Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Feel like someone is going to get me.

Jojo. Partner should be home by now, he isn't. Does he hate me? Have I ruined everything!
 

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are safe nobody is going to get you. It’s the irrational thinking and paranoia. Your bf definitely doesn’t hate you. He is doing his utmost to help and support you. He loves and cares about you very much - trust and believe that.

I still think hospital would be worth investigating as you seem to be left in the lurch yet again when you really need medical help.

Can you talk to someone at Beyond Blue? They might be worth a try to find ways to cope.

If you are still paranoid tomorrow it might be worth taking time out from work as it is really hard to function when you are hypersensitive and suspicious of things that wouldn’t normally bother you.

Stay safe and trust your bf. Try to stay away from anything that triggers you. Thinking of you at this time xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

I'm so sorry.

I stayed home today, again. I couldn't even consider trying to go to work. Not sure I'm still going to have a job.

I don't feel any better. I feel much worse.

I've tried to ring BB a few times and couldn't stay on the line. Think they tried to ring, but it's too scary.

[Saree_p]

Jojo,

I am really scared. My partner doesn't want to admit me - he feels there is no difference.

I can't leave the house Jojo, I am so scared. I feel so stupid but my heart rate is extreme - like a workout. and then I can't focus on anything.

Jojo, is this normal? I wish I knew what to do and who to contact, but I am worried and don't want to upset my bf. I understand that everytime community mh have been involved it is 20 steps backwards. but I can't even go to the gym - Everyone is watching me. I think some want to harm me and others hate me. I feel others are taking photos.

Jojo, I am so sorry, You have been here before and I simply do not know what to do. I know you say hospital, but its' not what my boyfriend wants, and last time I went like this, it completely freaked me out.

what do I do? sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are safe even though it doesn’t feel like it. What you are describing are classic paranoid symptoms. I have found the only way to stop them is medication.

Please go and see a GP at your practice and explain what is happening. I know it’s hard seeing someone new, but it really is for the best. You do need medical intervention of some sort at this time.

I am glad you didn’t go to work as you sound very unwell. The GP can organise a sick certificate for you too so you don’t have to worry about work for a while.

It is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced paranoia what it is like. So your bf might not understand just how serious these symptoms are.

Take good care of yourself

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Thanks Jojo,

The PRN prescribed is a multipurpose one, antipsychotic too. I really don't think I can go see someone, I can't leave the house without panic. Psychiatrist orders are loose, and I really don't want the CATT involved.

sorry Jojo, I trust you. so sorry.

Work, I need to care for financial reasons but don't at the same time. I just can't take anymore of this.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Are you able to get your bf take you to the GP or hospital just to review your medication? It is important for someone to be monitoring you while you are having these symptoms.

Meantime stay home where you are safe and please try and ring BB or crisis care for support - there is often a wait to get through, but it is worth it. They are very good to talk to and you can trust them too.

I wish I could be there in person to help you through this because you will get through it. Unfortunately it may take longer as you don’t seem to have adequate medical support.

Stay safe and strong xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼💐

[Saree_p]

Jojo,

he is scared of making it worse and delaying progress. I can 100% see his view considering what has happened previously. But I simply don't know what else to do, and I don't want to upset him.

His view is we manage and we ride it out at home - it will pass.

I can see the logic, but I am just so scared.

jojo, I wish you could be here too - but I might freak out at you.

the time of year hasn't helped, and GP moving on. I can't even make the phone call to the GP clinic, and then the judgement - they are out to get me! I swear it.

I"m so sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

It would definitely be worth ringing the GP clinic as they have all your records there. I promise they are not out to get you. They are there to help. You can trust them.

They might be able to ring your psychiatrist on your behalf and get some solid advice for you.

Is your bf able to take time off work to be with you at this time? Or can someone else be with you during the day? If not that’s why ringing the helplines is such a good idea. Then you are not all alone with your fears.

Please be brave and give it a try xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼💐

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Please read Lilly’s post on her own thread as she has a very important message for you. I agree with what Lilly says so please listen to us both.

Lilly is back in hospital. Remember how frightened she was previously and now she is able to recommend that you give it a try as the symptoms you are experiencing are not just going to blow over.

With love and best wishes Jojo 🌼🤗💐