I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Ggrand]

Hello MF,

Your whoopsie is me every night I shower,,I have only a small hot water tank and it empties in around 20 minutes, I can’t afford a larger one, I have emptied in on a few occasions..

It’s good you had a break this weekend from uni study, I feel you need to budget your days out so you can have a couple of days per week for you and buddy...just my thoughts...

Im sorry you felt ignored, I do follow your journey but at times find I get overwhelmed and don’t know what to say, it’s just that I don’t understand how uni works and can’t offer you any help...but bad me I still should have just popped in and said hello.....I do care about Narelle and enjoy catching up with you also on the walking thread..

I hope tonight is a good night for you, and you get plenty of restful sleep,,,,

Love and hugs...🤗🤗💜💜...

Grandy....

[Music_Freak]

I think I might have to try and keep the weekends mostly uni free (other than reading maybe). Will plan better after the holidays, hopefully.

Don't worry, I don't know how uni works either - I still feel like I'm muddling my way through the whole exercise.

Don't feel bad, I know people get busy with life and I wouldn't expect anyone to stay glued to my thread...that's the rational side of my brain anyway. The anxiety/depression side is a whole different story!!

I'm in bed with Buddy so I'm hoping I sleep OK too 🙂

[Guest_1055]

Hi Narelle and Grandy...

I am glad you like the virtual gifts Narelle.

Pinterest has lots of smoothie ideas. You could even add baby spinach to smoothies. When I use that you cannot really taste it.

Oats are super good for you. Do you like porridge? Mmm so yummy.

Properly is good you had a bit of a break from uni study. I am like Grandy, I do not know much about uni. Though I have thought about going and studying nutrition. You are doing social work are you?

Long hot showers are nice. Putting lit candles in the bathroom is special. That can have a calming affect.

Have a good day tomorrow Narelle.

Shell

[Music_Freak]

I am quite a fan of porridge in the morning on cold days - so is Buddy! I always leave a tiny bit in my bowl for him to clean up 🙂

I've just googled how to add oats and the way to get a smooth texture in smoothies is to soak them first, so I've just put some in milk in the fridge. I will try and improve one meal from now on. Hopefully I can afford to keep it going. Next is starting to use my bike, weights and yoga, and the other meals of course

I will be doing social work, but currently I'm in an identical different degree.

I never thought about candles in the bathroom, that sounds nice. I gave myself a bit of a head and neck massage tonight and that felt great even after the shower.

Back to uni study in the morning, I have an assignment due this week that I have yet to start, thankfully it's only short. I think studying nutrition is a great idea, by the way 🙂

[Music_Freak]

Every day feels like a wasted day lately, I only did half of a 500 word assignment.

My diet has gone down the crapper again too. I need to start looking after myself better, there's no one to do it for me.

I need a good kick up the butt, that's for sure

[Guest_1055]

How did you study go today Narelle? I am actually doing a course on a whole food plant based lifestyle. Which includes a bit of nutrition and how to prepare whole food using plants. It is not the level of uni like yours though.

Your smoothie sounds really creamy and filling. Did you put fruit in it then?

Oh that is cute... I am guessing that Buddy likes the creamy milky texture of porridge. What is the colour of Buddy’s fur? I used to have a cat a while ago, she was pretty much all black. Her name was Taomi.

I like your desire to do all that exercise. Did you manage to do some?

Do you like “ Whatever it takes” by Imagine Dragons? Currently I am listening to that. I watched a person jumping on a mini tramp while listening to that. I was so inspired that I bought that song on iTunes and have been exercising to that. It has such good rhythm. Maybe you could listen to that as you ride your bike, if you like the song.

Did that massage you did on your head help your brain? I was thinking it would. Especially if you have been using it to study stuff.

Oh yes candles are very much calming. Have you got one?

Have a good day tomorrow Narelle.

[Guest_1055]

No kicking from me.. only an encouraging smile to you.

[Music_Freak]

Yep, frozen blueberries, (quick) oats and protein powder. Reading your posts actually reminded me to soak some in milk. They make the smoothie thicker, so I'm not sure I'm a fan yet, but tomorrow is only day 2 of drinking them, I'll give me some time to get more used of it.

Buddy is black, he has about 20 or so white chest hairs and some pubes 🙂

I've not heard that Imagine Dragon's song, but I will have a listen.

I'd have to buy some candles, not sure where I'd put them, but I'll figure something out, if I get around to buying them.

This 500 word assignment is about politics. I have less than zero interest, so I'm stuggling. I have to do a 2250 word essay about politics which is due at the end of October - that'll be painful!!

The massage just felt nice mostly. I did think about buying one of those plastic knobbly massagers for the shower, but I wonder how it would go with my hair, would it just tangle it etc.

[Music_Freak]

HOLY WOWSERS!!!!

I just got an email saying that I got approved for a study grant from the uni!! It's $1000 a semester and will be SO MUCH HELP!!!

I'll be able to buy textbooks and have enough money to eat and pay my bills (things have been that bad a few times over the last 8-ish weeks).

I'm actually happy and feel like nothing is going to ruin my buzz (except for my headache, but I'm going to pack up and go to bed in a second, so that should help)

[Ggrand]

Hello Narelle,

Im really so very happy for you...I think that this will ease a lot of stress and tension for you which will make studying a little easier for you....maybe enjoyable..

Buddy sounds really cute..

Narelle, I have lots of candles in my lounge room on the coffe table, when I’m really struggling I will light around 5-6 of them and just sit down and watch the little flames dancing around..I like to light them best of a night with the lights out....

Im sorry about your headache. I’m wondering if you have tried putting a cool damp hand towel, or tea towel or cloth around your the back of your neck....The cool handtown usually works for me....maybe you could try, maybe headaches are from neck strain/ stress etc...just my thoughts....

I am really very happy to have heard your good news today...

I hope you have a great night sleep tonight, and tomorrow will be better then today...

Good luck with your assignments Narelle, my interest in politics is absolutely non existent....

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..