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Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

4,758 Replies 4,758

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

We had a nice lunch at his mum's today. M's boys have Friends over tonight to watch the footy. Sis' bf is working. I asked M of he wanted to have dinner at mine. He replied he might not be hungry after the lunch. We had lunch at 12. Anyway he seemed hesitant, maybe wanted to watch footy? Maybe didn't want sis to be stuck with the boys? Anyway he agreed to come & have movie night with little miss. We usually have dinner at his Friday nights so not sure what he would have said yo me this week as the boys have friends over.

Guest_1584
Community Member

Never know , sometimes quiet likes someone chatty and even bossy, seen that combo quite a bit. But l'd be surprised on this one still, never know.

So he passed up the footy, gees,not into footy myself but l know how footy people get. Wish l had his low appetite no way l'd be passing up tea with my lady lunch is a long long way from tea for me haha.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
I did check. He didn't plan to watch the footy. It's the little things sis does too that baffle me. When we were having lunch at his mum's she mentioned how M & his mum are both forgetful. She said jokingly they can go into the same nursing home. I know it was a joke but hello, I do exist. It's like when she's talking about them all going overseas together. Again, I do exist.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I can't find any of the posts I've  contributed to & finding all this hard to navigate. I'm lost & confused.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I still find it creepy that when sis goes out she kisses M goodbye. I can understand if she were visiting but they live together. Goodmorning,  goodnight,  going out. It's sickening. Little miss asked us if we were to get married where would we live. We joked around a bit then M said we'd kick his sis out and Little miss could have her room upstairs with her own bathroom. Yeah right, like we'd come before his sis. He caught up with his parish priest as the priest wanted to chat. Among other things the priest suggested he could help him have his wedding annulled,  so he could move forward with me. He really likes me. M is divorced but the priest feels an annulment would stop him being held back. Omg, if only he knew it's not that stopping us moving forward it's his 'marriage' with his sister.

Interesting how he feels M is being prevented from moving forward with me.

If only he knew.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

These new forums really make me feel 'lost & overwhelmed'. The thought of logging on makes me anxious. Can't find posts & feel I've lost all my connections.  Makes me really sad.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Had dinner at M's tonight. Unfortunately wifey wax home. She did nothing wrong...except that she was there. She didnteat with us cos of her special body building diet but she sat with us & 'sniffed' the good. Seriously, we've done this twice already. She then talked the whole time about herself. Best part was when she told us about the bikini she ordered for her body building comp. It's skimpy as, showed us photos & told M & I how they measured her breaststroke for the cup size. Really? Do tell your brother that stuff? M was engaged in her conversation.  When she stepped away I mentioned something I did at work today. No reaction. When she came back he was like a magnet, again engaged in what she was saying. She joined us on the couch to watch TV. Still talking.

Seriously, they should just get a room 🙄 

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I said nothing as we watched TV. M didn't either. When I went to tell little miss it was time to go & said bye to his son's he & wifey were busy chatting away like a married couple. Couldn't wait to get out & be alone. Better to leave the happy couple to themselves.

Hi CMF

Thank you for your continued contribution to our forum community - it is really appreciated!

It sounds like things continue to be tough and somewhat frustrating for you with this situation! Please remember to take care of you and remember that it's important to be honest with yourself, and others, as to what your needs actually are, and how they are or are not being met. things hurting can always be repaired, but only if everyone acknowledges the hurt and wants to work on it. You deserve to be heard!

Do continue to reach out here, CMF, and please also remember you can give us a call to chat at any time - 1300 22 4636

Regards,


Sophie M.
 

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Thanks Sophie 

I've asked M to have dinner at mine tomorrow.  I don't want to deal with his sis, need a break. I'm tired Friday nights & her on top of that is too much every week. He actually hesitated when I asked. I shouldn't have to put up with, I'm sick of it. If they can't move on from each other they can have each other. They must be happier with each other than with their partners.