[Peppermintbach]

Dearest Sez,

I will get to everyone else's lovely posts soon...

I feel as though I haven't properly expressed my gratitude for your precious gift. I don't know how to express my gratitude for how you're trusting me with a softer side of yourself (especially when you don't show it to most people). You're letting me in more...thank you. I look forward to getting to this other side of you better. I want to get to know her.

I only hope that I haven't hurt you with my hysterics. You offered a piece of your heart to me and I feel as though I trampled all over it by letting my fears get the better of me. Please forgive me and I hope it doesn't change your mind about letting me in. I really want to get to know this softer side...if you will still let me...I don't always promise to get it right but I do promise to try. I love you dearly...

I'm going to try to get my hands on a copy of Khalil Gibran's The Prophet over the next couple of weeks. I understand you're letting me peer inside your soul a little. I want to cherish this gift and understand you a bit better. I hope you don't mind...

Love you dearly,

Pepper xoxoxoxoxo

[Moonstruck]

Peppermint...you will like Kahil and The Prophet I think. so much wisdom in there.

another ghastly morning...but I knew why this time. Disturbing dreams but made no sense. People in them I had never seen before, situations totally foreign to me. could not place any relevance whatsoever to my life or thoughts or fears.........woke feeling so scared. A horrible way to wake up .

I hope I see a butterfly today...I will think of you....luv Moon S

[Just Sara]

Dear Pepper;

I had to step back and give myself space to think about our last few posts. I don't like to see you like this because I can't rush over and give you a hug of reassurance. All I can do is respond the best way I know how.

What I see from you is panic; fear of abandonment, fear of hurting me, blaming yourself just in case you have, and assuming I must be off my tree for wanting to be around you because...well...I dunno.

I don't see the parts of you that keep you apologising...honestly! What I do see, is a wounded little girl who's allowed me in; a mature loving familial figure, and is now fearing the worst, because it's just how life is right? It just keeps happening...

Feeling accountable for us both isn't nice for you is it? But it continues to challenge your decisions and focus. Not knowing what I'm thinking positively makes you crazy doesn't it?

There was a time not long ago, when someone left this site and I thought I might've caused this to happen; as if I was the only reason this could've occurred. But instead of dwelling on those 'what if's', I chose to just grieve, and I did very deeply.

Did I have any clue this was going to happen? Hell no! Could I have done anything about it? No! I was absolutely helpless...shit happens and we can't control it yeah. All we can do is get thru it the best way we can. Trying to guess doesn't make things better, it creates issues that just don't exist.

I've become very close to you, and it does scare me sometimes. But I figure, knowing you and caring as I do is worth it...you're worth it. The last quote from Khalil Gibran was; 'Your friend is your needs answered'

This means people come into our lives when we need it most because there are lessons to learn re coping with love, loss and accepting we can't control everything, especially other people's right to make decisions we don't like.

Please don't cry; I can feel it from here. I do see you as a helpless little girl sometimes and that's ok because I'm entitled. It doesn't mean you are, it just means I'm a nurturing soul who loves you.

I'll leave things here because space is running out, but be sure there's nothing for me to forgive. You're transitioning, so it's my turn to support you as you've done for me in the past.

You're truly special...

I'm still here with you my sweet...

To infinity and beyond 🙂

Sez xoxoxox

[Just Sara]

Sigh...

💜 🐻 💋

I hope you're ok hun x