help needed - i just can't ask

annie45 · ‎27-03-2017

Hi This is the first time I've tried something like this so I'm nervous as hell. I'm struggling with depression. I have a good friendship network, wonderful family and even a good counsellor. But I can't open up to any of them. I've told them that i feel depressed and they ask all the right questions, but I can't respond. I can't verbalise it. Worse still I immediately put on a brave face and downplay how I feel when they ask. I don't want to. I want to express how horrible I feel but I can't. I'm not suicidal but I constantly picture myself doing something to hurt myself, something that will release me from this place - almost wishing that I could, but I have two young children and a wonderful husband that i can't do that to. I had a good week last week, and felt as though I was improving, yet the past two days I feel myself going down again. I don't know how to get out of this hole. Please help

Quercus · ‎15-11-2017

Hi Annie 😊

Thanks for popping by to check on me and for the lovely words. I have to admit I cheered when I saw you wrote you don't need the forums as much anymore. This is an awesome thing! I like the idea of you feeling in control and empowered. Go Annie 😊

We're always here don't worry. I love how you reminded me of one word answers. Needed that thank you.

Lost. Confused. Stubborn. Hopeful. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Frightened. Failure. Trying. Trying. Trying.

Yep. That works. That's me. Trying. Failing. Trying again. 😊 You inspire me and give me hope. There is sadness and worry and stress in your life (how is your Mum by the way?) and yet you are coping. Such a strong woman.

Thinking of you as always Annie.

❤ Nat

annie45 · ‎15-11-2017

Hi Nat

Trying in itself is sucess. It takes guts to try. Especially after failure. True success can only be appreciated if it's been hard fought. This may not be particularly comforting to you now but there will come a time soon when you can look back at this period and be proud of yourself. Hang in there-you are a tough cookie and you have my admiration.

Mum is going ok thanks for asking. she has been referred to an mnd clinic so just waiting for an appointment to be made. Will be good to get some help and advice.

Annie

White_Rose · ‎16-11-2017

Hello Annie

Glad to know your mom has been referred to the MND clinic where hopefully your mom will get a diagnosis. Even if it is MND it will be a relief to finally know and be able to move forward.

Is your stress level going down? Remember you are as important as your mom and take care of yourself.

Trying as hard as you can to get well is the victory. A bit at a time is good. I was reminded of the life of the water hyacinth and how it starts off unnoticed at the edge of the pond or lake. It quietly doubles in numbers day after day until it is finally noticed. This is how we need to grow, slowly getting better until someone notices and brings it to our attention. Then we realise how far we have come.

Be a water hyacinth.😊 Quercus thank you for the smiley faces. I would be lost without them.

Mary

Guest_3712 · ‎17-11-2017

hey Annie,

popping in to say Hi and hope you are doing ok. Good to hear you mum is going to a clinic soon, hopefully that will give you all some clarity and a plan moving forward.

Not sure when I can post again as moving today and I don't know what the internet situation is.

I will check in when I can, so please keep us up to date if you want and know I am thinking of you

cheers

Stressless

annie45 · ‎18-11-2017

Hey stressless

Thanks for your post I hope moving day went well - can't wait to hear about it.

Hey Mary

Thank you for you reply to both this post and the one on Nat's post. I love your way of thinking and the messages you send me. Thank you for your ongoing support. Maybe we both need to get a couple of water hyacinths in our backyards! great analogy

Hoping you both have a great weekend

Annie

Guest_3712 · ‎23-11-2017

Hi Annie

Just checking in to see how you are going ATM

Moving day was hard but fun in a way sorting new cupboards etc for daughter who has more space than she knows what yo do with

My stuff comes next week as it’s been in storage since we sold so moving day take 2

Yikes😱

Take care of yourself

Stressless

White_Rose · ‎28-11-2017

Thank you Annie

I find pictures say more to me than words at times. Weekend not bad. How was your weekend?

Thanks for the comment about exercise. I was in a group until the Exercise Physiologist left and the replacement could not work on Friday. I cannot manage Wednesday so that puts paid to that.My group was all ladies and we used to chat a lot so it served two purposes, exercise and interaction with others. Great combination.

My physio suggested I get a treadmill and then remembered I also used the cross trainer, which I prefer. So now I need to find one. Not a huge problem I would have thought. It would be cheaper second hand but I know very little about these things so have no idea whether I was getting a cross trainer in good order.

Good to know you feeling well enough to reduce the time you spend on the forum. It's good to chat with others who understand where you have been at those times when you feel a bit down.

Mary

annie45 · ‎29-11-2017

Hi Stressless,

i hope you don't mind but I replied on your thread. Thanks for checking in on me!

Hi Mary

You are not getting out of exercise and social interaction that quickly my friend. This is simply a chance to get out and meet another group of friends. I think exercise equipment at home are very quickly turned into towel racks. Seek out a gym close by and ask if they have classes for older adults. Any gym or PT worth their accreditation will do this. I know my class of 'older adults' was the highlight of my week. Your local council may also know of classes available. It is very daunting starting a new exercise program or even walking into a new gym - I feel it and I'm one of the fitter ones. You're not alone and fitness professionals will know how you feel as will all of the other gym members
What have you got to lose?

Cheers

Annie

White_Rose · ‎29-11-2017

Yes ma'am.

Quercus · ‎01-12-2017

Hi Annie,

Just wanted to say thank you for what you wrote on my thread. It was good to read today and I am thankful.

I saw you wrote to Elaria too and wanted to say how kind that was and brave too. How are you feeling after bringing up the memories? You mentioned you hadn't dealt with the loss and I was worried. Are you alright?

❤ Nat

PS Thank you to you too Mary as always. I always value what you have to say. Hope you are alright too.