Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

Thank you Jojo . It’s a tough night all I can think about is suicide. It’s so hard to control .

I have a dog named jack

Lilly

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,
I second Jojo.

We are here for u.

Think in of u.
.Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You will always be my friend Lilly. I am sorry we didn’t chat last night, but I didn’t notice your posts until now. I did try and look out for them. I am glad you have a dog as they are good company. What breed is Jack?

How do you spend your weekends? I meet a friend every Saturday or Sunday and one week we go for coffee and a walk and the other week we go to the movies. Do you manage to get out and do something nice for yourself?

It’s okay if you don’t always feel like replying to my posts I understand. You mentioned sometimes you lose your voice which must be really difficult. What do you think causes that? Are you afraid of what you might say?

Take care Lilly & my thoughts are with you xox

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Hi Jojo ,

My dog is a Labrador . I don’t do anything on the weekends . All I can do is work and go home to my house close the curtains and block out the world . I don’t answer phones not that it rings anyway or talk to anyone even family they don’t talk .

When I say I have lost my voice it’s when I am at my worst . I can’t reply because I don’t want to explain or can’t how bad I am feeling because that’s when I am most suicidal.

I don’t want to also impact others who are reading my posts. Even though I probably have. I am so embarrassed about what I have posted already .

There isn’t any hope for me Jojo. There is know way out of my nightmere . I do really consider you a friend . Please don’t put any faith in me because I will let you down.

I am sorry I been so pathetic and constantly needy . I do really apologise for my behaviour .

Thank you again for your help and being there for me. I hope you didn’t stay up too late last night wanting for my post . Please take care of yourself .

Lilly 🌺

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

What bread of dog is Jack?

How are you feeling today?

It is such a hard and dark place to be, hopefully there is a way out for you. I like Jojo hold hope for you and am optimistic.

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Labradors are lovely. My neighbour has two one called Lucy and the other Amber. Lucy is a therapy dog who goes into nursing homes to visit the clients which is a lovely idea.

This weekend could you try and take Jack for a walk? It would get you out and about and probably lift your mood a bit.

You don’t have to ever feel embarrassed by what you post or have posted on the forums here. This is a safe place and completely non-judgemental.

I am sorry at times you feel unable to share because things are so bad. This is very considerate of you, but not necessary provided you follow the forum guidelines.

Did you manage to get yourself another colouring book or jigsaw puzzle? Like you suggested to Saree, these are both very good ways to escape your negative thoughts.

You don’t have to answer this, but I was just wondering who is your family? I know you have children, but do you have a partner? Sorry if this is being too intrusive.

You could never let me down Lilly. You amaze me, you astonish me because you push on daily despite how terrible you are feeling. As far as I am concerned you are an absolute legend.

Stay safe & look after yourself xox

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Saree_p]

Lilly,

In case you don't believe Jojo, I second every word she has said - it gets harder to argue wiht 2.

You are amazing!

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and saree ,

I can’t take jack for a walk he has hip problems and very old . .

I will buy a colouring book .

I am afraid I will hurt you both. Which isn’t my intention . But it will happen . When anyone gets too close I push them away . I can’t let anyone in . I can’t let people care about me or care what happens to me .

I am sorry I can’t explain why I am this way .

Thank you both so much for caring I really don’t deserve this kindness .

Your friend Lilly 🌺

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and saree.

Thank you both for your support . And being there for me for so long holding my hand .

I feel bad saree I haven’t been able to hold your hand like you have mine . I am not good offering advice and being a rock like Jojo. I have failed you. Sorry saree .

I am afraid of hurting you both because you have so much faith in me . I need to s I have too. The memories of the past and ongoing things in the present have consumed me. There is nothing left to fight with. Nothing more to give to keep fighting. I don’t have the strength to keep going . I am exhausted

Sorry for constant posting . I don’t recognise this person I have become . I am so ashamed of myself . I hate what I have done to everyone .

Thank both again for everything

Your friend Lilly 🌺

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and saree ,

I am going to have a break from posting for awhile . I am sure everyone is sick of my ranting . I will never be a true friend like both of you are to me .

Take care of each other

your friend Lilly 🌺