I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

Wednesday's thread is called "unsure what to do" and can be found in the Long Term Support over the Journey section.

I'm sorry you've been let down by your friends. It is a shame you didn't get the chance to tell them of the progress you have been making. It is hard for people who have never been depressed or had anxiety to understand what it is really like.

You've changed a lot since I first met you. You seem to have more energy. You are getting up and doing things, you finished your course. You are doing great. Don't let these girls control you lovely.

Don't give up on friends either, you just need to find the right ones.

You've got a lot to give. Keep positive. Hugs xx

[Airies]

Hi MF,

another one here batting for you in this corner. We are so hard on ourselves at times. Carol and others are so articulate and say the right things with such sincerity. I can only try but for what's it's worth you have another friend here. No one knows what it's like to be in our shoes.

People have the capacity to change at any age. I feel that I'm reinventing the wheel, occasionally it stops, moves forward , goes back but progress is being made. From reading over your posts you've made progress, great inroads but I know what's it's like to beat oneself up and sweat the small stuff though at the time it was huge, a calamity so I'm not making light of the way you feel at the moment. I envy you and take my hat off to you with regards to finishing your course and other achievements.

Im a mad gardener, have one of those small upraised metal veggie plots - rather small but it does the trick. I had massive plans in one of my many frequent mad ideas of expanding my patch to include half my back lawn. In a rare moment of common sense I realised I'm had pressed in managing the garden that I have yet alone making more work for myself..

My driving skills have gone down the gurgler as well and my wife literally clawing at the car door handles these days and she is the sane one in the relationship.its easy for me to say don't be too hard on yourself but it's true. Don't be afraid to be kind to yourself. You are deserving, you have many friends here who have walked a mile in your shoes, I'd be honoured if you considered me another one here,

hugs cheers Len

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Len and Carol 🙂

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've abandoned my facebook, since I'm always told what I should and shouldn't post, since I'm such a cruel person for expressing myself, apparently ( another gem from a “friend”

I'm just so over life right now

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

It sounds like you need a few changes in your life so that you'll be happier. Have you looked for any social groups nearby that you can join or perhaps look up the meeting place groups to see if there's one near you of interest. I just think you have the wrong friends. The good thing about meeting new people is that you can be whoever you want. That way they can't be cruel and use your illness against you. Hopefully you will find some good friends that eventually you can share your story and they will support you properly.

Who knows, you might even meet the love of your life in one of the groups.

Think positive. What can you change to make your life better?

Love me

[Music_Freak]

I'm too introverted to put myself out there and meet new people, I think. I've got used of having no one now, it must be my destiny after so many squashed dreams.

I exist...that's about it

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

Is that what you want though lovely?

Every time you write regarding friends you sound very sorrowful. I have gotten the impression that you would really like to have some good friends that genuinely care for you.

If so, this is something you can mention to your GP and can get referred to a counselor or psych to help you get to where you need to be to meet new people.

Everyone deserves to feel cared for.

There's help there if you want it.

Me xx

[Music_Freak]

No, I do want them, it would be great, considering my family situation.

But the way I always lose them and have had to watch everyone else have them, I've just had to come to the conclusion that it will never happen for me, like the job and all my other squashed dreams.

I can't see my psychologist because her hours conflict with my voluntary work/work for the dole. Maybe when that finishes. My job network place has booked me in with their counsellor, but I couldn't go today because of a migraine. I don't think they believe me, but my own family don't

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

I am really happy to hear that. I know that losing friends after you try really hard can be disheartening too. It's all a numbers game though, you have to go through a lot until you find the few that really fit with you.

Sometimes when you meet new people you need to be careful how quickly you give information to them about you. Try and keep the conversations light until you know if you really click. This way if you don't feel it is right or they are not sharing more you can keep them as that friend to just have an occassional coffee with.

I hope that makes sense. Meeting partners is the same, just a numbers game until you find one that clicks. The issue with both is how you manage rejections. This is important because you need to be able to do this in order to move to the next number without feeling defeated. This is where I think you could get some assistance on how to not let the rejection affect your self value.

I think you should definitely try lovely. I can see you being a very loyal friend. Perhaps a meeting place group where they have similar interests or ones for people with depression and anxiety to start as you know they may be nervous too and are likely to be kind.

The only person who knows that you're not confident is you. If you want to meet people just go up to them and say hi. Ask if they have bern to this type of group before and let the conversation go from there. Talking about your interests like your love of music is good.

The other thing I realised is that most people (not all, but most) are more worried about how they look themselves than how you do. If you act confident even if you don't feel it people will just assume you are. The more you fake it, the easier it gets to feel more confident about yourself.

I am not saying that's easy but it is possible.

Maybe have a look online for groups that may interest you while you wait to be able to see your psych. Planning ahead is good. You might also find some tips on line for managing social rejection and tips when meeting friends.

I hope your migraine has eased and that you're feeling better. Sorry to hear others doubt you. Feeling very stressed about getting out can cause them too.

I have faith in your ability to find friends, you just have to want it enough to deal with the rejections. However you can get help with how to manage those feelings.

You have us here too to support you.

Kind thoughts, me xx

[Music_Freak]

I have messaged my friend again. I'll leave her be now and see if I hear anything on my birthday in November. I have a feeling I won't hear back though.

I don't know about the groups and stuff, it doesn't seem worth it, but maybe in the new year.

I hoping to nap because a certain furball, who is fast asleep now, kept me awake from 3 am. Naughty kitty

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

Just something to consider. Human contact even in a group environment can be surprisingly rewarding. I haven't seen many but my family for ages. At my daughter's birthday there were lots of Mum's here and just the social pleasantries (a lot of them I was meeting for the first time) really boosted my energy levels and I feel so much better just for having them be nice.

Hope you get some rest. Will chat in a few days time as I am off on holiday soon xx