My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[SourceShield]

Nawww bro - You truly, most truly deserve a medal of honour.

I think that you are just the best dad, ever - serious brother.

I wish that I had, had a dad like you.

You deserve to be free of the beast bro, and I will do whatever I can, and use all the power that I have to support and assist you...whenever and however I can.

I just think that you are the best.

Youre exactly the kinda Dad, that I wanna be when I have kids...I want to be a dad, so bad that it hurts, and your example...is exemplary...its stellar!

You are the example that all new dads should follow.

The way the you are so committed to your son...just stay focused on that, whenever the beasts is about...that love that you have, is the superpower of all superpowers.

Use that love to guide you back to the light, whenever that dirty beast wants to get at you again...I know you can do it.

The fact of the matter is, we are all on the spectrum, and with the boy being borderline, as you say, then it sounds like...he and I, and other autistics, have much in common...but that doesnt have to limit him, or your relationship...and you already get that.

I really cant say much more than that because I feel very honoured to have met you - I hope that I have in some way assisted or supported you because you are the shining example of fatherhood, that I will follow.

Your example of what a dad should be like...is perfect.

My personal belief is that being a parent is the MOST IMPORTANT role above all roles, and the fact that you have committed yourself to being the best dad, that you can be...just makes me bawl my eyes out.

I truly honour you my brother.

You get it - its the kids - its the next generation that matter now...we have to guide them and show them that we can be more than all these conditions, and syndromes, and disorders...we are more than that.

WOW - a bearded dragon!

Thats cool man.

Nice.

And, we are ALL special...in our own way...I mean that literally, and figuratively.

Glad that SNORT helped for a bit!

But seriously bro - Look up, Tara Brach, on Youtube...her podcasts and sessions on youtube are amazing...she is a brilliant teacher!

She keeps it real and always speaks from the heart and soul of the issue...I consider her to be one of my grand master teachers.

Anyone of her teachings is amazing but look up - Tara Brach, releasing limiting beliefs.

And then all the others!!!.

I cant even describe how fully her teachings has changed my mode of thinking.

MuchJoy

[1113]

I have tears of joy. I'm positive they are just that.

I'm speechless, honoured to be your bro!

You helped me see the light.

I feel good within my skin, and that says everything.

Have a awesome day at work!

I will hwjt as per usual

Chat soon

Peace and happiness and pride and bothers

Six

[SourceShield]

Night my bro.

I will HWJT before I head off to work.

PeaceOut brother from another mother!

[SourceShield]

HWJT - 22/11/16

Morning bro.

1) Cook good, healthy food for my personalChef clients - The Mum sounds like she is a bit stressed atm. They have two kids with Pyrrolle Disorder, so I like to think that my job is to make life a little easier for her and her family.

2) Walk Bundy

3) Eat Well

4) Appreciate Music - on the train to work

5) SNORT

6) PhD Studies!

7) Shopping - need more food for the wolf and I

😎 ReachOut and support people on BB, where and when I can

MuchLove my bro...have an awesome day!

[1113]

Mid morning back at ya bro,

HWJT

1. I'm going to take time and appreciate the milestone I just made. I mean really give it the time to sink in on many levels
2. Do some youtube searching as you instructed
3. Snort
4. Daily meditation
5. Appreciate everything I have in my life.

End

Chat later bro

[1113]

Hay bro,

Hope you're day was all g.

I had an awesome day. Your nephew is super happy. Did almost everything on the list, just about to do the youtube search now. I keep forgetting to put my studies in my hwjt. Emo intel. Thats helping so much bro....thanks. I got how the emotions are connected to brain chemistry. A picture is forming in my head. Oh and my addiction to this forum is reducing. I'm living more life. Have to cut down the screen time at night, otherwise can't sleep. So I'm going to do morning and evening, but not past 9.30.

Bro, give me something special to read in the morning!!!

I need humour and you crack me up.

Also.....phd? Impressive. Elaborate...........

My head is clear

My boy is chirpy

You da man......thanks brother......

Six

[SourceShield]

Hey my bro!

All is g.

I agree re: limiting screen time...Im down for that too!

Yet again, I didnt actually look at my studies today!

My PhD is in Creativity...thats why I go on about it so much.

There is only a very few of us in the world that are actually studying creativity is such a way - I believe that it can be used as a form of therapy.

I will elaborate much more on this...at another time...because tonight, I am going to do some study!

Ya kinda put me on the spot there...isnt that funny?

When you want to be funny...nothing!

When you dont want to be funny...hilarious!

I feel really good too...and just remember its often times like this, when we are feeling clear-minded and good, that the beast will want to attack us!

But, now that we are aware of that...thats half the battle.

So, the best thing to do is to...keep on being happy!

Im glad the neph is chirpy!

MuchLove bro

[SourceShield]

Okay - heres something for you...

So, at the moment we are looking at Pathological Liars.

Have you heard of this condition?

Can you understand how we would see this as a condition?

In the past, we have punished "the liar"!

And perhaps...rightfully so?!?

Who gets to be judge, and jury?

And why?

Do you understand the anatomy of a lie?

Lets discuss more, okay bro?

In my home, we learned that telling lies, sometimes kept us safe.

Sometimes, telling the truth, still got me a hiding!

So telling lies, became a negative-positive phenomena.

In other words, lies - the negative, kept us safe - the positive.

Have you ever experienced something like this in your life, brother?

If the act of telling lies is normalised it can become a condition - a pathological condition!

The Cure??.

We just start telling the truth...start with oneself, and people that one trusts - Could be many, could be just one trusted friend.

My friend, Tricia, once told me that...You Only Need At Least One Friend In This World.

And, I believe that too!.

More is nice.

But trust is the key.

The door is ones soul.

We are the guardians of the Soul - The Mind, and the home of the Spirit - The Body.

Now, Im getting a bit metaphysical...are you into that?

I am.

But, that can be rather intense for many...

...because it involves looking at the whole picture - The Holistic Self.

We consider this to be the TRUE WAY to complete health.

Just stop me if this is of no interest to you though...

...I could write about this stuff...

...forever...

...and ever.

Amen.

I have 920 characters left to use.

When you were a kid what was your favourite t.v show?

And, why?

You MUST tell me the truth!

Or, you get no pudding!

JOKES.

I will wait for your reply, and then tell you mine.

What do you know about psychopaths?

Did you know that...

...they only make up 5% of the population...

...but actually contribute to 50% of the crime in this world?

Thats why I am doing what I am doing - in terms of my studies and research.

Not completely but a big part of it.

My research has 4 main branches.

I'll discuss that at another time.

But - psychopaths, cost us all a lot of money!

Did you know that?

But...they are sick.

Some say incurable.

I am autistic.

They say that is incurable.

Some autistics are high functional, some are not.

Some psychopaths are 'functional', and 'some' are not...at all!!!.

We, as a society must address this in a serious way...lets discuss!

Peace.

[SourceShield]

...Next minit I'm back on the forum...

...it's 1:11am in the morning!

Look at that number!.

Today is the 2+3/1+1/2+0+1+6 = 16 (6 +1) = 7 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 10 = 1

Today is a 1 day

Here is a quirky fact about the number 1...

There is only one of lots of things.

There is only one planet Earth, there is only one Atlantic Ocean and there is only one you.

All of these are unique.

Maths is fun.

Heres another great teacher for you, brother!

Robert Sapolsky.

Look up - Stanford Neuroscience, on youtube.

Or, Stanford, Robert Sapolsky.

His perspective and teachings on neuroscience - spot on!

Youll learn heaps from him, bro!

He is probably one of the most intelligent people, that I know, in the whole wide world - but in a humble way.

Sincere man.

Family man - he takes his family ( wife and kids) to Africa...they study the animals there!

Man, so coooool!

Look him up bro.

And, if you do watch any of the Tara Brach stuff, lets discuss that!

Then we can chat about the neuroscience stuff, once youve seen some of the Sapolsky lectures.

Easy to understand.

Straight to the point.

Not a big-head at all!

I think he's the best at what he does!.

CheckItOut!

YeeeeeaaaahBoi!

[1113]

Morning bro,

Wow, You just exploded my brain.

I think you should look at patterns, personalities in written txt etc etc. Some people might not even be real. So not only liars or physco...........but actually faking for personal reasons. They may have a hidden agenda...or want revenge .....think about it. Your brain will see it. I can see that stuff straight away. Thats my gift. I can't read properly because i can hear words. Its hard to explain really. If i look at a page the words are jumbled around. But there is actually a pattern in it. Personalities are in the writing sometimes.

Is that metaphysical enough for ya? Hahahahaha gold

Anyway.............

Hwjt

Keep up my parenting

Look after MY boy

Do some hobbie stuff

Snort

Study emo intel..

Go for a walk

Hug the dog.

Mediate

Spend more time allowing positivity in.

End...

Btw.............bro,

Parents will anything for their children....good ones anyway.

Peace out brussel sprout

I slept better

Six