I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I thought I'd be asleep before now (9:45pm) I felt so emotionally exhausted earlier...oh well, I've taken sleep meds.

I'm off to the vet in the morning with Buddy for his much re-scheduled re-vaccination and check up appointment. I still can't really afford it, but can't put it off anymore. At least it's not meant to be raining when we're walking (he's TERRIFIED of the car, even when it's idling - won't go near it).

I just hope I can get some sleep. I could do with some purr therapy, but furball is in another room.

[Music_Freak]

I'm struggling with everything lately...sleeping, uni work, eating, drinking enough water, looking after Buddy.

I just don't know if anything's worth it...

I ignored a call about what I think was cleaning work, as much as I need the money and everything else, I just know I wouldn't manage doing it with uni...I can barely manage uni now...

[Music_Freak]

Well, it wasn't a job... I just found an email from a new consultant at my job network place. Ugh!

Why are they even contacting me when I'm enrolled in full time study?! I'm confused...

[Music_Freak]

Well, I don't know where the last 4 days have gone really, but nobody has written replies, so it doesn't really matter.

It turns out my job network place is claiming the can help with bus tickets, petrol, and get this...textbooks costs - I'll believe that one when I see it!!

I've got to revise the last four weeks of 2 subjects for quizzes, so I'm going pretty full on. Worked on revision from 10-4 today...I barely have any days off (maybe one a week if I'm lucky) - too much to do! I haven't been taking notes from lectures or reading many readings, so catching up now as part of revising.

I clearly suck at this uni stuff...I can't seem to do everything I need to 😞

[Birdy77]

Hi MF,

It sounds promising that you may get some help with costs, I hope it comes through.

How did you go with the disability access plan?

Sorry you haven't had any replies this week ... life happens. I've had bushfires around our house this week, so I've not been around. It doesn't mean you don't matter.

[Music_Freak]

It's fine about replies...I've been crazy too. This thread is slowly turning into a diary for me, I've noticed lately.

I haven't done anything about the access plan, I'm hoping I can fit in a doctor's appointment next week and organise it when I've got a bit more time...too busy with revision right now. I did 10-4 again today, had to stop because my stomach started hurting (it's better now, luckily)

My brain hurts and any free time I once had is gone...

[Music_Freak]

Today was the first completely uni free day I've had since I started. No reading, planning or thinking about it - nothing.

I felt a bit lost so I mowed my lawns and looked at real estate again

Back to the grind in the morning. I have to catch up on a subject I've been neglecting, hopefully I'll have caught up by the end of the week...and have kept up with the work from the other three!

[Music_Freak]

I think it's time I took a break from here...I'm nothing but a broken record and no one is really posting here and I'm finding myself getting pre occupied with checking here and being disappointed when there's no replies.

Plus, all this just strengthens the negative thoughts, and I don't need that on top of uni stress...

Bye for now folks, I'm not sure when I'll be back full time but I might pop in after the 17th when my not really holidays start. I say not really because I have assessments to do during the holidays...yay 😞

[Guest_1055]

Hi Narelle... I am really sorry you feel disappointed. It is not a nice feeling that one.

Just wanted to know how you went with that smoothie you mentioned that you were going to make. The one with the oats in it?

I have been making a particular smoothie, to help me consume omega 3. It has ground flax seed, frozen raspberries and coconut water.

Is there anything you can do to help yourself not feel so stressed? Do you have a bathtub? If we had one well I would be soaking in it right now actually.

Have you got one Narelle? Please be careful with the feelings of stress, because it can make us sick.

I am not sure when you will read this or see these virtual flowers, a box of virtual sewing fabrics ( maybe you could make use of them) and here is a virtual fresh fish for Buddy. Hope you and your cute kitty cat like them.

Shell

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for replying Shelley. I needed to read it and have the “I'm not being ignored” feeling reinforced 🙂

I haven't started the smoothies yet, I haven't googled how to add the oats yet, so tomorrow I might just do a fruit/protein powder one.

I don't havea bath sadly, but I do like long hot showers, even if the hot water runs out (whoops). When/if I buy a place I want a spa bath.

I took the weekend off from uni study and I think that's helped the stress, I just hope it doesn't come back tomorrow 10x worse.

I loved all the virtual gifts and so did Buddy 🙂 He LOVES chicken and tuna