Reality check - Anxiety, Depression, PTSD

[Mathy]

Hi All, I live with PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. My PTSD is pretty good, but the other 2 monsters not so. Last year I had arrived at a point where I was medication free, happy and functioning well. Then moving house and an incident at work left me back in the hole again. The work incident was a combination of a complete restructure of my hours and change of leadership - too much change, not handled well. I got suspended, and the process wasn’t handled well, so I bailed out of work for 3 weeks. In 6 years I’ve had 11 managers and #12 arrived 6 months ago, along with a change of 2/3 under managers. New manager is ok (but clueless) and the 2 new “under managers” are inclined to be variously, aggressive, rude and sarcastic. I guess that’s the reality of the “fast paced” world of retai - ha!

Slowly, over the last 6 months I’ve struggled to go to work, get out of bed, lost motivation, and lost the enjoyment of playing my sport - which ironically is important for maintaining my mental health. Sport is golf - so, exercise, challenge, discipline and friendships. I’m single, so this is important to me.

2 weeks ago I ran myself through a checklist and realised that I was NOT travelling at all well, so I upped my ADs and made an appt with my Psych - which is in 3 weeks time. Last Friday I had an enormous panic attack, following a Thursday night at work with the least favourite of the under managers. I guess my mind has decided it’s had enough, I ended up in ER (I’m 61, so can’t assume not a heart attack). So, I now have an appt with GP tomorrow and a sick certificate until next Monday - and I feel like rubbish.

So, if someone says to you that your work rate is “not good enough, *insert my name*”, in front of others, it could be interpreted as a joke or not. I’ve worked for this business for over 9 years, I work my butt off, and I found this insulting, joke or not. What do others feel? If once a week/fortnight one consistently had this sort of, or sarcastic interactions what would you think/feel? I guess I’m trying to decide if I’m being overly sensitive and possibly unfair.

Thoughts would be much appreciated, cheers M 🙂

[demonblaster]

Heya just popping in to see how its all goin 😊

Youre appreciated & not forgotten Maths

Great youre thinking bout it all & working stuff out xx

[Mathy]

Hi DB, thanks for dropping by 🙂

Sparrow Update, just because you know you want to know. Nothing’s changed, my little guy is still trying to entice a lady sparrow to his nest, there is one hanging around, but nada in checking out the nest department. Getting a bit sad really ....

I’ve had a c**p few days at work, not just me, some of the young ones too. Might have to join the Union.. I dunno, just feel very disheartened atm, cheers M

[BballJ]

Hi Mathy,

What happened at work that made you feel this way? Union may help but can cause more drama sometimes.

My best,

Jay

[Mathy]

Hi Jay,

I know what you mean about the union, after all, they get paid to negotiate our EBA, so I’m suspicious about how helpful they can be, when the probably earn enormous $$ from my employer.

For me, I have been very clear about a certain job that I won’t do, due to having suffered from abusive customers, to the point that it triggers extreme anxiety and panic for me. This week, I have been guilt tripped into doing that because there was no-one to cover a break. Then, the next day, the person rostered to do this job on the early (6am start) called in sick. I missed a call on my mobile at 6:38am, I presume to come and deal with the work. I have been extremely clear about my reasons for not doing this job. Previous leadership had no problem. Now I am continually being placed in a situation of having to say NO, and being questioned about this. What part of the NO do they not understand? I dislike being manipulated. I dislike the lack of concern about my MH, when I have been very clear, open and honest about my feelings.

One of what I call the “kids” (young ones) had a single sick day. She was hauled upstairs and confronted with 3 members of the leadership team (including the one that has caused me so much angst), and intimidated into disclosing the nature of her illness and made to sign a form stating this was the case. Apparently, this is now a policy. Personally, I’m old fashioned, and one’s medical history is private. This young person felt extremely intimidated and was very upset about what transpired. I know she has issues with panic, also.

Hence my thoughts about joining the Union, as one of the other “kids” called them today about this incident, and is organising a union investigation into this “policy”. And the incidents are mounting up, so I’m contemplating joining in solidarity and adding my issues to the list.

There appears to be zero respect for employees, and that’s not good enough as far as I’m concerned. I feel a need to join together and do something. I have a long gap to my next psych appt., and quite frankly, I feel like hitting someone. NOT that I’m going to do that, but it’s not a good space for me to be in.

Thanks for your thoughts, Jay, cheers M 🙂

[demonblaster]

Ahhh thats not on Mathy understand you feeling so slacked off & angry, can see why youre thinking union i too as bball said know there can be grief too with them.

Another option is get all staff rounded up & confront them but careful with that from experience they back out last minute, actually ive had both at one place people did another for speaking up i got the flick. Whichever way you go something needs to be done. Really hacks me off how so few in power treat people with respect. Poor performance

Keep us tuned in hun.

One job & i moved around a lot was in hospitality at time ive never had such a hard time this man was goin apeshit at me, absolutely ballistic & you wouldnt believe the nightmare of a day so understand how people can be. Had couple of scaries door to door too. If any of these incidents if they had a gun i have no doubt they would have used them

Haha so happy to have sparrow update & yeah lol I DO wanna know 😃its so 😎thx😋

Good luck whichever waybyou go Maths, sick it to em, slacked me cause always gave work 100% aye, not much to ask for respect & courtesy. Youre very deserving.

(( Big soul hugs ))

[Mathy]

Hey DB,

Thanks for calling in.

I’m really struggling with the culture change in my organisation. Wasn’t like this when I started. Now I appear to be employed by a business who’s values/ethics are far removed from mine. I’ve never been very good at tolerating that, cause it’s absolute BS.

Well, as I told you, I went to a music gig on Friday night. I’m out with the smokers having a vape, glass of wine in hand and just generally lost in my own thoughts, when this person says “hello” to me. It was gloomy, I looked and said hello back. Got the response “do you recognise me?” - I said yes, but you’re out of context - it was my psychologist! Gotta love Radelaide, such a small place 🙂

Watched Doc Martin tonight, I love that show, sometimes I feel a lot like him - just wish I could mow my way through obstacles like he does 😂

Had a good day, played some awful golf this morning, went shopping for food. Came home and learnt the EM Pentatonic Scale for guitar, and the melody finger stringing for Rhiannon (Fleetwood Mac), one of my faves.

So, all positive - still fuming/worrying/antsy about these work issues though. I really don’t want to be there. I’m the sort that likes to sort stuff out, so far, I’m coming up with a Nada on a solution

Sparrow Update: Well, there isn’t one, sorry, nothing’s changed 😞

[demonblaster]

Haha yeah Doc Martin great xhow aye

Apart from work being crap its sounding positive for you Maths even tho golf was awful game 🙄 good tho you were out doin it

Lol got excited for a milli sec bout sparrow update then durrh duhh darr (meant to sound like the music when things dud out 😆

Guitar stuff aye neat you're keeping occupied

Don't Blame ya being hacked off bout work. I stil reckon say something but others should be too

Went tt with special needs today great seeing them again, think another group Weds waiting on confirmation

Ok hold in there Maths

Look after yourself ☺

Thanks for calling in.

I’m really struggling with the culture change in my organisation. Wasn’t like this when I started. Now I appear to be employed by a business who’s values/ethics are far removed from mine. I’ve never been very good at tolerating that, cause it’s absolute BS.

Well, as I told you, I went to a music gig on Friday night. I’m out with the smokers having a vape, glass of wine in hand and just generally lost in my own thoughts, when this person says “hello” to me. It was gloomy, I looked and said hello back. Got the response “do you recognise me?” - I said yes, but you’re out of context - it was my psychologist! Gotta love Radelaide, such a small place 🙂

Watched Doc Martin tonight, I love that show, sometimes I feel a lot like him - just wish I could mow my way through obstacles like he does 😂

Had a good day, played some awful golf this morning, went shopping for food. Came home and learnt the EM Pentatonic Scale for guitar, and the melody finger stringing for Rhiannon (Fleetwood Mac), one of my faves.

So, all positive - still fuming/worrying/antsy about these work issues though. I really don’t want to be there. I’m the sort that likes to sort stuff out, so far, I’m coming up with a Nada on a solution

Sparrow Update: Well, there isn’t one, sorry, nothing’s changed 😞

[BballJ]

Hi Mathy,

Wow, it does sound like a very rough workplace indeed. I am not sure where these managers or leadership teams are formed and seem to want to rule with an iron fist, it just doesn't bode well for keeping happy employees. Maybe the union idea is a good one, especially if they are willing to do an investigation into it. You have to do what you think is right. Is there an option for you to find another job however as this one really seems to add much unneeded stress to your life. You shouldn't have to feel this way about work.

My best,

Jay

[demonblaster]

Oops soz Maths looks like i accidentally quoted on bottom of my last reply

Hope works settling a bit tho they dont sound like they're gunna pull in their heads without a nudge

Hope you're doin ok ☺

[Mathy]

Hi Jay and DB,

Thank you for your kind and caring replies, it gives me a lift to read them 👍

I’ve never worked somewhere that has behaved as badly as this place for the last 18 months - to be clear, for a profit driven organisation, it’s been pretty good until early last year. And I’m sure it’s just the combination of the current “leadership” in my store, that’s the problem.

Anyway, I found out today that my request to return to my previous hours and duties has been granted and I will be returning to Nightfill in about a weeks time - thank someone for that! Because quitting was well and truly on my agenda. At least I go back to hours that allow me to regain the structure I used to have in my life. My dog will be happy, because “together time” and meals will be back on a schedule. One of my stressors has been my concern about my dog, she’s nearly 11yo and having meal times moved around and the rest of her life muddled up, can’t be great, and I’ve been feeling guilty.

I will be slightly removed from the Nazi, so I believe that I will, in time, be able to get something sorted in that area. Basically, I don’t believe she should be allowed to continue to behave the way she does, so I’m not letting that go. Not just for me, but the others also.

It’s dusk, and I’ve just watched the pelicans returning to their roosts - it’s very beautiful as they are silhouettes in the sky, one day I’m going to get a decent photo of that 😊

Sparrow Update - I think we have mission accomplished - he’s been very quiet the last couple of days. Today, I’ve seen the lady sparrow around a lot, they seem “companionable”.

Upcoming Series: Nest Watch - will our intrepid couple have babies lol 😂

Many thanks for your continued support, cheers M 🙂