New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Hi, guys

sorry I haven't been around much Ive been really busy with stuff but I've been thinking about you all.

um I was doing ok but now that deep sadness has started to creep back in again.

Things with cat have been going really well but I'm kind of scared at the same time I've never met her before and I feel like I'm investing a lot emotionally into it all ready. I kind of need advice on it actually so I have started talking to another girl today as well and I'm not sure wether I should or not is it wrong of me to do that? I've told cat about it and she said she's ok with it, the thing is things are going really well with can but there is that doubt in the back of my head about it all like I'm taking things to fast and I should keep looking. I feel like a horible person over it and I'm really really torn about it but I kind of feel like talking to this other girl could ground me a bit. What do you think?

thanks

Nath

[velvetfaerie]

That’s the dating game... until you agree on mutual exclusivity ... you can talk to who you like / date / meet who you like. Just be honest about it.

Some people get funny. I’ve seen it. It’s not like you’re planning weddings or anything. You’ve not met anyone yet in person? That’s a whole different thing. Lol.

An old friend of mine would meet a guy from online to see if they had chemistry and then get cranky if she saw them online again.... 😳😳😳😳

In my older age I’ve grown to be a bit cold I guess toward dating because I’ve been hurt so much.

You’re a good caring person. Don’t be afraid to be a realist.

tired brain waffle lol.

Chae.

[swtpotato]

Hey Nath,

Absolutely no worries I hope being busy has been a good thing for you.

I am sorry the sadness is coming back, it is always a bit scary as you're reminded of what you can lose. But I think the sadness is the exception not the rule --- as in it's just a visitor that has a reason for being there, and it will leave when it's time.

I think it's fine to talk to another girl, but it sounds like you really like the first one? And it's just a bit scary because it is new and so fast that you might not be ready for it yet? You are allowed to like both, you are not a horrible person, you are just curious and figuring things out.

Do you still want to see her (the first girl)?

If it's all a bit much it is fine to slow it all down, but not stop it completely.

How are your jobs going? How was your day today?

m

[Pysis]

Hey everyone.

Im really sorry I haven't been around I've been so busy I haven't been able to do much really. I hope everyone is ok and I've been thinking about you all.

things with the first girl cat are going really really well and I treid talking to other girls but it felt really really wrong like I was cheating or somthing. I've met cat in person now and we get along really well and I kind of think I'm in love😊 She's coming to stay at my place this weekend wich I'm really nervous about but very excited about at the same time.

my dad is making my life very hard again at the moment and I have started to feel myself slip again becuase of it. I mean I'm actually the happiest I've ever been but there are still lots of moments where that extream deep sadness comes back. I mean today I bought my mum a birthday present and my dad was just an arse about it and took it out on the family I'm finding it really hard. I'm off my meds again it's only been a week or so now but cats been an amazing suport.

being busy has been really good for me as its kept my mind busy and I haven't been able to over think things. I have missed talking to you guys here and I'm hoping I can get back here at bit more but it looks like my life is going to busy for a while yet with the fire season I've been put down for strike teams all across Australia.

im looking at staring to breed miniture sheep and im going to by a ram soon. Im finding it a lit easier to look after my animals at the moment I can get out of bed now and do things where as before I couldn't.

anyway I hope everyone is ok

sending live and kind thoughts

Nath

[Pysis]

Hey everyone

I'm really sorry I haven't been around much I've just been really really busy. I singed in a few times and went to check how everyone was going and someone called me away again. I've been thinking about you guys.

life at home is getting really hard again dads going back to his old ways and is getting really bad I'm constantly stressed. Yesterday mum asked me to buy her chrismas presants so I did and I ended up buying her a birthday present I told dad and he got really aggressive about it becuase he didn't want me to later in he took it out in mum at the dinner table. He's making life really hard again and I think if it wasn't from my girlfriend (the first girl I met) I'd be worse off then I was before. He's just constantly screaming and doing stuff that makes the whole family on edge my middle brother T dosent want to be here at all and my youngest brother seems really stressed and unhappy. Of course this means I've had to step up again and am trying to fill the role he isn't and we just found out Jerome is anemic and has been really unwell so of course I've got to try and help mum convince him to eat more which he isn't. I'm starting to feel that sadness slowly creep back in the worse dad gets.

Works been ok I've had a fair few jobs in the sheering shed including for the husband of the wife who fired me which I was really worried about to the point I felt sick. I might be taking over my own gardening business from an old bloke.

things with the first girl are going really really well I ended up trying talking to another girl but it felt really really wrong almost like I was cheating or something. We met a couple weeks ago and she's coming here to stay this weekend. She's just been amazing and has been supporting me when I have bad days and has really helped me a lot and has been turning to me when she is having a hard time as well. I've never been in love before but I really think this is it. I'm the happiest I think I've ever been and am actually of my meds although I still do get that deep sadness creeping in sometimes.

things have just been busy latley and I haven't really had much time to do the things I really enjoy like drawing or anything. I've been put down for strike teams this year I the CFA so if there is a major fire and they need suport I'll be called to do it and could be away for weeks at a time.

anyway I hope everyone is ok I've been thinking about you all. And I hope I get here more again soon

sending hugs and love

Nath

[thesedaysarenotfun]

Hi Pysis,

You are a good person. And guess what? This happens to good people all the time. I’m so sorry to hear about your horses. Animals are beautiful creatures and losing them when we have a friendship and connection with them is just devastating. You’ve done the right thing seeing your GP and getting on medication. Can I ask how the ADs are treating you and how long you’ve been on them? The reason I ask is that they can take a while to see benefits, but if you stick with them they can be extremely beneficial. Do not get discouraged. In regard to having someone to talk to, you’ve also done the right thing joining an online support forum like this one. We are all here for you, and you are not alone. People always say in hard times to draw from the love and support of those around you, but when you don’t have a good family support and live in a small rural community this is extremely hard. It must feel very isolating when you can’t receive proper care from a psychologist/therapist and I guarantee you that the majority of members here do see one. In this instance the internet is a valuable tool. Use it to draw inspiration from others like the countless threads on this website as well as others, and also online coaching in regard to CBT therapy which is great for learning why you may think and react to what is going on in your life. Something that has also been suggested to me and is a great personal tool for recovery is keeping a journal. It’s yours to write your feelings and thoughts out and if you do it on a daily basis it can really help you monitor your progress and just get all those things down on paper and out of your head. The downward spiral of the mind can be so debilitating and you must always remember that even at its worst it will always pass. Always remember that none of this is your fault my friend and you are never alone in this, no matter how lonely it feels.

[Pysis]

Hi these days

iys good to see you here and thank you for you kind words.

i think the post your were reading was probably my first post from a number of months ago. I'm doing alright now and have just recently gone off my medication after about 6 months or so now of being in them. I haven't been around here much latley becuase I've been busy so I haven't seen you around yet but you seem very nice and hope the forums are helping you.

Thank you for your kind words

Nath

[velvetfaerie]

She’s a lucky girl Nath!!! 😎😎😎

my man thing is good.... 😆

Sorry I’ve been busy as lately too.. not long until I can chill a bit.

I had wondered where you’d got too... ***nudge wink***

Mini sheep !!!!??? AWESOME!!!

Your dad, well, I wish I had wise words... when growing up my dad and I had not a good relationship. Basically he had a nervous breakdown and took it all out on me. Best thing I ever did was leave at 19.

But that’s me.

xxxx

[Pysis]

Haha, thank you😊😂

haha, that's good still being a hobbit?😂

Thats ok haha I haven't been around at all it's been nuts.

Haha, just work nothing to fun😂😉

yeah mini harlequin I'm going to buy a ram and ewe. There only 49 - 50cm or something like that.

yeah I want to leave I wish I could be I've got to stay for my brothers if I'm not here they don't have anyone to protect them.

thanks V

Nath

xxxx

missed you.

[velvetfaerie]

You’re a good sort looking after your brothers. Be strong for them.

Mini harlequins.... will google 🐑

Hes a hobbit still yes. Short. Chubby. Furry feet haaaaaha...

Miss you too!!!

I better drag butt to gym.

catch ya later.