I feel alone and I don't like the life I have

mg24 · ‎10-04-2018

Hi, this is my second thread. I just have some other feelings I kind of wanna talk to someone about. (i'm 14)

I feel really alone. I don't have a best friend, but I don't have any other friends either. I hang out with this group but only because I've been with them since year seven and I don't want to look like a loner. There aren't really any people I can hang out with from my grade, I've definitely tried looking. It also feels like everyone thinks I'm a loser, people don't want to text me or talk to me at school. I'm part of two sport teams and I still can't find anyone. I know that friends will 'present themselves in time' and all these other things but I don't want to be alone for four years. I don't want to have to keep my feelings to myself all the time and never be invited anywhere.

I also went to England last year to visit my family and I miss it so much. My family can't really afford to go often but I feel like my family is missing me grow up and there are so many things and experiences and relationships I want to share with them. I can't go during two week breaks because we generally go for three weeks plus and I can't miss any school but my mum says that the six week holidays are too expensive and we won't like the weather. I tried to get there another way by going through a student exchange to just escape for a bit and experience something new and meet new people, but my mum shut that down. I've tried coming at this at every angle all my mum says is that I need to get over it and look at what I do have and stop being s negative but I don't know what there is to look at! I have no friends or social life, I personally hate Australia (no offence), and I'm going through some really hard feelings alone so I'm not sure what great things she's talking about. I don't want to do this life anymore, I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my teenage years. My parents say that if I'm going through something I should tell them or just someone except I don't have anyone to tell and they always ignore my feelings. I told my mum I wanted to move after high school and my mum said she would never forgive me if I did. I cry almost everyday because I want to go back so badly and she knows how much I miss it, and she's still saying this. I don't want to have to move away and never see her but I hate it here. I have no idea what to do or where to go.

Chloe_M · ‎18-04-2018

My holidays are still going, I'm only in my first week. We must live in different states if yours are done and mine are still going. They've been okay, but I have been quite depressed and anxious, just coming out of a depressive session that lasted for about 3 or 4 days. I haven't done much either lol.

if the people surrounding you aren't making any effort to get to know you, and you are, then they need to change. I feel like you're not the type of person to be a fake and change to please others (no offence if you are). I'm a people pleaser. I apologise too much for things I don't need to apologise for. I suck up to people. And I accept that. Sorry I just went off on a mini tangent like my history teacher does, telling us about schemers in the brain instead of WW1. And there I go again. Sorry 😬😂

What would you like advice on? I have a little in reply earlier, but I'm not that good with making friends, I had none in primary school. My mum said she asked me in year 2 who I played with at lunch and I said "no one mummy. I just walked around by myself. But don't worry, I liked it". This is an 8 year old saying this. She said it broke her heart. I spent most of 5th grade shelving books in the library. When I came to high school I knew no one and I was completely open and myself. Which is why I have so many friends now.

Id love to say in contact in this thread, I think we could learn from each other and help each other.

chloe 🙂

ps I'm 14 too but ssshh I don't think anyone would take me seriously if they knew how young I am 😉

mg24 · ‎19-04-2018

Hey! I’m from QLD, so maybe you are from a different state? Why have you been depressed, are you okay? I don’t think I too much of a suck up I find it hard to be anyone but myself but then again I can be quite self conscious as well. I’m learning and World War One as well!! Ugh I have no idea what I need advice on!!! I just don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t make any friends through the whole of high school. It’s such a long time to have to keep things to yourself and not go to parties and stuff. I just don’t know how to cope with missing my family either because there’s nothing definite about seeing them again either 😕 I told my mum I didn’t really have any friends and she said it broke her heart as well. I didn’t really have any friends in primary school either so I was super excited too meet people as well... except more than half of my primary school went to my highschool as well which didn’t really give me any options. I want to keep in contact too 🙂 it’s kind of cool that we’re the same age x

Chloe_M · ‎19-04-2018

Hi,

so you probs think this is stupid but im depressed because my bf who is also my best friend broke up with me. I know that sounds dumb cuzI'm only 14 right, but it's true. That combined with constant anxiety and my friends being horrible to me caused me to... Attempt suicide. I failed obviously but I'm still really bad.

So no I'm not okay, but I'm going to be. One day. The thing is I'm not allowed a bf so my parents don't actually know that I'm depressed. Which makes it hard for them to support me, because as far as they're concerned there's nothing much that needs support. But there's a lot really.

hope you had a good day at school lol, I'm in NSW so just over a week left of holidays for me 🙂

also don't worry if there are parties happening at my school then I certainly haven't been invited, but I reckon that's cuz I'd probably smash everyone on the dance floor 😉

Chloe x

mg24 · ‎20-04-2018

Hey chlo! I don’t really know what to say, it’s hard when you can’t hear someone’s voice but that’s terrible, do you u need anything cause your parents may not know but I’m here for you 🙂 I don’t that’s it’s stupid because your 14 but just think, you are only 14. Your gonna have a way more serious and meaningful relationship when your older. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you... try? He’s hurt you but some guy shouldn’t mean you stop just breathing and seeing your parents and finish school forever. I feel like my mum knows I need support she won’t or she just won’t admit it to herself. Ugh tbh school sucked. I just don’t have anyone to talk I’m so over it.

I guess we can just have our own party 😂

🙂 x

Chloe_M · ‎20-04-2018

Hey mg24! Haha thanks for being there 🙂

Yeah i keep telling myself that. i'm still a kid. but that doesn't stop it from hurting. He's also my best friend... life sucks hey.
sorry i don't really want to talk about... that... if you get my meaning. Too traumatic.

That's the same with my mum. She tries to relate to all my issues (that she knows about lol) and she just doesn't get it. She's not a psych. She should just listen to what i'm saying and believe me.

Yeah i can go for weeks without talking to people at school. But i guess there's a difference between not talking because no one wants to talk to you and not talking because you're depressed and hate everyone.

Yeah our own party sounds great. Anyone else want to come?

HEY PEOPLE ME AND MG24 ARE HAVING A PARTY BECAUSE WE DON'T GET INVITED TO PARTIES IN THE REAL WORLD. ANYONE INTERESTED? IF SO PLEASE BRING LOADS OF JUNK FOOD.

😉

xx Take care

Chloe 😄

mg24 · ‎20-04-2018

Hey! No I get it. People are always saying things will get better, your only young blah blah blah but they couldn’t be any more unhelpful! I’m living here not in the future I can’t just live a crappy life because ‘it will be better’. I mean we are young but this is the life we’re living right now. I’ve never really had a best friend so I get how important they are. I guess not having one kind of outlines all the things I could be doing or telling them. Sorry if I stepped over a line asking, I’m just trying to... understand it better I guess. Tbh I’m a 50/50 mix of why I don’t really talk. The first reason is no one really wants to talk to me. They will, but only if I’m the only person there. I’m more of a filler when peoples closer friends aren’t around. I once did this experiment where I was like “hey! If I don’t say anything all lunch break will anyone notice?” And no one even talked to me. On the off occasion someone asks if I’m okay, I’m not but I can’t just tell them and even if I wanted to firstly everyone is listening and if we were alone I wouldn’t trust you enough anyway.

My mum doesn’t even try to relate sometimes! Last time We had some weird fight about how I’m feeling and she told me to buck up! Those were her exact words. I’m trying to tell her how I feel, and why I’m so upset and she just says get over it! With your Mum believing you, it’s so true. They ask us what’s wrong and we tell them and they don’t believe us! My parents can tell something’s wrong so I say what it is and it’s not the right answer. For me the main problem is not being in the UK. I know we can’t move there but that doesn’t make it an easier. If she’s allowed to miss her family why is it any different for me?! If she goes without me I’ll never forgive her.

YASSS JUNK FOOD PLEASE!

Hooe your our feeling better ❤️

Guest_5921 · ‎20-04-2018

I don't have anyone to talk to probably in the real world as I can't seem to get anyone to talk to me.

I want to come to the party, but I can't as I am in hospital

Chloe_M · ‎20-04-2018

Haha yes I get you! Everyone's like "get over it it will be better think about the future" and Im like "hey I have anxiety, I think I think about the further waaaay to much". I'd just like to live for now and now only. I think about the past way to much as well. Tbh I'm never really thinking about 'the now' unless doing yoga or meditating.

You didn't step over the line at all, stepping over the line would be pressuring me to tell you or judging me. Don't worry about it. When I feel comfortable talking about it (not uncomfortable talking to you, it's just too traumatic) I will tell you.

wow your mum sounds like the opposite to my mum. But the not believing you thing. You got it in the bag lol. she asks me how I'm doing, I say I'm feeling anxious and its there all the time and she just doesn't believe me 🙄

I could do with some junk food... maybe eat some ice cream after dinner 🍧 I'm feeling much better now, hope you are going okay too xx

chloe 🤗❤️😄

mg24 · ‎20-04-2018

Yeah people say highschool doesn’t matter but ummm hello! It’s 6 years of my life! Good to know I didn’t step over a line. I think about everything way to much. When I’m going to bed, at lunch because no ones talking too me, when I’m walking to school, all the time. I’m just always thinking about my family in England and where I would rather be I just miss them so much. I’m probably not much help, but just bare with me 🙂 firstly I know it’s super hard and I hate it when people say it to me but just try and have a proper conversation and say I have anxiety not I’m anxious? I never wanted to cause it was so out of the blue so I talked to my Mum ability something else through text. You could have the whole conversation through text but I just explained to my Mum wat I wanted to talk about over text. (It was about something else though) idk though haha

Chloe_M · ‎20-04-2018

Yeah some people say high school is one of the most important part of a persons life. I agree lol.

yeah I'm queen of overthinking. You are helping, trust me, but sometimes just talking about irrelevant stuff is therapeutic too lol.

ive tried addressing the fact with my mum that I probably have an anxiety disorder, and depression, but she just tells me not to 'label' myself or 'put myself into a box'. She seems to think that I google symptoms of mental illnesses and align them with things that are happening to me. Like, why would I go onto this website and read about bipolar, then think 'oh, I was really happy yesterday but now I'm really depressed... I MUST BE BIPOLAR!!' It's kind of funny actually.

Well im off to watch yesterday's episode of Survivor lol. I will talk to you tomorrow 🙂

thanks for the help mg24,

chloe x