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I can't find the right place for me to post

Moonstruck
Community Member

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

1,659 Replies 1,659

Moonstruck
Community Member

Croix...re "breakdown of taste and intelligence" at Xmas...or December 25 which is all it means to me...(the lead up hysteria is unfathomable....I have yet to have it explained to me WHY people do this? to themselves AND to each other????  For those us whose "taste and intelligence" don't breakdown at Xmas it can be unbearable...absolute hell and no wonder anxiety and depression overwhelms some, actually a LOT of people at this time is so transparent to understand......sorry folks, but those you who have been reading my contributions over all these years, particularly my one about this horrendous, ghastly, dangerous, terrible, lonely, cruel, (and there are many more adjectives on the list...none of them "happy") know precisely my feelings about Xmas and am not afraid to admit to them...

 

*******.  Of course I realise its magic to children and would never do anything to spoil the time for little ones.....they find out soon enough how cruel and horrible this world can be...so I don't object to indulging them with a touch of magic and fantasy at Xmas.  just thought I'd better add that footnote)

Moonstruck
Community Member

CMF......as you know I've found navigating around the Forum since they made alll the changes has been hard for me with some of my old friends lost, or my own incompetence or whatever...but have tried to keep up with your incredibly busy personal life with "him" and what's been happening with the relationship that has more twists and turns than any TV soapie doesn't it?

who knows what will happen next and I am not even sure exactly where things stand between you right at this moment. Just that you seem to have been handling things much better than most would have....its been so trouble ridden for years now hasn't it and we can sense your previous frustration and heartache.....so.....where from here I have to wonder?   I would have to tune in every day to keep up with your dramatic life....but we love you and continue to want the best most peaceful outcome for you........wishing you a Merry Little Christmas...and thank you for not forgetting me.....been quite a few years now hasn't it?   love...Moon S xx

Hello Moon & everyone,

I'm sorry if my wishing you a wonderful Xmas is offensive to you.

The Xmas seems mostly to be about commercial sales of everything they can possibly throw an Xmas glamour over. For some, it still remains a Christian celebration, which happens around the mid-(nortthern hemisphere), winter solstice, which the Christians wanted to suppress... it's a mix of all these things derived from very old customs & rituals, until the introduction of all the commercialism, going off on tangents, & into the complete nightmare you experience today.

I guess I've mellowed over the years & don't fight it so much anymore. I even sing the carols, (mostly the first verses that I remember), even though I am not religious in any way at all. I admit, I like being more openly silly at this time of year - it seems we have been granted the permission to not be so 'adult', to 'let our hair down', to wear funny clothes, to give ourselves a holiday away from being serious, to put the worries & dramas of the year aside for a while, maybe even let some go entirely as the year ends.

Yes, there is the encouragement to feast & make yourself so bloated you can't move for two hours after the feasting, which is a problem for me insofar as my healthier eating habits are these days, & that as I am getting older, I simply don't think I can eat so much food & not be sick. Being on my own, it's not so difficult than if I had the pressure to be doing that with lots of family &/or friends. .. still, there are some items I feel the urge to have, things I can leave alone all the rest of the year. Having a little of these things is okay

Having some special food, a meal, with some music or a silly Xmas movie, makes me feel that elusive 'connection' to a wider community without having to feel any pressure to be more involved than I'd be comfortable with.

I understand there are many people who feel their isolation & lonliness through December & into the new year, because Xmas is so in your face everywhere ... since we can't stop the promotion of it, what can we do to help those who do want to celebrate & feel they are not so alone?

Hugzies

mmMekitty 

Mme Kitty....of course I don't find it "offensive"....there's just no need to wish me anything extra than you may wish for me any other time of the year.  I feel the hype the community ramps up emphasises those things that some people lack...It stresses the importance of family friends and love....a lot of people don't have those things and it merely reminds them of what they lack....that's what I find cruel about Xmas!   the pressure, the insistence that we be "happy". The media has a lot to answer for.  seeing others in fine clothes, sitting around a fully laden table, in a room tastefully decorated with friends and family smiling and hugging....is like showing some people "Look, look what you haven't got....look at what you're missing out on".....a very cruel message I feel but I'm not offended....just perplexed why it has to be shoved down people's throats that's all.....love...Moon S

I keep wondering what else can I do other than play my own silly version of Xmas to please myself, so I don't feel I've missed out?

I often have thought of the community Xmas lunch I have gone to a couple of times. Yes, offered free to the community, anyone could simply come along & find a place among strangers from all walks of life & enjoy a lovely lunch, no questions asked. There were people who volunteered to put on these lunches. People who donated all decorations & food, too. I've wondered how I could get to be involved in something like that.

While I don't like being in a crowd, where it's noisy, too, I would like to feel I can be a part of something.

& I think I've left it too late to figure out what I can do this year, again. Even if I found one now, I can't get a support worker, & I'm struggling to walk on my foot as well. I might even enjoy the noise & crowd as a distraction away from how my foot feels.

I do fear it's going to be a difficult silly season for me this year. How difficult it is is up to me.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

It's become more difficult for me. if only because I need a support worker to assist me when going out.

mmMeKitty....perhaps contact the group, organisation, or church whatever who are putting on one of these lunches and say you'd love to come but have no transport.  I am sure they would arrange someone to pick you up and see you safely home.   After all, that's what they are all about isn't it?  Helping others not to feel alone at Christmas?

Dont spend the day being blue whatever you do.......  (Just between you and me, ALL silly seasons are difficult for me....all of them!)........You are managing them much better than I do.......Good luck.

 

I've thought of that, Moon, just feeling shy about asking for the people to tick me up & bring me home, because I feel the lunch they offer is already so generous.... I still struggle with asking for what I want.

I was relieved of that difficulty when a group I am a member of offered to pick me up & bring me home, when I told them I had no support worker to do that last Wednesday. It was a miscommunication, misunderstanding, left me without the support worker.

That was a morning tea, with a singer/songwriter/guitarist & some yummy food, & raffles, (which I didn't win), that they had offered made it easy to say, "yes, please".

Yes, I understand your view. I have felt like that for many years, but I realised, having my objections & such be at the forefront of my mind only made me feel more critical & grumpy about it, more like an outsider about it, & even seemed to increase the pressure on me to make the effort, to participate, & feeling I had to justify myself ... crap on that, eh?  

So I'm try to do what I enjoy doing, no diving right into the all-out ridiculous let's all of us have a party on the river bank, spending $$$$ on fireworks, paying professional singers & musicaians, who don't sing the songs in a way that makes it impossible to sing along - there's worse things we could spend heaps of money on, but lots better ways to spend money, too. 

Yesterday, I went up the road for a sing along, sausage sizzle, magician who entertained the kids, in a small park; was lovely. My support worker & I only heard a couple very babies crying, a couple dogs scrapping with each other ... but otherwise, no fighting, screaming, just a very happy, laughing & friendly 2-3 hours. 

I only wonder why there needs to be a special occasion or event for that to happen?

This year, I can't get all my once a year food cravings met, so I compromise. It'll be fine. 

Yesterday I heard some jazzed up Xmas songs, which I liked... thinking, now I want to find some like that to listen to & sing along with here in my flat. That's something I am sure to enjoy, too.

Really, I just found trying to ignore it all was the same as being told to not think of an elephant - impossible!

Having said at the start of this post, about phoning the organisations who usually offer community lunches, I feel I can do it on Monday. We'll see what happens. Right now nothing will happen, whereas if I phone, something might.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

mmMeKitty....you will be fine.  I will think of you wherever I am. I just came back from visiting my son and grandkids which I handled, but very tired now I am back.   It was wonderful to actually BE with him rather than phones and computers etc....and I looked at the boy who will be a teenager soon, and a quiet deep thinking one...so handsome and sweet and thought "some of my own DNA went into creating this gorgeous boy..if it were'nt for me. he would not exist"....amazing how our lifelines just keep going on and on.  For actual Xmas day I will have to spend lunch with my older sister who is frail and slow, having had 2 heart scares and seems to be fading away...so thin.  Our brother in law who was on his own too having lost his wife, joined us but he has a lady this year, so I am happy for him he has somewhere and someone special to spend lunch with..good for him!

   bit depressing hey?  but my own partner died a few years ago so Xmas Day is no big deal to me.  Seeing my family a couple of weeks earlier was more important that putting a paper hat on!

You will be glad you went to that Community Lunch if you can get there.   I went to one once, and did not feel strange, or alone in the least.   They were very nice people, the ones eating lunch, and the helpers...It was a nice afternoon and everyone attending got a "present" ...just something small of course but there are heaps of folk who get absolutely Nothing!!!! Not even a smile.....wish I knew why this life is so cruel sometimes.  Will it ever be explained to me?........love.  MoonS.......

Marvelous Moon! It's lovely to think you have had such a good visit, in person, with your son & grandkids. I can imagine how special it is to see the likeness to yourself in your grandson, to feel the genetic connections, as a tangible reality.

I'm sure your sister will appreciate you spending Xmas with her. If she is indeed 'fading away', then the time she & you spend together becomes more important.

As you indicate, it's more important to not delay seeing someone for the sake of a certain day or silly hat, but to make the time to see them now rather than later, as much as you can.

I did phone & was told there would be a dinner, later in the day, then, after I told him I couldn't get a support worker for that day & in particular, hour, he was suggested I try other organisations.

I can think, I am not expecting anyone to be able to take me & bring me home on Xmas day, but I still seel I get my hopes up, & then hear, "no" & those hopes sink. I dont' like doing this to myself. I feel resigned to making my own lunch - a special lunch, on the day.

Still searching for the music I'll have playing. Too many have ads, some even in the middle of songs. 

Like you say, I'll be okay. I might even have some fun.

 

Hugzies

mmMekitty

 

Hello to everyone..Usually each year there are threads on Christmas written in the lead up weeks before.....but the only one I could find was Christmas Dread about last year's 2022.  Can someone tell me if there are any other Christmas threads I could read and perhaps contribute to this year?  Thanks...Moon S