I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Moonstruck]

Thanks Dottie. I am looking forward to another one coming along that suits me better and gives me time to get over this last one, which was a huge effort for me after being away from the game for so long.

No one else involved knew of my "head" problems, anxiety etc over the past years - so it looked like it was easy for me, but only I realise I am not quite ready to take on another so soon. I will keep active in the club in some other ways till I get my energy back....and fingers crossed, the Pilates strengthening classes I will embark upon in a couple of weeks may see the pain gone or at least diminished .... Moon S

[Guest_322]

Hi Moon,

I like how you're pacing yourself by gradually easing back into the game rather than overexerting yourself. I guess by keeping things to yourself- like your headspace- people assumed everything was okay even when it wasn't.

The Pilates sounds great and I hope you enjoy it. I also hope that the pain has mostly subsided by then.

Dottie x

[Moonstruck]

Yes of course you are right Dottie. People assumed all was OK, that I was OK, in fact more than OK.

I didn't confide any of the crap the intervening years had dealt me - and they were eagerly looking forward to me getting 100% involved again. I'm not giving it up - just as you said, pacing myself. That will have to be good enough for others just now.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I'm glad you did not cut off from bowling, but are just pacing yourself. It was so good to read your posts about your activity it wold be terrible if you decided not to continue. I hope a truly magnificent bowling opportunity unfolds when you are ready.

You've my great sympathy over the back pain, I've had to live with similar for the last few years and know what it is like. Medications, gentle exercises and as much walking as I can do (not that much I'm afraid) all help me. Ended up in A&E a couple of times.

I really hope it gets a lot better for you quickly

Croix

[Moonstruck]

I know you were so keen for me to get back on the horse straight away after my success last time Croix (now people will think I am an equestrienne..c'est la vie)...

.but I have no regrets....it wasn't the game for me (I just didn't want to do it badly enough) but there is a more attractive one coming up so I will "save myself" for that! Don't worry I have no intention of discontinuing now that I have found it again!.....Cheers!

[CMF]

Moon,

Just checking in to see how you are doing today? Has the sciatica eased up at all? How are you travelling?

cmf x

[Guest_322]

Hi Moon,

That sounds good. You'll figure out when you feel ready. Sometimes gentle and slow is a good way to go...

I hope you've had a good weekend or good(ish).

Dottie x

[Lost_Girl]

Hey dear Moon,

I think saving yourself up for the right game is smart. By engaging in only those that will invigorate your soul it will help keep the passion. No point making it hard work when it can be amazing fun.

I do understand about being able to be you. I think in any relationship, work, personal or otherwise, there is a give and take. We wear a mask and make compromises for the greater good of that relationship. When ties are parted it makes way for us to be who we are, as scary as that can sometimes be.

I am delighted for you.

I will be away a bit longer from Wednesday. School goes back and I have a short stay in the hospital. I want you to know I haven't disappeared, just a short holiday and hopefully not too long a recovery.

Big hugs to you. Have a swim in the ocean for me sometime while it is still warm and sunny xx

[Moonstruck]

Yes I know you're there Oh Carol - you don't have to write anything. Wishing you all the best results from the hospital stay - what a strong woman you are!

I knew you would understand my dilemma....doing it as a "favour" when there wouldn't be the same passion and desire for it...could have led to a bit of resentment on my part. To give 100% I really have to want to be there, for whatever reason, the reason doesn't matter. If I were bored, absolutely nothing to do, needing desperately to "escape" from my everyday life or a relationship for a while or whatever....I may have teamed up. Anyway the decision is made now and I don't regret it. That must be a good sign that it was the right one?

As all you folks know, I am incapable of making a decision - here's a question for you all. (nothing to do with the above Lost Girl)..........
"How do you know if you are "taking a leap of faith" or "making a rash decision without thinking it through"????

PLEASE someone tell me how I tell the difference......

(Bless my old dear friend, one of the few in the world who managed to Escape from a Japanese Prison Camp and survive - lot of POWs, but not many actually escaped successfully). I think of him on Anzac Day, especially when the planes fly overhead doing their salute...)

[Moonstruck]

I actually answered this a few hours ago but the post disappeared so if it appears twice...sorry folks!

I know you are there Oh Carol, you don't need to write for me to know that. Wishing you a successful outcome with the hospital stay, you are such a strong woman! god I hope they are kind and gentle with you.

I don't regret the decision about the game, so I guess for once I made the right one. I didn't feel "passionate" about this one (I will again for another though) and to do it as a "favour" sort of thing...means I wouldn't have gotten the immense satisfaction that all the energy and hard work warrants....and I may have ended up with a feeling of "resentment" towards those who talked me into it!

By the way I'm not scared about playing any more now - knowing I can rely on that part of "me" 100% to deliver the goods was a godsend (how can I transfer that confident knowingness into my everyday life???? ) Everywhere else I am hopeless.

It's amusing in a way - it was just about the last thing you'd imagine a person with severe anxiety doing....and yet I am frightened of my neighbours and what they think of me!!! Go figure that one out!!