"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[Moonstruck]

Sorry I am not going well today at all. all the decision making and issues facing me over past weeks will affect others' well being - one about an activity I was pleaded with to join in; another with my work; another with a beloved pet - another with having to ask a neighbour for their co-operation which I haven't done as I am frightened of their reply; I have only acted upon the first thing here (the activity which i said No to and of course felt guilty). the others remain - consuming my every waking moment and I had bad dreams last night.

I cannot take this being in limbo land much more! "I don't know, I don't know" is my only answer to the questions surrounding me. If these issues only affected myself it would be different. But they don't. Whichever way I turn will also affect others. Not necessarily badly....but maybe.....I won't know until I take any action - and then it will be too late!

If I do as Croix suggested and talk it over with someone.....it only confuses me more. One says "follow your gut feelings" another will say "Are you sure you can cope with that - it'll be a lot of work?"....another says "why rock the boat now?" another says " take a leap of faith and follow your heart"....another says "don't be so gutless, you're a free person, do whatever you want to do and to hell with anyone else...if they don't like it, stuff 'em".....My anxiety is through the roof, panic is knocking on my door, I have no meds to take to help me deal with this (GP and counsellor don't think I need them) and I feel I may break down..

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

I am in the same boat, Moon, and it has crippled me. I have been sitting here for4 months now with the same decisions whirring constantly in my mind. They are major life decisions and there is no way to know what is the best thing to do. I have been putting off making any choice until now I probably won't have a choice, the bank & the ATO will decide for me. But I am still paralysed. I have stuck my head in the sand, ignoring the issues for 3 months, in the pretext of giving myself time out, it helped me get through this time without so much anxiety and depression, but this probably dug a deeper hole. Perhaps I am just letting things slip, so that then MY decisions won't be the cause of my failure, but of course it is my indecision that will have caused it.

I find that everyday I seem to have a different mindset about the best way forward . Some days I can feel quite positive about one choice, only to feel totally opposite a few hours later. The yo-yo-ing is exhausting (yet I can only get a few hours broken sleep at night.) I usually end up trying to forget about it all and stick my head back in the sand. And then it's groundhog day again.

My situation and decisions are complicated due to chronic health issues, so even if I feel positive about a particular choice, I then realise that I probably can't do it anyway due to physical limitations. Plus, any of my choices put me back in the firing line of constant emotional distress and being on call 24/7. This extended break has made me wonder how I did keep going for the last 16yrs. I wished I'd not had the break, though it was forced, but now I just really can't face doing it anymore. I don't want to. But I have to pay the bills, so?? Yo yo!!

Today I was netsurfing self help etc. Others here may find some comfort or even solutions from one interesting site by Louise Hay. There was an article on loving yourself, which I thought appropriate considering the similar thread here. So I read that article, and linked to a few others that seemed relevant. Maybe it will help you a bit. Some of it is a bit airy fairy, but some of it made some sense. The hard part is believing it & accepting that I am capable of doing it.

Sorry for negative post. I've been quiet lately, but had to let you know I reIate. Now should I delete this. Don't want to trigger. Perhaps some replies may help us both or Louise Hay on decisions will make something clearer for you. (Ted talk on procrastination for a laugh & maybe insight.)

Lee x

[Moonstruck]

I am glad you didn't delete it Jugglin'. I felt some consolation just seeing someone had replied to my call for help this morning - we certainly do seem to share similar predicaments...I understand completely where you are coming from..with "taking time out for yourself" and putting off making your major decision. (I have been advised to do so myself...but as time passes, as you said...it is our "indecision" in itself that may cause future problems.

that is another difficult question....is having time out or a "doona day" a retreat from everything, is that "loving yourself" or is it "putting head in the sand?". I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW.

4 months is a long time for you to be in such torment. and it IS torment...I know. Do you talk it over with anyone? It seems such a simple thing to do doesn't it. "talk it over with someone you trust and admire". Yep I have been advised that too, so I know it isn't as easy as it sounds, although probably quite sensible. Have you got anyone?

don't apologise for negative post. I am SO glad you responded, and that you relate. I apologise for everything too. I'll do just about anything to have people "like" me. Or at least not "dislike" me or be annoyed by me.

I remember reading and listening to Louise Hay many years ago and finding her helpful. She must be about 105 by now!! There was an "evening meditation" tape that was brilliant for sleeping. Just brilliant. I can't find it anywhere now. Not the original anyway. I think she put out bits and pieces of it into another CD but wasn't as good. I will look her up again as you suggested.

Best of luck to you and I wish I could be more help Jugglin'. Sending positive vibes and healing to you...xo

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

First if all i think you need to take the post to your gp/counsellor as the distress you are feeling is very evident.

Secondly, you mention that the decisions you need to make will affect others. Is it possible to base your decisions on how they will affect you and try not to worry about the others? If the affect on them is that they will be disappointed, then that is their problem not yours. If it is more significant than that perhaps a list of you vs them and see which is greater.

Do you need to decide all at once. Can you tackle one at a time, after you make a decision on one, then think about the next. It is really hard when we feel we have so many things to do and decide all at once. Break it down into small chunks, deal with one at a time. Again, write them down if you need to and cross them off when dealt with.

Look after yourself first and foremost dear Moon.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

Thanks for your support CMF. I don't know which direction would be "looking after myself". I don't know which decision would be "looking after myself". I can't decide which course of action means I am "looking after myself". I have been in this state of being stuck for so long now, I am not at peace or relaxed, or even nearly approaching "feeling good, OK or happy"... I agree that I must look after myself ...but I can't decide which choice IS looking after myself, and which is making more hard work and stress for myself. that is what is causing so much torment.

I think about the decision(s) laying in front of me 100% of the time. From the moment I wake, till I fall asleep (with the help of meds) It is never from my mind. It is consuming me. It has turned into obsession.

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I'm hearing you and i am here for you. Your anxiety is in full swing by the sound of things. You will be ok.

Firstly, do you have appointment with your gp/counsellor in the near future? I really urge you to take these posts with you as they clearly show how you are feeling.

Secondly, would it be of any help if you were to share with us the decisions you are facing? I totally respect they are private and you may not want to a post them here but perhaps some outside perspective may help. Maybe we can help with the pros and cons as we have no attachment to them. I love outside perspective and happy to give you a hand if you feel it will help Moon.

Here for you

cmf x

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I wish I or someone else could really smooth your path for you. Being on tenterhooks and not being able to decide is horrible.

As CMF says, if it is something you could get an outside take on then sing out. I suspect though that no matter what was said you would be no better off.

Because people do not have all the facts, cannot really see the consequences, making a choice seems impossible. but humans have to anyway, we are not machines.

It's not helped by down deep you having the wrong idea about yourself, you really are capable you know.

I guess the only two things to offer (and no doubt you will have thought of them already) are - have you decided a particular way before, and how did that turn out?

Or is not making a decision, having it hanging over you stressing you out, is that worse than living with any possible consequences?

There is one thing you can bank on, no matter what you can come here to people who understand, are on your side, will talk, sympathies, have fun, be there.

Croix

[CMF]

Moon i am quoting you from the 'what do you fear thread'

'I fear making the wrong decision. Once made I cannot change my mind - it's for the long term. If it turns out I made the wrong choice - I can't go back and "re-make"it. If it is the right decision it will bring me immense joy, fulfilment, satisfaction, pleasure, fun, relief.If it is the wrong decision it will bring me stress, worry, extra work, less free time, upset angry neighbours, fear, regret, inconvenience (for others as well as myself).I have no way of knowing how the situation will pan out. It depends on which decision I make. I am consumed with fear.'

If it is the 'right' decision it sounds wonderful. I'm wondering, what would make it the 'wrong' decision. Is it your anxiety bringing on the negative thoughts, making you fear the worst?

I wish o could help you more.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

Dear People...i know I am being too vague...my fear, there's that word again...is that I may lose my anonymity by revealing too many details...just in case there is someone on here that knows me...I can write very expressively and descriptively - if I really let loose, I would give away too much detail. But I do apologise.

Let me see....my decision is whether to take action....and say yes to something...or leave things the way they are..the status quo. To take action requires the co operation of someone I am fearful of asking - because I know they don't want me to take action. I am mustering up courage to broach the subject with them..tomorrow.

If they say "no" the decision is taken out of my hands...and there will be no action. I will be devastated. But I will be safe.

If I take action and it works out....that's what will be wonderful. If I take action and it doesn't.....that's when it will be terrible. I have no way of knowing how it will pan out. Yes my anxiety has me fearing that it won't work out. if I take action, my anxiety could get in the way of my enjoying it to the fullest.....it could add to my stress.

this is the decision....(if, of course the other person agrees to allow me to take action) to take the action, i.e.leap of faith......or....retain the status quo and give up the chance of something wonderful....but at least avoid any risk of disaster. Be safe....or take the chance?...that is my dilemma. A formidable one for a person who suffers from anxiety. I have to look after myself. Retaining the status quo at least will not add to my stress....just a sad regret that I wasn't brave enough to try.

I do apologise if this is so confusing. It doesn't matter. Don't feel you have to help me or make me feel better. I don't deserve any more help because I haven't explained the situation in 100% detail. Perhaps I am making myself worse by talking about it all the time.....I have to go now.....Good night ...luv u..xo

[CMF]

Goodnight Moon,

Never feel you don't deserve our support. We are here for you.

Good luck broaching the subject.

cmf x