I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Wednesday]

What the! Excuse me.... dumb, I beg your pardon, what did you just call yourself? Please rephrase! Emmy you're good at this can you help Narelle out here?

Dreaming is the first step think, imagine it, do it. Have you ever made a picture board where you put on pictures etc all the things you would like? They work, no it is not daft! You send signals to your brain every time you look at it and your very clever brain will subconsciously see opportunities that you hadn't noticed before, things will change.

By the way did you read Dr Kim's post I mentioned before?

Dumb, ptshh...

xx

PS I'm a bit nervous about you using cat poop on your vegie garden?

[Emmy.]

Narelle you may find Pinterest helpful for some vision boards or even make your own ...get some old magazines and cut out pics. I think this is a great idea of Wednesday's.

Also...you're not dumb at all. Can I say I really admire you. You've done your myob course you're working, you're doing the garden - yes it may be tough but hun you're doing it! if that were mean I'd be avoiding it all. I do avoid all. So I'm my opinion you're a star. Try to turn the thoughts around ...try and be proud that you're learning new things. "Try and catch the positive in every moment". Xx

[Music_Freak]

I'm leaning towards greenery for the garden beds (ferns etc, I think they'd be pretty against a silver corrugated fence), but I wouldn't mind some veg in pots, if that's possible.

I know cat poop isn't good for edible stuff 🙂

Thanks Emmy. I only wish I was doing paid work, but I am going out and doing something, I guess, even if it's unpaid. The outdoor/garden fix up is long overdue and house stuff is needed to clear the bad memories of my mum dying in this place, even just a little. It'll cost a few thousand though...I did wonder if it was worth improving this place...

But I still haven't re-organised the carport guy callout 😞

[Music_Freak]

I went for my first drive in ages, it was just around the block basically...I did SO bad!!

Makes me wonder how I even got given a drivers license! I can't park, turn right onto main roads or drive into my driveway.

Thankfully, I'm catching a bus tomorrow! I was going to go out for a drive again on Wednesday, but I'm not sure I should...

[Emmy.]

Hi Narelle good on you for getting out there and giving it a go though. Is there something affecting your driving (pain or a medication you're taking) or is it to do with anxiety. For a while I couldn't drive on freeways (would have panic attacks) - i may have told you this before and my psychologist taught me to ground myself. Is this something you could consider doing? If you're not confident could you perhaps ask someone to go with you for a drive just whilst you rebuild your confidence. Emmy x

[Music_Freak]

I could have been tired (I'd just got home from voluntary work), I guess, or it was nerves/anxiety. I don't think it was meds, but I guess that can't be totally discounted since I'd taken painkillers earlier in the afternoon.

I'll see how I feel on Wednesday, I'm not going to force it, I can do everything on Friday. I will try the grounding thing (I think you have mentioned it, but I forgot about it...damn it)

I don't feel so crap(py) now, since I'm in bed and Buddy is snoring next to me 🙂

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

I can't drive at the moment because of my pain killers. However even when I could drive I am far more nervous than I used to be. I get nervous in busy car parks and in heavy traffic where those things never worried me before and I have never been a fan of street parking between cars. I feel more confident again now but can't drive again so I will probably have to through getting used to it all over again.

My point is that it may just take time. Driving around a quiet block is a good start, drive a bit slower if traffic allows it. Take it easy.

Best wishes for next time xx

[Music_Freak]

I'm feeling like hiding from the world again...

When I read about Emmy taking a break from here, it made my stomach drop a little, I guess after Sherie leaving the forum, Emmy's news set off the “everyone's leaving me” voice in my head. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Emmy, but I'll miss her being here

I'm in bed and don't plan to do much at all, until Thursday...and I was going to go for a drive tomorrow...doubt it now

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I am here for you and I am not going anywhere. No matter what happens I intend to stick around.

I know it can be unsettling especially with two of your biggest supporters leaving but you're not alone. I am confident they would both want you to continue the great progress you have been making.

Don't give up hun. Besides the more you practice driving the easier it will get. It will also make Wednesday smile and she could use that right now being in hospital again... you know how she growls too (yep like a sweet kitten haha but still...).

I hope you go tomorrow lovely.

Take care xx

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for the reply Carol, it means a lot that you'll be sticking around 🙂

I'm feeling better today, I had Buddy sleeping next to me all night and woke up with his nose not far from mine, which was cute and just what I needed

Wednesday will be pleased...I went for a drive to put air in the tyres and to a nearby $2 shop. I avoided busy main roads, but still went. I'm glad to be home through, I got pretty stressed out