Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

The carmel and peppermint slice sound yummy. It is good to keep busy.

Sorry you have had a fight with your bf, but that is quite normal from time to time. It sounds to me that he is only showing concern for you which is a good thing. Try to focus on all the good times you have shared.

It reminds me of an episode from Everyone Loves Raymond where Deborah has pre-menstrual tension and Ray tries to persuade her to take some tablets for it. Deborah doesn’t take this very well and gets all ratty with him. Lol!

Hope you don’t think I am minimising what you are going through, but hopefully in hindsight you might take a less serious and lighter view of things.

I am feeding my friend’s cockatiel and canary while she is in hospital. When I got to her house somehow the canary had got out and was having a fine old time in the lounge room! I chased it all around until finally I cornered it in the laundry. The things pets get up to while you’re out! I blocked up the gap he must have squeezed through so should be all good now.

Hope you are able to sort things out with your bf. With best wishes xox

Lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗😘

[Mr_Bullwinkle]

Hey Saree,

I am not in a position to give advice because I too am in a dark place. You have reminded me that “I’m not the only one “ and you’re not the only one. We will get through this.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Just wanted to pop in and wish you all the best for 2020.

Hope you managed to sort things out with your bf.

I went to a New Year’s Eve tribute concert to Neil Diamond followed by a dance which was very enjoyable.

I still haven’t managed to track my brother down which is quite sad though I can’t dwell on that or it will bring me down.

So cheers & happy new year

Lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🥳

[Saree_p]

Thanks Jojo 😊
All the best to u all for 2020.

Mr Bullwinkle, hello 😊 I apologise, my moments get real dark. But then I enjoy the other side...

Jojo, the side my partner has just had issues with..

We talked and he realised the issues, but we are both aware i have highrebwd emotions when hightened..

He has asked me to jeep tqking meds, doesn't want to call community mmh team.im not that bad I promise. I'm great. He is worried cause I'm apparently nor feeling, heightened sex, and freaked out in supermarket. The walls of isle were closing in on me and then peopke the looked at me weird so of course freaked out.

Hope you find your brother Jojo, but please realise that it's his life and you can only help if he lets you xxx.

[smallwolf]

Saree, in the moments of bleakness there is still a sense of humor in you ...

I apologise, my moments get real dark. But then I enjoy the other side...

I suppose this is a learning (?) experience for both yourself and your partner.

Before the birth of our son I bought a couple of books to help us through the first little bit of his life. Suffice to say the books were useless and thrown out within the first few days of him arriving home. I think that "mental illness" is the same - there is no rule book that says if X then Y, or things will be like this or that. The experience is unique to the individual. And we have to take each day moment by moment, navigating the lows and highs as they come, and which may be different to previous occasions. Sad to hear about your experience n the supermarket; you did not really say how you were feeling but that you freaked out. I guess this is just part of you , and does not make you different. Rather it makes you unique and special, reminding me of that Forest Gump line about chocolates.

[Saree_p]

Thanks Tim, Jojo.

I'm so sorry. I just can't.
I'm a total idiot. I've just stuffed up work, I've stuffed up with partner parents.

I couldn't even get the right bathmat set twice!!

I got so overwhelmed, upset/paranoid I simply left work. I just can't keep anything together anymore.

I don't know what to do. I'm tired of trying to get life right and failing continually.

Stupid me stupid me.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are not an idiot or stupid. You are unwell and battling symptoms such as paranoia which is horrible and it’s no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed.

Any time I have had paranoid thoughts I have been put on an antipsychotic which really helps.

For me the paranoia at first seems quite absurd, almost amusing. However, as things escalate I become overwhelmed and very frightened believing people are out to harm me. At this stage I end up in hospital which is the safest place for me.

Do you feel safe? Are you seeing your psychiatrist or psychologist soon?

I am sure work, your bf and your family realise you are not well and will hopefully try and support you. Please let them, especially your bf. He can be trusted and I am sure he is more than willing to help you.

Thinking of you at this time. Don’t lose hope, you can get through this.

Lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

I don't see anyone for ages.

We tried the PRN for hypo state last night. N I eventually crashed and slept. But as I'm coming to it now paranoia is really kicking in.

I can't do this!

I don't know what to do jojo

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Are you able to see your GP urgently and explain what is happening? Or are you able to ring your psychiatrist and get some advice?

Don’t be alone. Stay around people you trust. Don’t go to places that trigger you such as the supermarket which freaked you out.

You need medical support. Would you be brave enough to go to hospital just in the short term to get over this period?

Whatever you decide stay safe and remember this time will pass xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🕯

[Saree_p]

Dear Jojo,

My partner wants me to stay away from services - he is wonderful and we have been trying to deal with it all. He was so worried about going to work - I don't want to fail him. he is scared that services keep messing it up and put us 100 steps backwards.

My GP has gone to another practice atm, so I'd have to see a complete stranger. I tried the gym to reduce heart rate, but it spiked, and got worse.

Jojo, what do I do? everyone keeps looking at me weirdly. I am at home, curtains all drawn because I am afraid others are looking in.

I've been trying to emerse in music. I've cleaned. Nothing is working!!

I need to go to work tomorrow. We need me to go to work.

Why is everything getting worse? I've done paranoid, but not like this!! Well I guess 6 months ago was similar. but why?

Jojo, I know it's not logical, but it doesn't stop the feelings. Are there ways to calm?

What do I do?

Sorry sorry