I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~
The internet swallowed my last post on this subject and I am re-writing it as it is important. If you see two similar posts later on your will know the internet has finally let the original though. After my last post which was very general I read Grandy’s thread and suspect that you may have mentioned suicidal thoughts as the result of constant pain and lack of medical help. If I have misunderstood, please accept my apologies.

This is something that Grandy says she feels too and is also something I feel from time to time, both for the same reason.

I realize you are a very sensitive person and opening your innermost thoughts to a doctor can seem very daunting however I do strongly suggest you be firm with your doctor and set out clearly how the pain is driving you to have those thoughts and there needs to be a re-think on your pain regime to make it more effective.

There is so much more in life than having to endure constant pain
Croix

[Moonstruck]

No you didn't understand anything Croix...done nothing drastic but have new insight into why people do. Did I tell you I am off on my 2nd trip in the list (and last for a while) but only half way this time..to Brisbane then onto the Airport Bus to my other sons suburb. Done it many times.  He will already be overseas on business....my grandson who lives with him will be at a schoolmates house for a week,  then for 2nd week I arrive and do that

shift. Its hard being a single Dad...I was a single mum and a break is badly needed.   Son not aware of just how much pain I have...and I don't want him worried about him....it is a very important trip for him and i won't let him down.  Wish me luck....Please please God let the flights all be on time this time....is that too much to ask?? I can do this Croix can't I?   (and who would guess exactly a year ago I was star of the show??)  I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK...MY OLD MOONSTRUCK BACK.  MY OWN TWO LEGS BACK...ONES THAT WALK!!

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

My apologies for not understanding anything, I guess I was thrown off by you mentioning your missing post and Grandy's response. Hopefully the missing  post has now been restored.

It realy is a horrible way to be, and using a stick around the house is very limiting, I find it basically reduces me to only having one hand to use.  What I said about being firm with your clinicians still holds though, even if a new hip is not the answer pain relief can be better, as I've found out.

The new shorter trip sounds great, you are getting around, and you are right, being a single parent does put on tremendous pressure and any relief, even for a short while is a blessing.

As far as flights etc behaving themselves, I'm sure you are more than equal to any scheduling errors.

I also think that you will get reasonable relief if you keep on at the doctors and may once again by the star of the show:) -the old Moonstruck is still there.

Now this has nothing to do with anything but does rather reflect OW's mind:

"'Nature': a place where birds fly around uncooked"

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

Are you at your son's place with the grandkids now? I hope hte journey was trouble-free and that they are reasonably well behaved.

"Don't be discouraged if grand-children ignore your advice. Later on they will give it to their children"

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Hi Croix...I will be leaving next Sunday. I cannot let him down and make him cut short his overseas trip because I am in pain...I could never forgive myself. Had some news for you which has lifted my spirits a bit...thank God for that in itself I guess. On a friends recommendation I went to a Chinest acupuncturist (this friend described her condition which could be word for word for what I have endured...but exactly!!  She understood exactly where my pain was and the search for something that worked..It apppears I may have piriformis syndrome...I'd never heard of it either....its a small muscle in your gluteus maximum. (my butt). so I am the proverbial pain in the ass!!

Nothing to do with hip, or bone, or joint..its a muscle just under or near the sciatic (as you'd know sciatica is terrible too and the pain goes up and down your leg but mine doesnt)....it's just my "gluteus maximus" where the main inflammation is situated.  Of course with pain, it often seems to move around the whole area so at bad times my whole hip & pelvis area is painful...but its this tiny muscle apparently.   I will definitely go to the Chinese Man again...his massage alone was most effective I ever had.  My GP I doubt has even heard of this piriformis syndrome....she has diagnosed "wear and tear from old age"...oh really?  Please cross your fingers for me that I can handle the travel in 6 days time...grandson is a reserved lad, self sufficient and no trouble at all...he can look after himself (and the cat) just a bit young to be left alone for a long period...probably against the law also. Both he and my son need me...I have to be there don't I Croix?  I will have my foldup walking stick.  Please wish me luck........xxxxxMoon S

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

That sounds great, I really hope this is the cause of all the pain. A diagnosis of "wear and tear" is a bit too general to be of any use. Did that first visit to the Acupuncturist have a marked effect?

I'm sure all will go well with your visit, and there is no question of letting your brother down - you are made of sterner stuff.

I'm glad you have your folding walking stick, it can make all the difference at times (they are also good for playing with cats).

“Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose.”

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Thanks Croix. It's not "my brother" who needs me, it;s my son...its my grandson I will be keeping company, and my son really needs and deserves this break.  He's not just on a holiday "down the road" he's overseas and to make him cut short this trip is unthinkable. Out of the question, so pain or not I have to go. The major marked effect (as you asked) of the Chinese Man was that he zeroed in right at the problem spot, it will probably take several visits to see more healing but let's say I have felt better and more confident than in ages...particularly as that other friend of mine's experience of pain is virtually word for word as mine.  so we shall see...but I am certainly losing (or lost) confidence in my GP who I get the feeling just brushes me off as an old nuisance. I must have said something interesting on my last visit as she actually swivelled her chair around to look at me while she was talking.....she usually is glued to her computer screen and never makes eye contact.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

Of course you will not let him down and will have a lovely time with your grandson.

Your GP does not sound idea, always glued to a computer, but at least you got her attention for a while. I certainly hope future visits to the acupuncturist make things a lot better.

I expect that feeling of confidence will stand you in good stead when you deal with your GP and don't just accept off-hand treatment resulting in a lot of pain

Don't forget to pack your diary

Croix

[CMF]

Dear Moon (wave to Croix),

You are a wonderful Mum & Grandmother to be doing this for your family despite your pain. I do hope your pain eases so you can enjoy the time with your grandson.yes, GP's can be frustrating. 

I hope your trip goes well Moon.

Love ya

CMF