It's over. Feel like giving up.

[Guest_223]

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever done in my life. To be honest rather than be helpful to me it has created more traumatising events in my life and I feel I need to avoid society. I'm never contacting a helpline again, not talking to the local mental health team, I'm going to full on avoid society, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, no matter what they are or how serious they are, and even when I don't feel safe like at the moment I won't be making the mistake of telling anyone of any plans or terrible thoughts.

[Guest_223]

Yes I always try to think of my kids. That's what keeps me going most of the time.

[Guest_223]

If I answer honestly it would get me into trouble. It's a complicated situation I'm in but I do have a supportive partner although it gets lonely when there is only so much he can give.

[Guest_223]

Yes I agree support is very hard to find. "Muddle along" iS exactly what things feel like at times.

[Guest_989]

Do what you need to do to make it work, no judgement

[Doolhof]

Hi Azbox,

You asked where I volunteer. I help out with the local country fire service. I used to go out on the trucks but now my back is cactus, I help out in the communications room. Some of the people there have been understanding and visited me during my last hospital admission.

During one meeting, I was on a bit of a weird trip due to some medication. Everyone accepted my weird behaviour and the meeting continued on regardless.

I also volunteer one day a week in an Op Shop. I wasn't sure if they would want me back after I had been to hospital, but they were okay with that. No one there mentions my mental health issues so that is okay. I tried to speak with one lady, she told me that seeing as I was there I must be okay now.

So I left it as that. As you mentioned, we need to do what works.

[Guest_989]

That's good work to be a volunteer.

There will always be people who judge people with mental illness, but for the most part most understand

I was embarrassed to return to work after my hospitalisation, but the more work colleagues I talk to the more I realise a lot of people struggle

Keep your head up!

[Guest_223]

Depression is setting in again, there's nothing I can do about it. I feel at such a low point again. I stopped some medication so it's probably my fault but honestly what's the point of feeling sick in the stomach all the time from it. I don't even care anymore. I just want everything to end. Honestly feel like there's no point in keeping on going much longer.

[Guest_223]

I don't even know what the point of seeking help is anymore. I feel like I can hardly say anything. Everything is so dark. The title of this thread really does say it all. I feel so low, tired, no energy and in so much emotional pain that I can't see any other way out of this than hurting myself. It's sad to think that I have almost no trust in anyone.

[james1]

Hey missmara,

I can see you've been struggling for such a long time. You must be really exhausted and it really comes through in your posts.

I wanted to reassure you that these feelings of wanting to give up are totally understandable. You're feeling very emotionally burnt out and when we are emotionally tired, it makes sense to want to just stop and give in.

But there is an alternative which, in the long run, works out better for yourself and your lovely children.

Let's start small.

You mentioned you stopped taking your medication because of the side effects. Unfortunately, stopping medication often causes a kind of withdrawal similar to what you're experiencing now. If you didn't do this after consulting your doctor, can you have a chat to your GP again soon? They will know of alternatives that can help you with less side effects.

We don't have to think of it as seeking help since you are simply reviewing what medication you were already on, with a doctor who already knows your history. That would be a great first step because the GP can also help think of a longer plan for you, so it's not something you need to worry about yourself.

James

[Starwolf]

Hi Missmara,

We haven't "met" before but I just read through your thread. Seeing you in such pain makes me want to sit a while with you in this virtual space. I hope you don't mind.

What concerns me is that you have stopped some medication because of nasty side-effects. I'm with you, being in so much emotional distress, the last thing you need is to feel physically sick too. But it leaves me wondering...have you told your prescribing doctor how the medication made you feel ? We are all different so react differently to everything. There is no way your doctor could know how you are affected if s/he isn't told. It can take several attempts before finding medication and dosage that actually suits your needs. Perhaps trying a new type could help ?

The reason why I am bringing this up is because I read that- even though puzzled by your psychiatrist approach- it didn't sound like you asked him questions that would have been justified and relevant. Explanations would have helped ease your mind and hopefully end the confusion. Those professionals are also there to answer any queries you may have. It is part of their job.

May it be your mind or your body, you have a say on how it is treated, literally.

Tell me if I am barking at the wrong tree here. It is just a question on my mind and I know what disastrous effect stopping medication can have. It didn't seem to be helping much anyway so perhaps it is time to swap it for another alternative ?

What do you think ? Is this something you could do to help you move on to a better place ?

As for feeling exhausted and disheartened, having been there myself, I understand what sitting in a dark pit with hopelessness as sole companion feels like. Sometimes, despair stops us seeing a way out. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I wouldn't be here connecting with you now if it didn't.

My thoughts are with you.