My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Morning bro,

Im just going to say one thing today.

Tara Barch- healing self doubt.

"Awakening"

I can't wait to explain it. But right now I can't plus I don't think i have to!

Hwjt

Believe

End.

I will chat to you later bro, cos right now I'm in ore!

Six

[SourceShield]

Morning bro,

Im glad that youre getting so much out of her teachings.

I am in awe of her as well.

Remember that sharing about your experience, is a big part of the healing process, otherwise keeping all that inside, is just another form of self-isolation.

You've come too far, to go backwards.

So, dont push me away, know that I am here whenever you are ready to discuss what you have learned.

Thats important...thats how we know that we have really learned, when we can share what we have learned with others!

HWJT

1) Connect with Spiritfulness - pray&meditate

2) SNORT

3) Exercise

4) Eat Well

5) Studies

6) Appreciate Music

7) Walk Bundy

😎 Reach out and support others where and when I can

9) Practise affirmations&visualizations

10) Have a peaceful evening!

MuchLove

[1113]

Bro,

Giving thanks to coffee beans for their life as per usual.

I have a massive doubt inside me that I'm trying to understand. Every time I try to find it.... it evades me. I know it's there. But what is it? I've always had this feeling. That feeling is my longest or oldest memory. I have been doubting myself for as long as I can remember, and again......... I'm fighting a feeling that is not real. I'm trying to find a reason for doubts or connect them to something that has previously happened in my life. Doubt like the dog just needs to be released.

Held.....justified....then....realeased!

I just understood something so profound that I need to "believe" "forgiveness" not "doubt"

Awakening

Six

[SourceShield]

Okay, bro!

I get it.

One of Tara's teachings is - RAIN.

That stands for...

R - Recognise - You recognise...what you are feeling - Just feel it. Remember it is only a feeling, and that you are safe to feel this.

A - Allow - Allow life to be just as it is...this helps us to see where the limiting beliefs have been playing out in our life - Once we recognise that we are hurting and suffering...then, we can truly let it go.

You have to acknowledge an issue, before you can be free of it. You have to admit the problem, before you can release it.

I - Investigate with kindness...What is the source of this problem? Where did these feelings originate?. Remember that its great to recognise an issue, but refrain from judging yourself, for having that issue...the judgement just keeps us locked on the thing that we are wanting to be free of.

N - Nourish with kindness. Once you can fully see what it is - the good, the bad, and the ugly, and let it go...it is now vital to fill up the space, where the issue was, with loving-kindness and compassion.

Bro, this is pretty full-on teachings.

And, you're not expected to do this all alone.

Right now, what youre feeling is some old wounds that are coming up, that means that you are now ready to face them...and to learn from them...and to grow from them.

Dont do this alone.

I am here for you...fire questions at me, concerns, doubts...just use your words to express, and trust that there is no judgement.

At all.

What you are feeling is such an old hurt that it has been locked away in your memory, for many years, of your life now.

We all doubt ourselves, now and again...thats normal and natural.

But, when they interfere with our life, in a big way...thats when we must really care and do our best, to free ourselves of the doubt.

Feel free to share what your childhood was like, for you.

This most likely, originated there...goes as deep with this as you can.

You have my undivided attention, and support.

I get it.

I really do...Tara's teachings, really got me like that too!

Stay true to this feeling, and all feelings that pop up.

Name them...

Now, I am feeling...

Happy.

Now, sad.

Now, angry.

Now tired...keep naming all the different feelings.

Some will be really uncomfortable, and those are the ones that we usually dissociate from.

Some will be really pleasant, but we have a danger of getting too hooked to those too, so I really get into...harmonious-balance!.

Its the way of the Universe!.

Trust!.​

[SourceShield]

p.s.

My bro,

Also remember that you dont have to do serious stuff, all day!

That can be really draining.

Thats why we laugh, as much as we can.

Smile, as often as you can.

Just chill whenever you need to.

Thats why I like doing the social-things on BB too, its a break from all the seriousness.

And, BB has become my 'community time' - thats a really important part of our healing process, we must be with people, that are of like-mind...even if thats online!

Otherwise...isolation can slip back into our routine, and that can be a killer!.

I watch shows on 123movies.

Thats my down time.

I'm into all sorts - documentaries, anime, cartoons, thrillers, comedy...as long as its well written and well cast, I am happy.

Stick with your hobbies too, they are a blessing, in our low times...keeps the hands, and mind active!

Stay hydrated, I know that may seem weird but much research has gone into how the body 'cleanses' itself of these issues, and how it 'flushes' them out of the system.

We have three main needs of the body, right?

We NEED to breathe.

We NEED to hydrate.

We NEED to nourish.

Theres a reason why HYDRATION is our second most important need.

As we stay hydrated, we help cleanse the body of ALL toxins, inc/ emotional-toxin.

Thats not metaphysical nonsense, thats a fact!

Thats what I love about Life, is that we all know that we are going to die.

We are born.

We die.

Thats unavoidable.

But, whats in-between, thats on us to design, just as we wish.

Forgive yourself, brother.

You are forgiven.

You are forgivable.

Start with forgiveness of self, and this makes it easier to forgive others...wont happen over night...

Forgiveness doesnt mean that we condone what has happened, not at all.

We arent approving of what happened.

We are making peace with our past.

Forgeo all self-punishment.

Forgive the people.

Forget the problem.

When we forgive others that doesnt mean that we have to invite the person or people over for Christmas dinner, we are setting ourselves free of the negative feedback-loop, that this has caused.

They are free.

You are free.

My Grandmother, was the best.

She would sit me beside her - she was bed ridden.

She would ask me, what I wanted to be when I grew up.

And no matter what I said, she would say, YES - you can do that!.

Her love was unconditional.

It is real.

It is available to all of us.

You are worthy, brother.

Set yourself free now.

I believe in you.

I'm ready too.

We can do this.

[1113]

Brozza,

I got to balance things out. You know.....I got a child. I would love to unleash, but.........balance.

Slow and steady wins the race too.

Now.....I'm not backing down, I'm just removing the wall piece by piece while balancing all my responsibilities.

But i gotta tell ya my confidence is raising, like bread dough in a prover. It has to rise enough before i can put it in the oven otherwise it wont be soft and fluffy.

I freakin love relating cooking terms to life.

Im actually laughing right now!

I know you understand bro.

Im soul searching.....brozza.

My hwjt today was hard, all i had to do was "believe".

I'm going to get dinner ready then youtube some more stuff. I might be back later tonight.....but I am engrossed with all the work you have given me.

I'm actually in a good place right now....and thats only going to get better.

Feelin the brotherly love

My boy is winning the academic achievement award...again.....3yrs in a row. So proud. I'm so happy.

Peace

Grasshopper out.

[SourceShield]

Bro,

You lost me on the whole balance thing, in that, no ones telling you it is a race!

You MUST balance out.

Thats what Im saying.

But, your 'balance out', will look different to mine.

I simply highlighting the fact that...it can actually be very detrimental to do this all alone.

So let be there for you...because I sense, youve never had anyone there for you before, like this.

So this is all new for you.

I did my HWJT - as best as I could.

And thats what matters.

Live your life wholeheartedly - if you tell me that you are on Youtube, and doing the study...then do that, but do it sincerely.

Do what you can on your HWJT as wholeheartedly as you can...this of course eliminates all half-heartedness.

Once you make your mind up to do something...do it.

Honour that decision until you make another one.

If you tell me that you are a dad, then that must include you being as healthy a dad as you can for your son.

So that your son has your fine example of health as he grows...your son must remain your lighthouse!

I am a naturally out-going person.

And I understand that you are not, necessarily.

Did you know that we have - Extrovert, Introvert...and Ambivert?

This is just about how we use energy and recharge.

Extrovert - Generally uses energy with people around them, and thats how they recharge as well.

Introvert - Generally recharge when they are alone, and prefer to use their energy on personal interests and hobbies.

Ambivert - Are a bit of both.

I am an Ambivert.

I love solitude - I have many hobbies and can keep myself busy but I also enjoy socialising and being outgoing.

In fact most people are ambivert.

I'm gonna be nosey again, I already told you that I was a nosey so-and-so...

I have sensed that some of what we have written about, in the last couple of days, has stirred up something inside you.

Because I have observed a change in your attitude - not a negative change, just a shifting of attitudes...which is a good thing.

But there is something that you are resisting.

Something that you dont want to talk about.

It has to do with your childhood, and upbringing.

I wont push you on it all.

Just know that you have a bro to help you take down that wall, brick by brick!

PeaceOut grasshopper!

[SourceShield]

p.s.

Super proud of the neph.

Just goes to show that you must be doing something right, big daddy!

Peace&AppleBongs

[1113]

Bro,

Your absolutely correct. I'm experiencing a feeling that is foreign to me. It is like cutting a beef fillet with the grain when all my life I've been taught to cut across the grain.

Cooking metaphor.......gold

It's not the dog feeling or anxiety....its completely different and I'm trying to accept it. I'm happy and content ......but the new emotion is sitting in my solar plex area, just sitting there like a rock. Anxiety is always in my gut area, the dog is a heavy head feeling, fog, sadness. Also I can feel my mind eye all day long. Sometimes it feels like its pushing out.

So yeah....some different vibrational waves atm that I'm picking up on.

The boy is going to be something special, this I know. Just gotta guide him in the right direction.

Apple bong? You'd better to just eat the apple and pass on the other bro.

Ok ok ok okk. Just had an awesome idea. The bro code?

You can add to this........it could be a thread idea.

Its harder for must men to open up right?

So there should be a code that men relate to.

I know your brain just went wild......

Imput please?

[SourceShield]

I aint passing on the other!

Some people pop a pill...and yet that is legalised.

Some of us in this world, choose natural herbs.

Each to their own!