I feel alone and I don't like the life I have

[mg24]

Hi, this is my second thread. I just have some other feelings I kind of wanna talk to someone about. (i'm 14)

I feel really alone. I don't have a best friend, but I don't have any other friends either. I hang out with this group but only because I've been with them since year seven and I don't want to look like a loner. There aren't really any people I can hang out with from my grade, I've definitely tried looking. It also feels like everyone thinks I'm a loser, people don't want to text me or talk to me at school. I'm part of two sport teams and I still can't find anyone. I know that friends will 'present themselves in time' and all these other things but I don't want to be alone for four years. I don't want to have to keep my feelings to myself all the time and never be invited anywhere.

I also went to England last year to visit my family and I miss it so much. My family can't really afford to go often but I feel like my family is missing me grow up and there are so many things and experiences and relationships I want to share with them. I can't go during two week breaks because we generally go for three weeks plus and I can't miss any school but my mum says that the six week holidays are too expensive and we won't like the weather. I tried to get there another way by going through a student exchange to just escape for a bit and experience something new and meet new people, but my mum shut that down. I've tried coming at this at every angle all my mum says is that I need to get over it and look at what I do have and stop being s negative but I don't know what there is to look at! I have no friends or social life, I personally hate Australia (no offence), and I'm going through some really hard feelings alone so I'm not sure what great things she's talking about. I don't want to do this life anymore, I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my teenage years. My parents say that if I'm going through something I should tell them or just someone except I don't have anyone to tell and they always ignore my feelings. I told my mum I wanted to move after high school and my mum said she would never forgive me if I did. I cry almost everyday because I want to go back so badly and she knows how much I miss it, and she's still saying this. I don't want to have to move away and never see her but I hate it here. I have no idea what to do or where to go.

[mg24]

Hey cloe x OMG it was a guy from your school?!?! Sorry I just can’t believe someone would do that? Have you by any chance told anyone that’s not 14-16 years old?

Oooh those places sound nice. Italian and Spanish boys are the best looking 😏😉

ugh so not ready for school tomorrow. I have cross country 😭😭😭😭 for some reason cross country is making me sad. Not because it sucks but because while I may have people to walk around with I don’t actually want to be with them. I’m basically just there shadow and it makes me think what the heck am I going to do for the next three and a half years with no friends?!? People say there’s someone around the corner but realistically...

i hope your headspace appointment goes well! Some people just can’t book things like this but It can save them from so much. I’ll be thinking of you at 11!!

(your fourth guess was right 🙂)

[Chloe_M]

Hi Milly 🙂 yeah it was a guy from my school but he's a prick and he got expelled he did it to some other girls too. Yeah have told a few people that are adults but don't really talk about it much because it's kinda awkward...

yes I could come back with a really cute Italian guy and make my ex jealous lol 😂😉

damn I actually don't mind cross country but I have issues with my knees which means I can't actually run without them hyperextending (that means snapping back into the socket and then going further) it's kinda gross sorry.

Hey you're not a shadow you're the sun they are just averting their eyes because you shine!! 😘 I feel like if you talked to someone you sit with or in class, even for a bit, they might warm up to you and you to them. I dint know. I don't really know how to make friends I just talk to people and probs make them feel super awkward lol.

Ill be posting about the appointment in my thread, but if you'd rather not go searching for it I can tell you about it here (I probably will anyway).

xx hope your day goes okay

❤️

[mg24]

Hey Clo 🙂

Thank god he got expelled! Did the police ever find out? I'm glad you've told some adults, some people just keep it to themselves and it doesn't end up great.

Yes bring back and Italian guy!!!!!! Bring me a Spanish one 😉 Your knee sounds so sore! Will it get better? Haha put on your sunglasses everyone! I have surface friends, but with things I'm talking to you about, I can't really tell them.

Thanks for being there, how are things going for you? xx

[Chloe_M]

Yeah I think the police were involved not sure though 🤔

Yes if I go I will bring back some hot eurpoean dudes 😉 doubt my parents would like that but I would be 16 when we go so maybe...

my legs are just like that, they don't hurt only if I injure them, but when I'm dancing they look very nice apparently so no complaints there, I also get to sit out of athletics carnivals and PE sometimes and cross country.

With those surface friends maybe try strike up a convo with one of them, you never know what might happen. It took my a long while to be able to trust my best friends enough to tell them what I am going through. It takes time to build trust.

you're welcome, I'm really glad that we can talk so openly with each other, it makes me feel great, I'm guessing does the same for you, because you don't really have any close friends?

im actually going okay, really anxious for my appointment though 😬 Hahah have fun at school

x Chloe

[mg24]

Hey how was your day? Oooh lucky you get to sit out! I had cross country today I’m so tired!!!! To be honest I just don’t see it happening. I hate being like negative and stuff but to be honest I would call myself social I just don’t connect more deeply with people. Part of me kind of thinks it’s my fault because if just can’t seem to get it in all my years of school but I don’t know. I’m glad we can talk too though. How did your appointment go? What did you talk about?

[Chloe_M]

Hi! My day was pretty good actually. Hope you have a good nights sleep after all that running/walking lol.

It's not really your fault that you don't "connect deeply" with others, maybe you're just like that (and there's no problem with that) or maybe they are just afraid of your awesomness 😘😎 yeah I'm glad we can talk I feel like I am closer to you than others, maybe because we are dealing with issues that are pretty big?

If you want advice on connecting with people better, I'm not really the one to ask lol, but you can do online chat counselling with eHeadspace, they are good at helping with relationships, whether they are family, professional, romantic or friendships. It's available 24/7. Have used it before and is very helpful.

My appointment was actually great. I talked to the youth clinician. She just asked loads of questions about my life, sexuality, family, anxiety, depression, stuff like that. Also my interests, school. At the end she said that her and the team there would be discussing who the best person for me to see would be. She said I would,be probably seeing a psychologist though.

Have a good night, I'm just off to watch the Amazing Race 🙂

x how was your day?

[mg24]

Hey! Yeah I’m not sure, I mean I try. I think we connect to, it’s easier talking online sometimes. Headspace sounds okay how does it work? I’m really glad your appointment turned out okay! Have a good day at school xx

[Chloe_M]

Yeah I think we do too ❤️

eHeadspace basically you go onto their website and click 'chat with us online' or you can email them or call them. I think you have to fill out a survey and right a mini explanation of why you are using the service. (for the online chat) either a counsellor will talk with you straight away or you have to wait a bit and will be notified as soon as a counsellor is ready.

Hahaha I'm not at school i still have 6 days 😉

Hope YOU have fun at school x

Chloe 🙂

[mg24]

That sounds pretty good maybe I’ll email them. Hahaha right lol. Have a good day at home, your so lucky! Xxxx (my Netflix is freezing up 😭😭😭)

[Chloe_M]

Heya! I hate it when my Netflix does that it's so annoying. Hope it worked out okay for you lol.

I had a good day, my friend from across the road popped over and we had a pretty good time.

What did you do at school? Anything interesting or just same old same old? I used to like school but have lost interest in everything lately 😞

xx chlo