My fiancé has bipolar

[Dolly]

My fiancé has always been very kind and loving towards me and has always told me how much he loves me. He has always told me to never doubt his love for me. Our wedding is all planned for 7 weeks time, then out of the blue 2 weeks ago he said that he couldn’t marry me, as he doesn’t love me. I am absolutely shattered and at a loss as to what to do. I have always known from day one that he has bipolar and I am very supportive of his needs. He means a whole lot to me, I love him unconditionally.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dolly

I’m sorry it has taken so long for you to receive a reply. 
I just read your post and it broke my heart. I’m so sorry that your wedding plans are in turmoil. I can only imagine how upset you must be.

It’s a really tough situation. It very well could be that his change of heart is related to his mental illness. I care for my daughter who lives with a mental health condition, and she has on occasion behaved in an uncharacteristic and unpredictable fashion. It’s usually part of a larger story of poor health.

The trouble is without really talking to him, it’s hard to know for sure. Are you able to have a chat with him? Alternatively, could you speak with one of his family members or close friends? I just think it would help to get a sense of his health in general to try to put his action in a context.

In the meantime, please be kind to yourself. Lean on your family and friends, if that’s possible. And post anytime to let us know how you are going.

Kind thoughts to you

[Dolly]

Thank you for your reply. I have tried to talk to him, I asked him why he says he doesn’t love me and why he doesn’t want to get married but he tells me that he doesn’t know why. When I try to talk to him more about our relationship he says he’s tired or just says he doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t seem to comprehend the impact of what it’s doing to us. He doesn’t have any family that he has any connection to, I am his life, other than his work.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dolly

Thank you for sharing a bit more of your story. 
It’s possible that he might be closed, at the moment, to having a full discussion because he’s unwell, scared, anxious or just needing more time or perhaps he might need some structure around a future conversation, in order to feel comfortable. You know him better than anyone, does this make sense to you?
Maybe a third party could help. Is he currently seeing a mental health professional? If so, could you suggest that the two of you have a session together to talk it through? If not, perhaps you two could see a relationship counsellor?

Just thoughts to help get a more meaningful conversation happening.
I realise that I’ve posed more than a few questions, there is no pressure to answer. 
Kind thoughts to you

[Dolly]

Hi,

Thank you for your advice, I have thought about these options myself, as I don’t want to break up with him. I know that he is going through a difficult time at the moment. It just doesn’t hurt any less. I don’t think he really wants us to break up either, we are still living together. He needs his medication adjusted or changed to a different medication, as it hasn’t seemed to be helping him for a couple of months now. They are just taking their time to re-evaluate his medication, doesn’t help that he has been referred to a new psychiatrist. So I think that’s been a problem as well. It’s bad timing with the wedding though.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dolly

Sounds as though he’s got a lot on his plate right now with his health. It’s quite a challenging situation for both of you. Hugs to you.
I think it’s lovely that you care so much about his health and are so understanding, but I’d like to focus on you for a moment.

Unwinding your wedding plans and living with a man who says he doesn’t love you is going to be a tough. I need to encourage you to consider your own health, too.

What do you need right now? Are you eating and sleeping okay? Are you managing to function at work and other areas outside your home?

Please make time for yourself everyday, do something you really enjoy to feed your soul. You can’t support him if you’re not well and you two have a lot to figure out moving forward. It’s okay to reach out for support for yourself.

When my daughter fell ill with OCD I often found myself struggling to cope and unsure of how best to help her. I engaged professional support for myself. My counsellor functioned very much like a coach, helping me to help my daughter and keep it together at the same time.

I hear you when you say you don’t want to break up with him, but I’m wondering how he feels about this. Have you two spoken about next steps? 
Kind thoughts to you