FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

[Doolhof]

Season's Greetings everyone.

We have a lovely cheery Christmas and New Years thread started up in the Social Zone. Hope you can drop by there and share some joy and happiness.

This is the alternate thread, where you can share the not so pleasant memories of Christmas or the concerns you may have for Christmas 2016.

For me, my depressive brain decides to hassle me about Christmas in November! That is so unnecessary! I need to break this habit!

So on this thread you can share the negative and hopefully find a positive at the end.

You might like to share what the worst present was that you ever received, or how sad and miserable you are at Christmas.

By sharing, we may well be able to help and support each other through a time that can be very tough for some.

This is the place to vent, the thread on the Social Zone is also waiting for you to add your happy thoughts and memories of Christmas and New Years.

Thinking of you all, hugs from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Dear Shred,

Hi. There is no need to apologise for having a bad day! Goodness me, we all have those. This forum is here for all occasions. The good, the bad and the down right ugly.

The main thing is that we can all openly discuss and share how we are feeling knowing people are non judgemental, and that others care about how we are feeling.

Okay, so saying No is a huge thing for you. Do you know what? You have already decided on a No by stating you can not try to say No to your family right now! Don't take it as a negative, turn it into a positive.

You may not be able to say no to them, but you have said no to a suggestion made to you. You have made a choice. That is empowering!

It sounds like just getting up is a big issue for you right now and you want to achieve being able to go outside. Can you go outside for a short period of time, just to stand in the sun and feel the warmth for a while?

Regarding feeling weak, is that weak physically, mentally or both? Are there some light exercises you could do in the house to keep you feeling a bit fitter? There are a lot of mental exercises you can do on the computer...so I am told.

TIME. Yes, Time does heal, but it would be wonderful if it worked a lot quicker sometimes hey!

Would you like to share what happens when your family are at your place?

Hope you have moments of peace today.

Cheers to you, hugs too if you want them, from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi GI,

The candles are lovely aren't they. Christopher is spot on with those. I would like a display like that in our own home. I sometimes make a decoration of candles and what ever is in the garden on an old plate and put it on the table through the year.

Yes BPD is interesting. On reading your post it made me realise maybe that is why I like being in the garden so much as I feel connected to nature. Inside our home I feel like I don't belong and like I don't know who my husband is! Weird isn't it!

Do your parents live interstate as well or just other members of your family?

What do your parents do for New Years? Could you join them, have a special dinner, listen to ancient old records, watch movies or play games. I can't imagine doing that with my parents, but you might with yours.

There may be organisations in your area that put on a meal or an evening for homeless people you could become involved with. You would have company that way and not feel so alone.

Feeling alone is a horrid thing isn't it. I find it even more so when you are with people you know and you still feel alone. That might be a part of the BPD as well maybe.

My Mum has decided there will be no presents for anyone this year. Suits me fine.

I used to try to make present for the family for Christmas and some friends also. I was at my older sister's home. She was going through her Christmas stuff and came upon the decorations, wall hangings and so on I had made her.

She said "I don't know why I keep all of this junk (she used a different word) I only take it to school to put up in the library where I work to make it look a bit more like Christmas.

At least the children might enjoy a little Christmas cheer!

No more home made Christmas gifts for that sister. Ha. Ha.

Wishing you a peaceful day. Next time I am in town, I will look for some red candles!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

Just had another thought. Some single female friends of mine have recently joined up with different
MEET UP Groups.

There might be some of these groups in your region. Check them out and see what they have to offer. It may be a great way to meet new people and have someone to catch up with now and then.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[Shred1106]

Hi Mrs Dools

I feel weak both physically and mentally - all the time now.

When family comes over (they have animals they keep at my place) I immediately get anxious and feel out of sorts. I am criticized for the state of things I have not done, like my house needing a vacuum etc...This is a continual process.

I can't be me when they are here...there is no sense of understanding of anything that they are not involved with.I would say that the particular person is self centred and that's why it is pointless to explain anything to them.

Thanks for the hugs

[Doolhof]

Hi Shred,

There have been times in my life where I have felt exhausted mentally and physically. I had chronic fatigue for a while, that was really draining.

Instead of my husband helping more with activities around the house, he bought lighter weighted saucepans so I could still lift them on and off the stove. He bought one of those long handled brooms and dust pan so I could sweep up the floor without having to bend over to sweep up the dirt!

Some people just don't get the fact it is almost impossible to do what needs to be done.

If you asked a family member if they could vacuum for you, what would the answer be?

Are you in a situation where you could get some help about the home, even if it was just once a month?

I heard of a lady who had volunteers come in and clean for her. Now that would be lovely!

Ah yes, some people can be very self centred and not even realise it or how they affect others.

Have you talked with your Dr or someone to see if there is any help that is available to you?

Once again I am really sorry to read of the situation you are in.

Is there anything you can do to help improve your physical energy?

Thinking of you and hoping you find ways to cope with your family visits!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Oh dear this depression really sucks. The closer it comes to Christmas the less I am coping.

Sometimes I just want to go to bed and cry.

My anxiety and stress levels are spiking and all I am trying to do is orgainse to see my younger sister and nieces before we go on holidays.

Communication is difficult as mobile phones do not work in our home and my husband does not let me use the land line for mobile calls as it is expensive. Some people don't have land lines!

To me we are going backwards and not forwards as far as communication goes.

Right now I feel like I am going to go BANG and I don't like that idea at all!

Christmas and the Festive Season! My goodness it can suck big time!

Called in to the shops for a few bits and pieces needed for the weekend. It was ridiculously busy!

Walked past Santa's chair (not in use) and wanted to kick down the display. Oh dear.

My mood is not at all very pleasant and I just don't know what to do with myself.

I want to cry but the tears aren't coming.

Mmmm. I will check out some other posts and try and change my mind set.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[Moonstruck]

You are not alone dear Mrs Dools - you don't have to change your mindset about Christmas. I loathe it myself! Absolutely cannot bear the endless hype...(you realise those in the media call it "the silly season" for the reason that it's not hard work doing a "Christmas story" and they have space, centimetres to fill? )

- it's easy to do too, the endless lists of "what's in, what's out". best presents for kids, Christmas Lunch Recipes, pretty coloured photos....it's easy peasy work for newspaper and TV people....doesn't mean they like Christmas any more than the poor public they inflict their garbage onto.

"poor suckers"they say...."this'll give them something pretty to look at - less work for me having to look for "real"news - Santa will do it for me).

don't fall for it...you are not alone with your feelings about this time of year - it's horrible!

I don't have grand children coming up this year (which of course I don't spoil for them) so I am determined not to give this crap any of my attention, no focus, not part of my reality this year.....not worth my time, money, mental health or thoughts. Best of luck and good wishes to you Mrs Dools....and NOT just because it's bloody Christmas.....all the year round - luv, Moon S

[Shred1106]

Hey Mrs Dools

Yup, Christmas can suck big time...as you and I have spoken about before. I am trying to organise someone to come help me once a month but that's not easy and it costs $.

My physical energy(or lack of) is also related to whether I sleep and that can pose problem too. The latest attempt at med has brought about more side effects too.

You mention your anxiety is up and down - a while ago you said you would look at a hammock for the back yard or garden. I put mine up today and nearly got sunburnt it is so hot!

It's nice to know many of us are in the same boat but still frustration kicks along..

Look after yourself Mrs Dools - you are worth it..

[girl_interrupted]

Dear Mrs D,

I'm so sorry I didn't see your reply earlier!My parents live nearby which is really handy so I try to catch up as much as I can. I usually take the paper round on Saturday morning if I'm not working. My folks are getting older and have a fairly low key nye etc but maybe we will do something this year with the rest of the family joining us. It will be the first xmas in a very long time (maybe a decade or so) that we've all been together so it'll be special. That's a great suggestion - we might watch something together or I could certainly suggest getting out all the old photos for a good laugh and reminisce. We used to play board games so maybe we could do that too. I miss spending time with family and think how lucky we were as kids growing up in a good home. I miss that. I thought about volunteering so if I have some spare time I might do that too.

Sorry to hear about your family not celebrating xmas. That's horrible your sister didn't appreciate your homemade gifts. Maybe she forgot where they came from? Yeah bugger her, no more gifts lol. She doesn't have good taste! I love homemade things as a lot more effort goes into making them than just picking something up from the store! It's not the cost value, but the sentiment that counts.

Xmas really does bring out the best and worst in people. For years I have been a horrible, miserable person this time of year and refused to join in and celebrate with family, as my depression just seems to grip me so badly. I've reluctantly gone to family get-togethers but usually been the sour-faced stooge the whole time and then gone home and cried all night or wanted to call the suicide hotline. Kinda funny but not really.
Do you have some favorite candles? What kind of things do you make? Bugger, I need to remember to send xmas cards.. hope i'm not too late! I'm terrible lol always forgetting things. Take care for now x

[Doolhof]

Hi Moon,

Thanks so much for your kind and understanding words.

Today I caught up with two of my nieces, they came to our home for lunch. There was very little chatter about Christmas. We had a lovely day, the girls ended up staying for dinner as well. It was such a relaxing and happy time without the expectation of it needing to be a perfect day if it had been for Christmas.

We are hoping to get together again in the New Year. I'm very thankful I have my nieces in my life.

Parts of today were tough, the rest was lovely. So I will try and concentrate on the lovely bits!

Thanks once again for your best wishes and kind words.

Cyber Hugs to you if you want them, from Mrs. Dools