I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Wednesday]

Oh that is wonderful news. How funny, but you're are not an idiot. Did you read Dr Kim's post back to Wakai senshi 14/9 on neural pathways:

...neurobiological research shows that “neutrons that fire together , wire together”. What that means is that the more you think and behave in a certain way, the more automatic that becomes for your brain. Your challenge is to change the “automatic response” from “I feel sick and anxious and this doesn’t help so I’m going to stay home" ( and picture the “terrorists “ in your brain celebrating the victory as they succeeded in getting you to think the way THEY wanted !!) I know this is hard , but I’m going to survive the temporary discomfort and do this” ( and picture your healthy brain celebrating its victory over the terrorists!!) .

If you haven't have a read, it makes a lot of sense.

You can now have a fabulous weekend. More DIYing perhaps? xx

[Music_Freak]

I sorted some junk in my backyard, so now I have one pile and a bed (that Buddy likes to jump on so he can see over the fence) to get rid of, instead of three or four piles.

There's more I could do, but for now I'm happy enough. Not sure I can be bothered doing anymore today anyway

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

I am really pleased to read that you got our there and did stuff. Does the local council do hard rubbish collections? Don't you just love how opportunistic animals are, go Buddy.

You are still doing it, you champion!

xx

[Music_Freak]

Yep, they do.

I'm not sure Buddy would like me getting rid of the bed though, I might have to put a wheelie bin or something in the spot...since my furbaby is a huge nosey parker 🙂

[Music_Freak]

Weeding today...now I'm exhausted and it's only 1pm! Shame I'm not finished, but oh well, next weekend. I always do nothing on Sundays, I'll start the car, but that's it

Buddy's been out about 4 times, so now it's onto hibernating and looking at more house stuff

[Wednesday]

Well done, weeding can be tougher than it looks, at least the ground should be soft with all the rain of late. As your fitness increases you'll be less tired, though it is a good tired isn't it. Maybe there is a vegie garden in the making out there???

Don't you think it's great though that you are doing things around the place. Are you getting that nice feeling of satisfaction that you can see things changing?

If you think back to a month ago you and your doona were besties and now you are moving around doing things. I call that major success. Happy weeding and cleaning, it's almost like you are throwing out the old and making room for fabulous new times, nice! 🙂

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, it was soft and easy, but still tiring. I slept for about 3 hours and so did Buddy 🙂

I'm not sure what I'll put there yet, I'll have to spend a little while prepping the soil anyway, I use cat poop/used wood pellet litter and vegie scraps, so I'll figure something out

I'm happy I'm doing stuff, there's lots to do, I just have to stay motivated to get it done...

[Wednesday]

YOU are doing it! xx

[Music_Freak]

Not really, I seemed to have stalled a bit with everything. I'm at the looking and dreaming stage and hoping I have the money and my dad will help. I've spent the last few hours watching various youtube videos trying to understand stuff, but I'm too dumb

I'm trying not to think about much today because it's exhausting...I do feel bad that I'm not on other people's threads much. I read, but posting isn't happening much

[Emmy.]

Oh Hun don't feel bad about not posting. I know that feeling recently and honestly sometimes you've just got to look after yourself. Try to get through each day. Put your thoughts down on your own thread! We all still love you and we all come back to each other eventually. Take it easy today hun. Xx