My daughter is angry at the world and me

[blondguy]

Hey Everybody. I ma really stuck and need advice with my daughter. I love her to bits but she is angry at the world and me. I have been on the forums since January and being an old guy I just thought I ask for some help. Here is some background...if you can help me

• She gone all gothic and weird...post natal depression...wont talk about it or accept any help...
• Dyed her long blond hair jet black and wears a lot of black and umm...self injured last year when she couldnt see her married BF..
• She sent me a MMS of her 'injuries'...that really hurt to see
• Has just had a baby to her boss...he is married with 3 kids..and he has warned her not to say anything
• she asked me to borrow my 2007 XR8 when she had her car impounded and I said no...Now I am evil for saying no
• i did mention that under 25's cant drive the XR8...she didnt care...she just wanted to use it..I still said no...
• Christmas day 2015 I turned up with presents at her place and she said.."I have had a late night...can you come back tomorrow"?

I use bullet points so it would be easier to read and respond to. (I cant stand mega paragraphs) Do I just give her space...or just a phase?

She lives 10 minutes away and has 2 great kids to 2 different dads. I daughter who is 3 and her new baby son who is about 3 months..She doesnt do drugs. She wants everything now ....Platinum Foxtel...Leather lounge....VE SV6 Commodore.....and the single mums pension of course.

I spend a lot of my time on the Depression/Anxiety threads....but I am lost here....should I just let her find her own way? Any thought/opinion would be gold to me right now.....also...whats an emo?....and yes Im serious..is it a dark and depressed person?

Thankyou for reading and please do respond if you can help...Have a great weekend too!

My kind thoughts and respect

Paul 🙂

[james1]

Hi Paul, thanks for your reply and I'm really glad you're so open as well.

I forgot to add last time that I do also remember the times when my parents have tried to reach out to me, and even if I pushed them away at the time, it was nice to know that they cared.

So certainly I think youre doing all you can by giving yourself the attention you deserve and keeping an eye out for your daughter so she knows you're there for her.

James

[geoff]

dear Paul my good friend, I have read all the replies back to you and everyone feels so sorry that this situation has happened, it's a thought that no one who has children would never want to occur.
Paul I know what you have to cope with, so I admire your strength and how you respond to people on this site who post in wanting our help and support to their many problems, it's incredible, but deep down you have this loss of contact with your daughter and g/daughters, and if I were in the same position I don't how I would be able to cope.
I was once in the a situation where my youngest son didn't want anything to do with me after the divorce and house was sold, but at that stage I was deep in depression, so the impact on me was nothing like it is for you, because depression just loves sad times joining it, to add on to what you already have.
I tried many times to ring him but the phone was engaged or he just hung up on me, so this continued for weeks seemed like months or perhaps it was, so I just went back to drinking more alcohol, as I was doing in depression, so the pain I wanted to go away, but it didn't, all it did was to make me cry more and to make me more melancholic, so alcohol was just making everything worse.
I decided to go to down where he was living and that stage there were 4 or 5 friends living with him, so I was welcomed by his friends and finally saw my son and slowly then the ice broke, but not my depression.
Sometimes when kids aren't allowed to use something which you have denied them, there is a possibility that they will contact you in the future, especially as her children begin to grow, where she may need a baby-sitter.
I know what pressure you are under at the moment but you are our friend and love to have you on this site.Take care my good dear friend. Geoff. x

[blondguy]

Hi Sharny, thankyou so much for your support and being there. Your kind thoughts mean heaps right now. It is a tough one. Paulx

Wednesday, Love your wisdom, thanks for being there. Paulx

[blondguy]

Hey James, I really liked what you wrote in your last post......"I forgot to add last time that I do also remember the times when my parents have tried to reach out to me, and even if I pushed them away at the time " it was nice to know that they cared."

Thanks James....That makes it clearer even again. Nice1

Hi Geoff, you are spot on...depression loves extra sad times joining it. Can be a real pain. It seems to happen to so many people including yourself. I think its a real day by day process. You did well with your youngest son though....in the end it worked out. Your kind support is greatly appreciated and welcomed right now. Paulx

[Petra]

Hey BB buddy!

I'm guilty for pushing my Mother away at various stages of my life, to varying degrees. Today, I can't even remember why? I've experienced the same treatment from my daughters too. At one time, one was pushing me away and the other pulling me close. Eventually, they chose to live with their father after deciding it was me to blame for the divorce. Usually happens to the men, hey?! I was gutted. It was exhausting, and I cried a lot, and often. It seemed special occasions such as birthdays and Xmas were good opportunities to sink the boots in. One day daughter "2 did turn up to a family celebration, blond hair died black, cut in a way that looked like she had been caught in the wind from all directions. I opened the door with horror and said "what have you done to your hair?" I reacted in the way my daughter wanted me to. I loved her blond hair and she knew this. She won again. I proved her right again. She could justify continuing to treat me in the way she wanted to. It took some years. The attitude started to soften, heavy makeup disappeared, and only just now the natural hair colour has returned to blonde, but only after all other colours were trialled! I too decided it best to take a step back because it was killing me. I'd ring or text their phones and leave a message of "hello, thinking of you" but I didn't ask anything of them. I never thought the day would come. Daughter #1 after saying she wouldn't accept a 'retread' (aka divorced man with kids) is now a proud step-mum to 3 children and ringing me for advice! I bite my tongue the same way my Mother, no doubt, bit hers as she watched and advised me with my girls (eyes lowered here). You are right. You need to take care of yourself first. You need to place the oxygen mask over your nose first in this flight my friend. In my experience 'children come back'. Eventually, in some capacity. We hope this is sooner than later of course. We hope it's in a functional way. It may take some time. Be there for her. Let her know this. Don't push. She's not doing drugs. Her harming herself does scream 'help' to me. Perhaps let her know this is what you believe it is, and see how she responds? I hope this has helped.

Wow! I've really exposed my belly here, but you're worth it. Hope this has been of some help, to you and others.

Your cheerleader, Pet. 😊

[Apollo_Black]

Hey Paul

Sorry I can't be much help for you here - this is all something I'm yet to face. As you know I'm going through a similar journey to you with my marriage.

I just wanted to lend my support for such a great guy who cares so much and the appreciation shown here is very evident.

Like I hope to do - the only thing I can suggest is to never give up, even when things so low you can't go on. Never give up on your daughter and just keep being there for her.

You're a great bloke and If I could I would buy you a beer, or a coffee if you would prefer. Thinking of you mate

[blondguy]

Hello Petra, You are always a great help. Great reply and thankyou. It is interesting to read that I am not flying solo. I like the term 'retread' lol. I am glad your daughter 'came around' 🙂 I actually dont push her, I just leave her alone now. Thanks for taking the time to write. Your support is invaluable Pet. Hugs. Paulx (you made me smile with that cheerleader line)

Hey Apollo, To have a reply from you is a huge help on its own. I value the advice and counsel you have provided to me (and others) so much. Your support means heaps to me Apollo. All the best for you and your son too 🙂

[Guest_1055]

Hi Paul, known to me as Mr Woof

I know you are going through some heavy emotional times. I am guessing your loving heart hurts to see your daughter the way she is. Because you just want the very best for her. I am sorry Mr Woof. Here is a hug for you, because I know you like them.

Love

Shelleybelly xx

[blondguy]

Hey Shelleybelly

I really appreciate your support Shelleybelly...I have only just realised that there is only so much I can do. She is working part time and her married boss is the father. My daughter being 23 can do what what she likes...no matter what I say...she is an adult...I can only be here for her.

Her boss has a family and kids....I dont have a macho attitude/ego so there would be no point in me 'visiting' him. My daughter has some lessons to learn here. I also have to look after myself first...

Bless your heart Shelleybelly for your support...Much Love too

Mr Woof! xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Mr.Woof,

I found your thread only to be opened to more detail of what I already knew was a hard and heartbreaking situation.

Everyone has given great heartfelt advice. Taking care of yourself is certainly a number 1 priority.

I think though that part of taking care of yourself should include letting out how you feel about what's happening with your daughter. By sending you the photos she did she has involved you in the darker side of how she feels right now.

Perhaps write a letter to her explaining how you feel and emphasising that you'll be there for her and the kids whenever she is ready.

If not a letter then start a journal and write what you feel. It will help to get it out.

Big hugs and love to you. You are a great Dad.

Carol xx