Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

Thank you for sitting with me from my first post to now .

I do consider you a dear friend . I am finding I am losing this fight . Really in a bad place

Thank you for your help Jojo

your friend Lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I just wish there was someone there who could give you a big hug and hold your hand. I am with you in spirit, but that’s not exactly the same.

Your inner little girl is in a lot of pain and really hurting. Can you try talking to her? She needs to hear from you, to know that you care. There are some good self help books such as Healing Your Inner Child that you might find useful.

There is an exercise where you start talking to your little girl and asking her questions. You then write down the answer using your non dominant hand. I found this very healing and useful.

This is way of building trust and confidence within yourself. I did this work in a group setting over a few months. I now care for my frightened inner child by tapping into my adult self. Before that my frightened child was running the show and causing me lots of grief and anxiety.

Perhaps this might be something you would like to try? Google books on inner child - there are plenty out there.

[Jojo100]

p.s. sorry I hadn’t finished my post! I am happy to sit with you at any time because I really do care about you xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Hi Jojo ,

Thank you for your advice about the inner child . I will try but feeling like I just can’t help myself with anything at the moment .

My mind is racing and I am completely exhausted. I need someone to take control and help me . But wouldn’t trust anyone if there was someone to help . I can’t do this by myself . I am giving up Jojo I need peace . I am frightened of this person I have become .

I am lost I really can’t remember who I was before all this . I can’t remember what I enjoyed and can’t remember the last time I was happy .

I feel so bad .

Thank you again Jojo

your friend Lilly 🌺

[Lilly99]

Hi again Jojo,

I have looked up inner child . The thing is I only have disgust for her I hate her. So tapping into that I wouldn’t have anything nice to say . I wouldn’t hold her hand and tell her anything nice . She needs to stay buried.

I don’t know what I will do from here.,I can’t see a way out of my darkness . I am sorry I must feel like such a problem .

I wish I could be like you Jojo . So strong and such a beautiful person . I can’t see anything I like about myself .

Thank you again Jojo

your friend Lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I am here with you. Are you able to lie down and listen to some soothing music and at the same time do some slow, deep breathing? Do you have special songs you like and really relate to the lyrics? That’s something that has helped me.

If you have a bath have a nice relaxing bubble bath? Do you have a favourite DVD you could watch to take your mind off things? There are some inner child clips on YouTube which you might find interesting, although I found the workbooks better.

Do you have some herbal tea or a milky drink you could have to settle you down before bed?

What do you normally do to calm your mind?

You can get through this Lilly xox

your friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Hi Jojo ,

It’s going to be another long night . I will try a herbal tea and a hot shower .

It normally passes once I fell asleep but it takes a long time to calm down to do that .

I am sure anyone reading my posts would be thinking how crazy I must be . Being so open about feelings on a public forum .

Thanks again Jojo

your friend Lilly 🌺

[Saree_p]

Lilly,

Please please listen to Jojo, she has some wonderful wonderful advice and knowledge, and I know you value her.

All the best to you, keep your chin up.

You got this!

[White_Rose]

Dear Lilly

Sorry not to post yesterday. I was in hospital for the day having a procedure. All good now and I'm baaack.

At some point you need to trust someone. Most people are trustworthy if you give them a chance. If not someone you know try BB or any other phone help. Email to BB with the address Sophie gave you. These are all safe options. No one will abuse you.

When you phoned Suicide Call Back what put you off them? I have always found them a great help in my dark days. Do you know what you want? I know you want peace and respite from your depression and that's natural. But what else are you looking for? I'm not phrasing this well so I hope you know I care about you and want to see you get well.

Do you want someone to give you a process to get well? That's OK so long as you realise it will take time to heal. That's something no one can do for you. Go back to one of the psychiatrists and be open with him/her. They cannot help you heal until you make it a joint process. You will have the physical presence of someone to talk to, something we cannot do. We are supporting you Lilly. Please step forward and get help from a professional mental health person. We are all worried about you. It would help us all if you go to see someone.

Mary

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Your posts don’t make you sound crazy. They are very honest and real. Well done for trying the herbal tea and hot shower. Did that help? It’s good to find ways to calm yourself down.

Sorry you don’t feel you could try inner child work. That’s okay- it’s not for everyone and you may not be ready to deal with the emotions that it can bring up.

However, the self help books are very good by John Bradshaw for healing shame and for really understanding how our experiences from the past shape our future.

Take care of yourself & sending you a big virtual hug xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻