Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

2018.... let’s hope it’s better for everyone...

Hope you get a sleep in.

V.

[Doolhof]

Good Morning everyone,

Yes, it is not long now until Christmas! There are break up parties to attend, kindy and school finishing for the year, some work places closing down for the holidays, people rushing about, busy shops, places top go, people to see.

Isn't it wonderful we have a week between Christmas and New Year's to catch our breathe so to speak.

Boxing Day my husband usually watches the Cricket. This year he is picking up a friend at the airport who is staying for a few days.

New Year's Eve we have friends over for the evening, so at least we don't have to go out driving anywhere. Not sure how many are coming this year. One year some friends invited some other friends to join us as well. We had heaps of fun that night!

Wishing you all well leading up to Christmas Day. Hope the week goes well CMF, BballJ, Velve and all.

Cheers from Dools

[CMF]

Hi everyone,

I find it really endearing when I log on and see your posts so thank you.

Im a bit lost, No kinder today, and little miss wants to go. It's ok we will focus on Xmas for now. I'm already stressing over next year's expenses but I shouldn't right? One foot in front of the other. I have the chance to change my life, only I can do it.

I'm lost and overwhelmed like I was when i started this thread. I don't do well with change, not knowing.

Oh well.

[velvetfaerie]

Hey CMF, Dools, Jay,

Given this is an active thread and CMF rocks, I wanted to pop in and say have a lovely Chrissy. Thanks for taking care of each other. Be safe. Fill your lives with people who deserve you!

CMF = One foot, one step, one day. This is my focus as well. I understand the lost feeling.

I am so tired LOL. Brain says no to thinking.

V.

[CMF]

Thanks Velvz,

I'm tired if thinking too lol. Yesterday we were at a friends house, she is OCD, an we were talking about how we put things off that are 'too hard' but then we are overwhelmed when we have to deal with them. I have been thinking about it and decided today i would tackle a few things i am putting off.

I needed to rsvp to a bday that i did not want to attend for several reasons. I felt rude but did it today. I don't need to justify myself, it is not a really close friend but someone i have gotten to know via my friends and my friends are not able to make it.

I rang the children's hospital to chase up little miss' annual follow up appt which i have not been notified of as yet. It always gives me anxiety. They have been busy and simply haven't gotten around to it yet but letter will be on its way.

At the school orientation we were given a goody bag with info re fees and after school care etc. I put it away, not ready to look at it. I looked today and the fee set up confirmation is due by tomorrow. I also noticed that i will most likely get another reduction off my half so that was a bonus. I rang the school, stressed as i need to have it returned by tomorrow and i wanted it spoilt between me and 'him' so he can be responsible for his half and i don't have to chase him. She told me not to stress, they have it noted that it is to be split and i can deal with it next year, does not have to be done by tomorrow. I will give 'him' the heads up and then i can email the school and they will send the info to him next year. Phew, another thing off my mind.

Kids school books...another expense. I added it up and maybe not as bad as i was thinking. I can get my daughter's and perhaps layby my sons so at least they are on hold for us.

Slowly, slowly, step by step, day by day.

cmf

[velvetfaerie]

Yes you need to look after your own interests first. You first otherwise you can't be strong for your kids.

Look at and deal with things when you are ready. I am in a similar boat. My house is old and falling apart around me and I just ignore it. Dumb I know but, yeh.

I guess the potential for conflict in your life is a bit scary. I understand this. I am like a pit bull, once i grab hold that's it, i shake and bite and destroy. Must be the bipolar rage. 😄 oops.

I hope you have a great Christmas. I house full of kids would be great. I do regret my choice to not be a mum sometimes. But I have my friends kids who all flock to me. ARAARRRGGhh LOL.

V.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

You see that is called being proactive and not reactive, you are getting on the front foot rather than letting everything build up before it gets too much. I think letting the school know to split the fees was a great idea as well. As you said one foot in front of the other, writing everything down, putting things into a list and prioritising them over what is most important and working down. First, get through Christmas and just try to enjoy the holiday as best you can. Worry about the school stuff in the new year. You know we will be here to help you through it.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Thx V and Jay,

went To an auction tonight but it was cancelled. 'He' came past as I was leaving home aNd then come to auction. I didn't reAlly wAnt him to, don't wNt him To know my business BUt he wants to work out was his is worth. He came for his own needs. Started saying he made a mistake buying his house, could hVe got something better. I told him he should have done it himself, one let his mum do it for him. It will always be her fault now, never his fault. Anyway started talking about townhouses I've looked at and prices and I mentioned one I looked at a few months ago. I really liked it and thought it was a great price. Obviously I couldn't bid as I haven't sold and didn't have a deposit organised. He didn't understand. Told me I should have bought it. Told him I couldn't, you need to give a deposit on the day. He kept saying I should have bought it, I kept repeating you need to give a deposit. He asked if I had the deposit would I have bought it. I said no I need to sell first. He asked again, told him no again, he kept asking. This is what he does, keeps asking same question if he doesn't like the answer. In the past I've given in and given the answer he wants to hear, just to shut him up. I kept telling him I would not buy without selling first. Sure, I should have no problem selling mine but what if it doesn't sell? What if I don't get what I wNt for it? I'm. Of prepared to take that risk. I don't have mummy and daddy to bail me out if things go wrong. Amazing that he just doesn't see that. He can take risks cos his mum can be manipulated to bail him out. It really agitated me, hoe careless he can be. All talk, tells others what to do, then why doesn't he do it. Apparently there was an apartment in his street, said he wanted to buy it. Well why didn't he then if it's that easy? I wish I never started talking about it with him. He asked what I'm doing for Xmas and asked if he'd see me later. I know he wAnts to see little miss but I won't go to his house. He could take her there butvshexwNts me to go. She wants us to go together. Tonight she got upset about going to the auction as she wNted him to stay at our house for a bit, the 3 of us here. He kept saying she doesn't like that we're separate and he comes and goes. He is right but what do I do? As always, he realises the repercussions of his actions when it's too late. The damage is done. Just st like his mum buying his house while he slept.

of course it will never be his fault though.

[CMF]

You know, when I met him he was always saying he had to move out of home, his mum drove him mad, he had to get out. He used to say that If it didn't work out he could always move back home.

yep, totally clueless about standing on your own two feet.

[velvetfaerie]

Talks it up huh?

Hate that type.

V.