I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Moonstruck]

Croix...oh yes I completely forgot Alfie.   This was an example of how it can work.   At your recent show,  I am amazed they didn't play the most popular numbers, probably the reason you suggested....then what was the point of doing it?  Where was it?  A big theatre, or a little thrown together haphazard group....dragging people onstage....sounds ghastly.    

I expect you were one of the keen Swifties lining up with the other millions of fans to see Taylor.   How long do you think her incredible stardom will last?

[Moonstruck]

Quirky....I can understand how you felt.  Actually in this case, as it was Barry Humphries I don't think I would mind if he acknowledged me somehow...but he said himself not long before he died that he was getting worse and worse and embarrassing people even more than before.  I think he was pure genius.....another one lost to us.

[quirkywords]

Barry Humphries was unique and a forerunner for so many performers.

as a teenager I would feel humiliated if Barry had picked on me as a teenager but as I grew older I had fun with comedians . 

[Croix]

Dear Quirky and Moon~

I think a lot of teenagers are not yet comfortable within htemsleves and to be singled out would indeed be embarrassing. Now of course we have been in an awful lot of different situations and would probably react quite happily wihtout thinking.

Moon, between ticket prices, travel and hotels I'd not be in the queue, in fact Taylor Swift is not my sort of singer anyway. She's been on stage nearly 20 years and just be one of those performers htat goes on for ever though she has got a way to go wiht some others - Mick Jagger  (who does  appeal) has over 60 years under his belt.

Yes I liked Alfie, with its cheeky patter at the start, tragedy followed by getting what you reap in the end. I have not seen the modern version to compare.

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Hi friends....I have been on the verge, so very close to ringing B Blue helpline for weeks now.....I say to myself first thing in morning (which is the worst time for me...I am terrified of what the day will bring or people "do" to me, or think...you name it and I am fearful of it.   what is this? What is the cause and help to stop this barrage of "fear"?   

and I am also fearful of ringing B Blue.  I don't know where to start in my story when the person answers.   I don't know what to say or how much time they have allotted to talk to me...or let me talk I mean.  I desperately need someone neutral to talk to.  I have friends but can't embarrass them or worry them about my deepest feelings and thoughts to which I know they have no solution nor training to deal with them.   No one sees this side of me except you on this forum, whoever happens to read this.   How can I make myself pick up the phone? They wouldn't understand, I wouldn't know where to begin or what to say.  And another day comes to an end and No I haven't rung, nor gotten these feelings out!!   I need to, I want to, but don't.   Why is this?  Please help me be brave enough to ring the helpline.......has anyone else felt this way?

[HappySheep]

Hey Moonstruck,  We haven't spoken before on the forum but your message came up so I will take the liberty of jumping in... I get where you are at, I have been there.  When I first wake up is my worst time too.  I like to call it the 5am Freak Out.  I wake at Stupid O'clock with my brain spinning in circles and terrified of everything.  Sometimes I've dragged myself to work and by 9 - 10 am I'm thinking 'what was all the panic about'. BUT, as they say in the commercials ...  IF SYMPTOMS PERSIST get some help. Help is out there. There is no need to do this on your own and you get no medals for struggling and struggling through.  Make the call.

PLEASE, call them. Call Lifeline, call the BB helpline, just call.  They will know what to do. That is what they are there for.  They're all trained in dealing with people in need.  They are the experts, you don't have to be.  You don't have to decide in advance how much of your story to tell them. Just phone, and say 'I'm struggling'.  The rest will follow.

If you can't bring yourself to call a helpline, call one of your friends. You say you need to think of your friends. What would they think if they knew you were desperate for help but didn't reach out?  Believe me, I totally get that you don't want to put your friends through all the gory details of 'that side' of you - but think twice about that.  If you can't bring yourself to phone a helpline, please pick one of your friends.  Do you have one who you would trust to give you the right sort of support?  That's important.  Not all friends are helpful in all situations.  You want one who is good in a crisis, who won't flap and get hysterical or offer stupid things.  You want one who will listen and support.  Do you have one you trust to do this?  If so call them.  It may be the best thing you could do for you friendship.

I have never phoned a helpline, but about ten years ago I was going through a really, really bad patch.  I had the meds and the psychologist but it seemed soooo long til the next visit I didn't know what to do.  That was the first time I've ever reached out to my friends - for the same reasons as you: I didn't want to burden them and I didn't want to damage our friendship by showing them my mental illness.  Wow.  It was the best thing I ever could have done.  I had one friend who I phoned several times a week for months and said 'my brain is telling me this, I know it's not true, talk me down' and she spent five minutes just pulling me back down to Earth.  Another time I just rocked up on a friend's doorstep, his husband opened the door, took one look at me, took me inside, put me on the couch and fed me for a week.  Didn't say anything, I just stayed watching tv while they went about their lives and they'd throw food at me until I was well enough to go home.  I think my favourite friend story from that time was, one day I was desperate so I phoned both these friends mentioned above but they weren't home. So I took a risk and phoned Friend 3 who I didn't expect to be much help.  When I told her I couldn't be alone, she dumped her daughter's first soccer game and drove straight to my house.  That's what friends do.  No judgement, they don't have to understand what you're going through, they just have to be there for you.

I want to reiterate, this is not like me. I don't ask for help, I'm not needy, and I would never, ever become emotional in front of my friends or admit I have a mental illness to anybody.  Did this behaviour change my relationship with these friends? Yes. Ten years later, they are still my friends.  Nothing has changed in what we do together, I'm still not emotional or needy in front of them BUT, now when I'm going through a bad patch I don't need to just disappear and ghost them, I can be honest and say 'I'm not doing well, I'm staying home' - and I know they'll always be there if I need them.

I have no idea why I didn't call a helpline at the time, like you, I have no experience with them and would be frightened of not knowing what to do.  But they may even be a better option than calling your friends.  Helpline people are trained. They know what they are doing. They know what support to offer you. Only you can know whether a helpline would be better than your friends. You can be brave enough to make the call.  Anyone living through those kind of fears for weeks has already shown how brave they are.  Turn that bravery into making the call.  If you are worse in the morning, maybe make the call in the afternoon.  Or write yourself a promise at night that you'll call first thing in the morning.  You can do it. I'm here on the forums if I can be of any help. Take care, HS.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Moonstruck, 

We just wanted to drop in as we can hear you're in a difficult space right now. We understand how daunting it can be to call the support service and we want you to know our counsellors are there to provide a judgement-free space to share. There is no pressure to share your story, some call during a panic attack to ground themselves and just to hear a few kind words, while others call to discuss complex situations. We are here for however you may be feeling, our lovely counsellors are experienced and will set you at ease to provide you with support.

If you'd like to reach the team , you can call the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. Another option may be our online chat which can be accessed through our website, it might be a good option if talking on the phone is overwhelming. 

It's great that you could share here, and you never know who may be feeling the same way and feel less alone as a result.

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[Paw Prints]

Hello Moon,

I understand your wanting someone neutral to talk to about what is going on in your head. I found the helplines scary to ring, as like you I didn't know where to start or how long I would have, but I have rung them & it did help.

Lass look at what you just wrote to us in your last post, you didn't include any background you simply reached out for help with what you are experiencing now, that is a good starting point for talking to the people on the helpline. They have the experience in how to help people who are reaching out. I can honestly say they don't judge, I spent most of one call crying & the person both gave me the space to cry & helped me to talk it through. 

gentlest of hugs

Paws

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I'm sorry to see you struggling so much. I am sure when you call the lovely person on the other end will now how to handle your call & will help with were to start.  I think just say what's on your mind & you'll find it will start to come together for you. Do you journal Moon? Just start writing whatever comes out onto the paper & before you know it the thoughts will flow. 

Yes. We do under& are here for you. 

Your friend 

Cmf x

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I think if you look at the answers to your last post you will agree htt others have rung support services and have come away feeling at least a bit better. While we here on the Forum are your  freinds you can only read what we say, a human voice instead can be a comfort.

I did find when I first started that my mind would ponder over all sorts of problems with ringing, from not being understood though to lack of empahty.  There thoughts in advance are quite frankly the  hard part, the barrier to be overcome.

Ringing only seems hard, when you do it you find the things you were worrying about by ringing melt away and you can talk. you may not give a complete chapter-and-verse account of your circumstances and situation, but that is not necessary. The person on the phone can talk wiht you about hte parts that  you wish or have been able to mention.

Please give it a try, I have.

Croix