New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Thank you, I'll try.

yeah they are really cute the hobby farmers go nuts for them😂

haha, you should take him to the hobbit village in new zealand😂

I hope gym whent well.

see ya later

[thesedaysarenotfun]

Haha oh yeah I see that now. All good mate, I’m glad to see you are doing better. Keeping busy and meeting a nice young lady are all positive moves. However I’m sorry to be reading about what you and your family are going through with your father. I’m not going to comment on that, only to say that your mum and brothers are lucky to have you stepping in and supporting them. Continue to stay strong mate, they need you right now and you are doing a fabulous job.

[Pysis]

thanks mate. Yeah I finally feel like my life is back onto the right track again I got another job yesterday (to add to my any others) at a camel dairy so that'll be good.

Yeah im trying my best with my dad but it's really just hard and tiring even yesterday I think I ended up having about 5 fights with him I try to get away if I can but when it's about him trying to stop my family from doing things then I need to step in. Thanks I'm trying to be its just not easy, I really hope I am.

thanks mate

Nath

[Pysis]

Today I haven't really had a very good day I had a driving lesson with a guy that I've seen a couple times and he has just completely distroyed my confidence and has just been telling me every possible way I can fail and has been talking at me and I've just lost all faith in my driving and I'm feeling really flat, I was going so well with my driving I was feeling really good and I'm about to go for my test soon but when I have this guy in the car all he dose is rattle me and make me feel like I'm a horible driver. He just keeps telling me what I'm doing wrong wich honestly are minor things but he makes out they are major but won't tell me how to fix it.

and dads really getting to me again he's really bad at the moment and I don't know how much longer I can do it all I do is hide in my room I was crying last week just becuase he's getting way to much and I'm scared I'm just going to go right back to the start and I've been doing so well, that deep sadness is creeping back in and it's scaring me I don't know what to do about it. I just feel like I'm in a never ending circle everytime I get myself back on track and it seems like my life's settling down a bit my dad gets bad again and I'm back at the start.

my girlfriend is coming up tomorrow so I'm excited but really nervous as well I'm more scared about her meeting dad he's such a idiot and I'm scared he's just going to disrespect her and she won't want to be with me becuase of him.

[velvetfaerie]

How are you today Nath?

V.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Nath,

Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you. Things sounds rough on the home front. I have to admit that I haven’t quite caught up completely on your recent posts on this thread but will do at some point...

In the mean time, I am thinking of you and I’m glad things are going well with your girlfriend. Hopefully your dad was respectful.

In the worst case scenario, hopefully your girlfriend is understanding and realises you can’t (and shouldn’t) be held “responsible” for your dad’s behaviour. But even better would be no “worst case scenario” and that it went okay today instead...

Caring thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[swtpotato]

Hey Nath!

It's good to see you are back!

Are you able to get a different driving instructor? I know it's close to the test but it would probably be worth it if all they do is make you feel worse. It's not on you to get over those feelings - it's their job to make you feel safe and competent in your driving.

About the sadness coming back. I think once everyone starts to lift their depression they always have this nagging fear that it'll come back. But it is very likely that feelings like that are brought upon by temporary situations, and they represent a little dip, but that you have the capacity to look after yourself now and take actions to make yourself feel better -- especially as now you know that is possible!

So you can recognise that these emotions are quite a rational response to the stress of your dad and your girlfriend coming to meet him for the first time. Understanding where it is coming from may lessen the broader fear of the depression coming back completely, and narrow it down it what is actually happening right now. Like, still scary, but in a way that you can actually do something about it.

How did the visit go?

What are the good things that have been happening before this?

Also I am so glad things are going well with your girlfriend!! It must be very exciting. :))))

love hearing from you

m

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

that's ok I'm sorry I haven't been around.

yeah they are I just had a missive fight with dad I'm so sick of it I don't know how much longer I can do it its distroying me again I'm so over it.

things went really well with my girlfriend on the weekend she is so calm and relaxing it's really nice.

thinking of you

Nath

[Pysis]

Hey M

it's good to be back I missed you guys

yeah I met with a differnt driving instructor straight after and he was really good he thought me more in the 10 minutes I was with him that the other bloke did in the three sessions. he's still managed to destroy my confidence though.

yeah the sadness is being cuased by my dad he's the main resion I think I got depressed in the first place he's really bad again and I'm really struggling with him he's making life so hard.

dad wasn't around much thank god and we managed to find a fair bit of time away from the boys to just be alone and get to know each other. She really relaxed me for some reason.she's very caring and understanding and is just a great person. I can see myself being with her for the rest of my life.

um well I'm buying a pair of mini sheep to breed and I've got a new job at a camel dairy and will hopefully start soon.

thanks M yeah it is, it's very exciting and very nice actually. How'd things go with that bloke you were talking to?

love hearing from you as well, thanks M

nath

[Pysis]

I don't know how I'm suposed to keep doing this, my dad just continually makes my life hard. Today we had a guy come to check the place becuase we have termites and he was off his head, he had to move our filing cabnet and he wanted my helps so I tried to but he was so off his head he was chucking stuff everywhere and was extream lit aggressive about it and was just in a blind panick I told him to just breath and he went off his head and I know I shouldn't of but I punched him in the guts it wasn't hard and it was only a little jab but it was the only way to snap him out of his frenzy and the I had to garden at his parent and I thought they would be home so dad goes to drop me off and no one was there I had no water and there is not much shade. And then he said he wouldn't be back for 2 hours and I said well it's only a half an hour job why don't I just come back later today and do it when they are home and when someone could pick me up earlier well he lost it he was swearing and carrying on and said that I wasted half an hour of his day when they live 5 minutes away on the other side of town and then I just lost it I was screaming at him I couldn't help it and now he's saying to mum he dosent want to live here becuase he's scared I'm going to shot him I've never even shot a rabbit before and I'm not normally a violent person at all but I just lost it when I jabbed him. I'm so over it I can't take it anymore.