I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Moonstruck]

To no one in particular..just felt need to get it all out. Last night felt overwhelming wave..huge force of anxiety ..about to border on panic.

So much emotion over Easter break..have huge responsibility on my shoulders 're my activity/ team challenge coming up..plus son visited..only get to see every couple of years..travels a lot with work..hes gone now. Overwhelming love between us.

had traumatic couple of years..loss of partner...getting used to being so Alone. Handle everything ALONE. Not strong enough. Need someone hold me up. No one there though!

Feel on verge of collapse. Can't let it happen people think highly of me. Can't disappoint them. Anxiety growing...Moon S

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

We've got you. We are all here holding you up, supporting you. I can't imagine what it is like to lose a partner & feel all alone. I wish I could sit with you, hold your hand & give you strength.

Should we look at the moon together tonight? Remember, where ever we are we all look at the same moon.

Sending you strength, love & support.

Cmf 🙏

[Paw Prints]

Hello Moon,

I wish I had the words to help... all your friends here are right beside you lass... I wish we could all come over to yours & be there in person for you... but we are always with you in spirit..

Gentlest supporting hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

You are not going to disappoint anyone, and bearing responsibility is something you have done many times before.

I guess if you have not been in a tournament for some time it can weigh heavily on the mind, however I would be pretty certain it is like diving in a cold pool. Beforehand you know it is going to be cold and that fills your mind. Then when you plunge in the temperature becomes something you do not even think about as you find yourself swimming as you always have.

I learned to swim, you learned to take part in tournaments. Neither skill will fade, once you are in the swing of things it will all come back, a familiar place, and you will succeed mightily - and enjoy it!

How is your pet getting on? Highly spoiled I'd expect:)

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Hi Croix....I rang the BB phone line yesterday..been putting it off for ages...the anxiety when it takes over is hard to "get out" to friends who just try to assure me..."You;ll be great, you always are" they are doing their best but it just needed to get out of me in a rush, if you follow.

I've been reading a really helpful book...The Mind Strength Method" by Dr Jodie Lowinger..4 steps to curb anxiety, conquer worry, build resilience. I recommend it. She explains fully what happens to our brain when the nervous system kicks into the worry, danger, flight or fight syndrome..which is built into us humans from prehistoric days when "danger" was probably a man eating tiger just outside your cave...then, we had reasons to panic, run, fight. the book explains the cortisone, adrenalin that courses through our body when we begin to "worry" about little things, most of which will never happen.

Its easy to follow...I am glad I found this book. When friends say to "calm down" a part of our brain goes into even more high gear...with "fear"that if we "calm down" the big bad tiger will "get us". Being told to calm down can actually make the anxiety and worry ramp up.

I am not even anxious about something that has happened, or will happen! I have been anxious about the "uncertainty"...and we humans will NEVER win over uncertainty...it is impossible to attain {particularly over the past 2 years).....anyway as it was quoted in my old favourite movie, Best Marigold Hotel..."we get up in the morning, we do our best...that's all"

[Moonstruck]

Dear Paw Prints....you have just the right words. You are one of the sweetest, kindest, people I have "met"...thank you for being so loving and sincere towards me.....have a beautiful day my friend....x

[quirkywords]

Moon

I have found the words, just relax, chill out, calm down , just breathe also have the opposite effect and J find them so patronising at time.
I know people are trying to help. Often. I am ok but to there I don’t look ralexed but this is my calm, so please deal with it.

constantly being told not to worry , everything will be ok just makes me think maybe I should be worried.

Thanks for mentioning that book.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

You are quite right, while it may need to be said once that you have conquered in the past that should be and end of it as most of the time anxiety is not amenable to logic.

I'm glad you have found that explanation, I've run into in in a lot of areas and am sure it is right. Explaining why you feel as you do can be a help.

Uncertainty is one of the worst things, and something I find very hard ot deal with too

I get what you mean, not knowing feeds anxiety and I'm not sure there is a direct way to reduce it. I find my best bet is to do other things and allow them to percolate though to the anxious part of my brain.

As I may have mentioned I try to have one enjoyable pastime in the evening, something I can look forward ot each day. I use anything from a walk wiht Foxy Dog if it is not too cold, to reading to movies, to talking with another, plus lots more.

I'm sure you have different interests but giving yourself something nice each day has surprising effects, and can -at least for me - put a rosier complexion on life.

After the Easter break may I ask if are you returning to that job? If so is it working out OK?

I liked Best Marigold Hotel as well, though I'd be hard pressed to nominate one particular favorite movie.

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Croix.... I can't nominate One particular movie as my very fave either..Marigold Hotel is One of my favourites...mainly I guess because it dealt with Older people, featuring older actresses and actors who proved they are still fabulous!!

went to my Counsellor today and felt better afterwards. She pointed out I was severely over thinking my situation. I am beginning to realise my lack of confidence and fear of something once so comforting and familiar...must have something to do with the death of my partner. Due to covid restrictions my activities in this area were severely curtailed so I have been waiting a long time to experience it again.

Those reading me from time to time may recall my main dilemma has been "trying to find the old Moonstruck" again after he died....I thought for sure returning to my "space and my tribe" would do the trick, and I would comfortably take it all in my stride as before...but it has proved a greater challenge I was not expecting at all.

I know if I could pull it off, it would be an enormous beginning or perhaps culmination in my healing and emerging as my "old self" forever changed, but still bits of me there. I will soldier on...there really is no other choice after all.

That book I recommended points out that we can never win over uncertainty so no use knocking ourselves over to do it. We all know the folk who go overboard trying to be "certain" all will go smoothy,every minute of the day, when really we have no control over anything at all no matter how carefully we tread.

The author wrote "get out of the boxing ring with uncertainty" as we will never win. I mean can you honestly predict exactly what tomorrow will bring? Horrid as it may sound, War in the Ukraine may begin....{ it did) a worldwide pandemic will severely curtain your freedoms { it did} it rained when you planned an outdoor wedding, and etc etc. I hope I have explained it properly....have good weekend......

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

That explanation makes a lot of sense and you are right, you cannot win with anxiety, so getting out of it's boxing ring is an excellent picture of what to do.

Death of someone close does change us, not only in practical terms of having company and love, but inside in one's view of the world, which for me became a lot less certain. As a result I'm not surprised that at this stage your old tribe and activities has not panned out as you hoped AS YET!

You put the notion of uncertainty very graphically, I think it is what separated human beings from robots, we can cope (if unhappily) without a clear path ahead, machines would simply be stuck.

I'm glad you have a psych with undertaking. I'm luck enough to see a psych quite often and always come away (nowadays) feeling better

Another old person type film I like is Quartet (2012), starring Billy Connelly in a retirement home for musicians.

Thanks for that post

Croix