I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Moonstruck]

Hi all...I haven't been on here for a while..not like me..but things keep happening that 99% overwhelmed me but I didn't collapse into a weeping heap although I was on the outside.  First we had the huge Cyclone Alfred threat which was downgraded to a Tropical Low or whatever but did dreadful record breaking damage after it ""hit" or whatever.  One son on the Gold Coast thankfully no damage to house or flooding but huge worry...so many lives devastated.  also its 2 weeks exactly now since I will..hopefully be in Sydney for other sons birthday..its been overwhelming working out travel plans but think I have done it including airport shuttle etc...so many to choose from..still very nervous about it...but why why? When I was about 19/20 I went overseas, alone, and had various adventures and wasn't scared of anything...or panicky...what happened to my confidence? Is it part of becoming older? No one told me that! Am physically exhausted, two days running this week, Hot water system broken down..water getting cooler and cooler until realised something was wrong...next day scammer locked my computer, insisting they were my provider support and to ring a certain number....thank God didn't fall for that one but had no choice but to call Computer Expert I know to come and fix it!!!    How did I handle all this and will I be OK catching these flights to see my son?  what if I break down just before I go?

[quirkywords]

Moon

like you I travelled alone in my 20s to 50s

Now a trip to a child over 8 hrs by two trains takes heaps of planning. Also when I travel by any mode I tend to get gastric and it can be scary in a train or airport or on a plane. I just plod through my uncomfortable feelings. I have no answers but you are not alone.

All the best.

[Moonstruck]

I have to get my cat to the cat motel Thursday.  he hates the carrier and hides from me.  It is also too heavy for me to carry to the car. Neighbours in my units are even older than me and more infirm.  I have to sort of drag/lift him along the path.  I fly on the Friday morning without a stick if I need it to walk, which I do, as it won't fit in my suitcase, drive my car to my sisters, get cab to airport....change to connecting flight to Sydney Airport which I don;t know at all, hoping Shuttle bus I booked shows up and I can find it.

and that I am not in too much pain by this stage.  Outer suburb of Sydney for son's special birthday party ....home again few days later.  Panicked and filled with anxiety that "something will go wrong" I don't want to spoil his birthday and must be there.....very close, so looking forward to seeing, holding him but so tired from the organising plus other working commitments I have here before I go....wake up each morning in pain.  Think a lot of it is neuro linguistic....(originating via brain messages, not body at all...hard to explain here).  I am exhausted and can't sleep.  No one to help me with all this...that is a sad part in itself.  I need someone to help me with various things and no one is there....Moon S

[Paw Prints]

Hello Moon,

Lass you will sail through everything when it comes time to do.  If our lovely Croix were here he would tell you the same. 

You don't have to put your stick in your luggage.  A walking stick is considered a mobility aid & both Jetstar & Qantas allow them in the cabin, as long as they can be stored in the overhead locker, which is where a collapsible one is useful as it would definitely fit.  I bought my collapsible one from my local chemist, so they are easy to find.

Hugs

Paws

[Moonstruck]

Just to say I made it to the fantastic party for my son I hadn't seen for 3 years..also met up with second son and grandson. Amazing young (and not so young) folk, so much love and acceptance flowing despite the bleak weather.  The rain held off but no sun...the people brought their own sunshine...deep in a magical woodland,....yes the travel was hectic with flight home delayed for hours, was exhausted, in quite a bit of pain but sure that will lessen as I rest a bit here at home.....words can't describe what I was feeling to be with these 2 incredible men..my boys...so well liked by their friends...I had no idea they were so loved by others..I wanted to hold them both and never let go.....but here I am, at home again with my cat, who also had to survive an extra night at cat motel as my plane was so late. (they didn't even charge me for the extra night)...exhausted when I got home...but hey....I MADE IT.   ...Had to let you know, hope Croix sees this!  Moon S

[Croix]

Dear Moon (with a wave to all)~

Yes, I'm back just in time to read of your return. You are amazing. It was quite right to say when in one's 20's travel is not such a big deal, but as one gets older this does change, partly due to different modes of travel, buying tickets, looking at timetables and partly due to not having the same physical strenght and endurance.

Also doing this alone makes a huge difference.

Still you did as you always do, underestimate your own very considerable capabilities and then find you can cope with it all.

I"m terribly pleased for you that you made it in time and were with your two men who used to be boys. To be hit by the strenght of love in the atmosphere made by them , their families, children and friends is wonderful, showing the world is not as bleak as one might sometimes fear.

It also shows that your being their mother has had such a great influence on how they turned out. You can be proud not only of them but yourself also.

I'm sure the cat was immensely pleased to see you and will have forgotten the stay away (till next time:). I find having a furry companion helps one return to a home, not to a house. Mrs C feels the same

Paws is quite right, I use a solid wooden walking stick and they fit it in the overhead locker -and bring it out if I need to use the facilities in-flight. It is something airlines and the security people are used to.

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring.”

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Dear Croix....I am somewhat tentative in replying to anything on here atm...some weeks back answered Grandy about her pain and experiences and got a letter from moderators saying they were making slight changes (that's fine) not sure why and it never appeared at all..   I honestly didn't think it was anything particularly provoking and potentially dangerous to anyone reading, especially Grandy whom I wanted to support and send encouragement.    Anyway I get the feeling all my posts must be filled with sunshine and flowers, with no overflow into suffering or desperation at all.......it would have been nice to have at least some of my reply to Grandy printed...but looks like I am persona non grata!.......Moon S

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Sweet Moon,

No beautiful lady, you are not persona non grata!…..you are very much a very valued member of these forums…and very much loved as well…by myself and many others…

I did read a post from you this morning and have written a reply on my thread…I am so sorry that I haven’t been here for you on your thread..

[Ggrand]

Oh! Oops I meant to press something but pressed reply by mistake…my unfinished post 😂..Moon you’re love for your 2 boys, shines though your words..I could feel that love you have for them….sounds like you had a beautiful time while you were with them….I wish I could see my boys and their family more often…I am really happy for you that your time with them was filled will love and good memories…

I can’t use a walking stick right now…because I’m walking funny* with my back/leg/hip I’ve developed heal pain…😡…

I have never been in a plane…I need an escape route..open door (for example)…no matter where I go…even at home my back door is never closed..my front door is closed but never locked….My counsellor said it’s a ptsd thing….don’t do trains or buses either😁…

Moon, I love what Croix said.."Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring.”....wise words from a very wise and gentle man…

Sending you some hugs beautiful friend…🩷🤗🤗🤗..and everyone else as well..

Grandy.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

Please do not take the matter to heart, anyone's writing may have unintended references that may be seen by others. If you cast your mind back you will see the number of years you have been posting, and the very few times anything has been questioned.

On could ask for clarification at the time, otherwise how would you know what was the problem?

You have posted on heavy subjects in the past, and all has been well. I too have posted on heavy subjects and am subject to the same rules as everyone else.

So my advice is simply to keep writing as you do and see what happens. Anyway I'm sure you keep the more sensational parts so you can write them in your diary:)

It was a kind thought to support Grandy who has shown how much she appreciated it.

“The nicest feeling in the world is to do a good deed anonymously-and have somebody find out.”

Croix